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Hello
fans and welcome back to our newsletter.
Tonight, we will have the Ladies title on the line as the champion the
British Crippler takes on the Duchess.
Also, getting out of his comfort zone, the Elitist Reid Rothchild
challenges Ivan Dragovich to a Russian Chain match. GM Max McGillicutty states that the winner of
this match will be back in the TV title hunt.
Also, the Steel Curtain and Biceps Bannerman take on the 5th
Column (Karl Braun, Baron von Blood and the Iron Cross Oswald Zimmerman) with
the 6 Man Tag Team Trophy on the line.
Also appearing are Southern Belle, Taylor Bella and more. Let’s get this party started.
The
pyros start to go off and we are welcomed to the start of another show...and
suddenly everything stops lights go off and the Omegatron lights up....surprise
surprise more crap from King CJ "first of foremost the king would
like to welcome everyone to another scrub studded event, and the only way to
really kick this garbage off right is to bring the 1 and only star we have to
the ring......HIT MY MUSIC!!!!" The Omegatron shuts off pyros kick back in
and The Kings music kicks on...... and
CJ MAKES HIS WAY TO THE RING........"FINALLY THE KING…YOUR CHAMPION… IS
BACK IN HIS RING"!!!!! Finally the
**KING*** has graced the Hobo Camp Wrestling with his presence!!!!! Can you dig
it suckas!!!!!! Truth be told the king...the franchise...the 1 and only true
super star of the HCW is live in living color...and although he may be feeling
100%, his is also 110% sure hes not wrestling tonight (dramatic pause while the
crowd boos the hell out of him)....you see the FRANCHISE is not going to risk
his career against a bunch of well no name no talent wanna bes just to help
this lame organization make a name!!!! This was once the pinnacle of sports
entertainment....the only place to be to
really challenge the best of the best...and after wrestle mania it changed to
well a who's who of fan boys, and no names chumps the "owners" must
have found at an off brand call center ahahahahhaha!!!! With unexciting names
and even lamer gimmicks...where do these losers come up with this crap???!!!
And yet some how you expect THE KING....THE FRANCHISE to come out here and save
you...help 1 of your call center croneys find a name I DONT THINK SO....then
you come out here with Independence Day...a ppv to showcase your new name and
roster...well it shoulda been called career suicide ....you get a bunch of
cactus farmers and tumble weed collectors from nowhere and you hipe and pray
that some how some way they are gonna spark a fire and entertain anyone....well
the hashtag is NOT IMPRESSED....well fyi during my recent recovery ive Also
been scouring the country for new talent, and these are all people i think
...no i know who have a better chance of succeeding here (points to the
jumbotron and pictures of sponge bob, larry the cable guy, patrick star fish,
and Mr. Socko flash across) and the king laughs....and heres the real deal....
CJ is not i repeat IS NOT GOING TO defend MY TITLE UNTIL its against someone
whose actually got some sort of actual experience and draw and C til hes
gawdamn good and ready!!!! Franchise out!!!”
(drops the mic and flips off the crowd and rolls out of the ring
disgusted)
Our
first match of the evening is a spot challenge.
First, over the loudspeakers blares “Gumbo 7:30 says it’s suppa time
bitch” and the Ragin Cajun Rad Gumbo comes out with his manager MJ. Tonight, Gumbo is challenging Mr. Wrestling
5 for his spot in the World title lineup.
Next, Mr. Wrestling 5 comes out to an ok pop from the crowd. Gumbo immediately goes on the offensive but
MW5 just absorbs the shots. MW5 takes
Gumbo to the outside of the ring and rams his back into the steel post. He pulls Gumbo back in and locks in a bearhug
and Gumbo immediately taps out. In just
under 3 minutes, Mr. Wrestling 5 retains his spot. MJ was not happy about this and levels 5
with a steel chair. Gumbo then locks in
the New Orleans Crab and does not let up until refs come from the back and
break it up. Gumbo limps to the back
with MJ in tow. I’m sure Mr. Wrestling 5
will respond to this cheap attack.
(2:45)
In
the interview area, the Duchess is being interviewed. She says she has a real chance to win the
Ladies title tonight as long as El Gato Negro keeps her nose out of her
business.
We
go back to the ring for our next match.
First, out comes Lexy Flexx and she gets a so-so reaction. Next, Taylor Bella comes out and she gets a
50/50 reaction from the crowd. Taylor
had issued the challenge to Lexy for her spot in the Ladies top 10. For 10 minutes, Taylor had control of the
match and was keeping Lexy at bay. Then,
Taylor’s tag team partner Madame Jade came out and made her way to
ringside. Taylor motioned she was going
to throw Lexy to the ropes and wanted Jade to trip her. Jade turned her back to the ring playing
innocent. Taylor threw Lexy to the ropes
but it was reversed and Taylor went over and Jade, not seeing what had
happened, tripped Taylor instead and she landed hard on her knee. Jade turned around and was horrified to see
what she just did. Lexy then locked in a
Four-Leg Cloverleaf leglock and Taylor had no choice but to tap out. Lexy retains her spot. Madame Jade climbed into the ring and tried
to assist Taylor. She vehemently
apologized for what happened and helped Taylor to the back. (12 min)
The
Omegatron lights up…showing the 6 man Tag Champs - The Steel Curtain and their
partner, Biceps Bannerman.
Buzz: Finally, ‘Buck….we get a chance to defend our
6 man tag trophy. Been a long time
coming. Personally, I would have
preferred the team of Itchy, Scratchy and Diaper-Rashy, but since those three
idiots dropped the ball we get to defend against The 5th Column.
Bannerman: It’s says “Vee” Column Buzz…..the Vee Column.
Starbuck: No man, we talked about the whole Roman
numeral thing. Its 5th…..
Buzz: Anyway…..
So 5th Column…..you get the chance of a lifetime against the most
dynamic tag team since the Freebirds.
The most skilled since Arn and Tully.
The most technical since The Midnight Express. The Steel Curtain. And, add the raw, unbridled power of our
partner - Biceps Bannerman….you goosestepping idiots are in real trouble.
Bannerman: Beatdown is coming boys….all the way from the
719….
Buzz: So who do we have…well there’s the mouthpiece
- Ant Graham. Ant? His name is Ant? An ant is a bug, and bugs get stepped
on. Got that ‘mouthpiece’? Who else….oh - Baron von Slapnutz. Baron, you made a big mistake doing what you
did. Just because you fought a bunch of
jabronis back in where ever the hell your wiener eating ass comes from, doesn’t
mean crap to us. And your buddies….what’s
that goofs name…OZ? Oz? Wasn’t that a failed Kevin Nash gimmick? (whisper from Starbuck) OH, his name is
Oswald? Man that sucks. I got a better one….How about John-Jacob
Jingleheimer- Gonna Get His ass whooped.
What, Ivan, that’s your name too?
Well that’s gonna be confusing…so one of you is gonna have to go with
Gooseschtepping zee Assenouttahere.
(laughs
from audience and from Starbuck and Bannerman)
Buzz: So, we’re gonna do you a favor. We’re gonna Knick-knack-paddy-whack your
sauerkraut eating asses back to where you come from, and it won’t be with a
bone….it’s gonna be with our boots in your asses!
Starbuck: Word!
Bannerman: Woo-woo-woo…..(poses for a few secs).
We
go back to the ring for our next match which starts off with Southern Belle
making her way out. She gets on the mic
and issues a challenge to Queen Beckett.
Beckett comes out and agrees to take the match. Belle went toe to toe with her Royalness and
looked to be in good form. All of a
sudden, Lady Hermann came down and hit Southern Belle with a chair resulting in
a DQ. Lady Hermann and Queen Beckett
continued to attack until a gaggle of refs came out to break it up. Belle seemed to be ok to walk to the back on
her own but needed assistance when she got to the top of the ramp. (5 ½ min)
GM
Max McGillicutty is back in his office and comments that after 3 matches,
they’ve barely scratched 30 minutes of tv time.
He says he needs to rethink the rest of the card. He also announces the cage match between the
Stache and El Chango for the 7/17 show.
We
go back to the interview area and Larry Morton is with the World Champion King
CJ. Larry asks how Disneyworld was (CJ
had Mickey Mouse ears attached to his crown).
CJ says outside of winning the World title and becoming King of the HCW,
this was pretty good. King CJ then cuts
a promo.
“you
know, I have to say that the talent in this crappy ass federation lacks
something…oh I know…talent. You see,
King CJ…your World Champion…is gracing you with his presence so that means an
automatic uptick in ratings…as I am the glue holding this so-called federation
together, it’s only fair that the
HASHTAG be ever present so give all of your crappy-ass lives meaning. Even though I did it once before, I feel I
need to sing you a song.
I
am THE champion, my friends
And
I’ll keep on cheating…till the end
Because
I am THE Champion; I am THE Champion
I
have no time for you LOSERS because I am THE Champion…of the World….
King
CJ then starts to walk away but turns around, takes the mic from Larry and then drops it and walks off.
We
go back to the ring for more action.
First, out comes Travis “Dark Storm” Ryzing. He is followed out by Billy Robbins. The match was practically even. Billy and Travis pulled out all the stops and
just took the match to each other. The
fans were really getting into it and even started to cheer for “Dark
Storm”. Billy climbed the turnbuckle and
went for a moonsault but Travis moved at the last second and Robbins crashed
hard onto the mat. Travis then picked up
Billy and hit the “Dark Storm Ryzing” and made the cover to get the 3 count. Travis gets a rare win in this 15 minute
contest.
Back
in Max’s office, Southern Belle comes in and says that she doesn’t feel like
she’s contributing 100% and therefore making herself look bad in the
process. She asks for a leave of absence
and Max, after checking to see if she was sure this is what she really wanted,
granted it. Max says she can have up to
a month off to determine what she wants to do with her career. After that time, she can return to the ring
or can retire.
We
head back to the ring for our next match.
Handsome Hernandez and Wendell Hammerschmidt come out to booing from the
fans. Music changes and out comes “the
Gold Standard” Bruce Biltmore and the Hollywood Star. Hernandez and Wendell attack their opponents
as they hit the ring. This was another
short match that saw Hernandez and Wendell control the match until Biltmore and
the Hollywood Star began a comeback.
Wendell saw the writing on the wall and brought an end to the match
after introducing a chair to the head of Biltmore. The ref disqualified Hernandez and
Wendell. The Hollywood Star tried get
even but a quick double team on the Star and a double slingshot suplex ended
any offense he may have had. Hernandez
and Wendell leave the ring to the booing from the fans. (5 min for the match, 8 min total)
Ivan
Dragovich is backstage with his 5th Column teammates. Ivan says that he will break Reid Rothchild
and make him humble. Ivan says that his
5th Column teammates will destroy the “American pig-dogs” and they
will take the 6 Man trophy.
The
Elitist Reid Rothchild w/ Master Bull makes his way to the ring. He gets a pop from the crowd. He gets in the ring and the ref immediately
hooks up the Russian Chain. Ivan
Dragovich w/ Ant Graham comes out next.
He is primed and ready for this match.
He gets in the ring and tries to attack Reid but Reid starts swinging
the chain around and Ivan bails out of the ring. It takes a few moments for Ivan to get back
in the ring. While this is going on, GM
Max McGillicutty comes out and reminds us that the winner of this match goes
back into the TV title hunt. Once Ivan
got hooked up, the two went right at it.
For the first 15 minutes of the match, Reid was beating the holy hell
out of Ivan. Reid seemed more intent on
inflicting punishment (he did that in spades) than he was trying to win the
match. Unfortunately, Reid’s quest for
revenge blinded him (along with the rubbing of the chain against Reid’s eyes
blinding him). Ivan then spent the next
9 minutes battling back. Master Bull
tried on a few occasions to get Reid back on track but a well-placed chair shot
from Ant Graham sent Master Bull to the floor unconscious. Ivan then hit Reid with a low blow with the
chain wrapped around his fist. He then
leveled Reid with a jumping side kick.
Ivan then wrapped the chain around the throat of Reid and dragged him to
all 4 corners. Ivan finally hits the 4th
corner and this one is over. Ivan
Dragovich gets the win and now is back in the title hunt. After being released from the chain, Ivan
locked Reid in the Accolade clutch and refused to let go. Reid was dripping blood by now. Ant finally got Ivan to let go just before
the decision would have been reversed.
Ivan leaves to incessant booing from the crowd. Reid is taken out on a stretcher. (26 min)
Backstage,
the Ladies Champion addresses the Duchess:
“Listen Sweetheart, the only reason you are getting this match right now
is NOT because you deserve it but because I want to inflict as much damage as I
can. You’re not on the playground
anymore Duchess so you’d better be prepared for the fight of your life.”
The
ring was just finished being cleaned up and our next match starts. First, the 5th Column (Karl Braun,
Baron von Blood and Oswald Zimmerman.
The fans continued their booing and it was overwhelming. Music hits and out comes the Steel Curtain and
Biceps Bannerman. The fans pop HUGE for
these guys as they make their way to the ring.
Just as the match begain, the 5th Column immediately had both
Baron von Blood and Karl Braun get injured leaving Oswald by himself. The champs fought hard but Oswald stayed
right with them until his teammates recovered.
The 5th Column managed to keep Biceps in the ring most of the
match. At the 12 minute mark, Ant
started getting involved and his team started to dominate the champs. With Ant’s help, the 5th Column
began to annihilate the champs. Ant
began to verbally antagonize their foes and Karl tried for a pin but Starbuck
made the save. Braun picks up Biceps and
hits an over the knee backbreaker. He
goes for the pin again but Starbuck once again makes the save. All of a sudden, the Muscles Trio (McGuire,
Thorpe and Weasley) all run down, grab chairs and each one hits Buzz, Starbuck
and Biceps with the chairs. The ref
immediately disqualifies the 5th Column for the outside interference
which pissed them off to no avail. Baron
von Blood, Oswald Zimmerman and Karl Braun, led by Ant Graham, went after the
Trio. Starbuck and Buzz got to their
feet but Biceps, who had been kept in the match the longest, needed help. The Steel Curtain and Biceps retain their trophy
via a DQ. (25 min)
Backstage,
Clarkus Kentus meets up with Turnip Townsend.
Turnip says he no longer wants to be associated with Wilber and is
dropping the Townsend name and will only go by Turnip from now on. Clarkus asks if he will accept the challenge
from Wilber. Turnip says he is NOT
accepting Wilber’s challenge as he is NOT a wrestler but “just a scrawny
kid”. Superquake Ferguson comes over and
offers to take on Wilber for him. Turnip
happily accepts.
It
is time for our Main Event. First, The
Duchess makes her way to the ring to a decent pop from the crowd (most likely
because they dislike the champ more). The
Ladies Champ the British Crippler comes out with the rest of the Queen’s Court
that includes Lady Hermann and Queen Beckett.
Her Ladyship and Royalness go sit at commentary to scout this one out. The bell rang and the Duchess ran right at
the Crippler…and bounced right off of her.
The Queen’s Court had a good laugh at that. The Duchess ran at her again but when the
Crippler went for a clothesline, the Duchess ducked, it the ropes and hit the
champ with a dropkick. The Duchess was
all proud of herself. That pissed off
the champ. The ref pulled the Champ
aside and was whispering something. He
then stepped out of the ring and went to Queen Beckett who handed him (at least
it looked like it) a wad of cash! Holy
Cow, is the fix in??? The Duchess nailed
the Crippler again with a dropkick and caught her with a cheap shot. The Duchess then locked in the “All Hail Her
Majesty” but the Crippler wouldn’t quit.
The Duchess kept up the assault and the Crippler was just
confounded. The Crippler, after taking a
lot of beating, tried to lock in a rear naked choke but the Duchess got out of
it. The Duchess then eye raked the champ
and then rolled her up quickly for the (fast count) 1-2-3. The Duchess just defeated the British
Crippler to become the NEW LADIES CHAMPION!
Lady Hermann then charged the ring and tried to get her hands on the
Duchess but she was too quick and the Duchess took off back up the ramp. She stood at the top of the ramp holding her
new title high while the Queen’s Court stewed in the ring. With that, the show came to an end.
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