Hello
fans and welcome back to our newsletter.
Well, the PPV is this weekend and it looks like we’re hitting one out of
the park with this lineup. Right now, the
card looks like this:
Six Man Titles – Axe, ScooterJ and TNT vs the Muscles Trio
Hardcore title – The Fiend vs Dr.
Red Fang
TV title – Biceps Bannerman vs Phat Sol
Tag Team titles – Steel Curtain vs
Hoff n Spicy
Ladies Title – Southern Belle vs
Taylor Bella
World Title – King Wilber Townsend vs Sonic Blade
The
only match with no competitor set is for the US title – El Chango vs ??? That question though will be answered after
tonight’s battle royal.
The show begins outside where a limo pulls up and security comes out to line up. The Honorable J C Dykes and the Unknown Assassin exit the limo. GM Max McGillicutty comes out. Dykes approaches the GM and Dykes demands that going forward, the Unknown Assassin is present on all shows. Max says that it’s not possible because they have such a robust roster. Dykes yells at the GM to make it happen and then they walk inside. Master Bull comes out and tells Max that he has a plan. He leans over and whispers something to Max who laughs out loud and says “Done. Brilliant!” They head inside.
The show begins outside where a limo pulls up and security comes out to line up. The Honorable J C Dykes and the Unknown Assassin exit the limo. GM Max McGillicutty comes out. Dykes approaches the GM and Dykes demands that going forward, the Unknown Assassin is present on all shows. Max says that it’s not possible because they have such a robust roster. Dykes yells at the GM to make it happen and then they walk inside. Master Bull comes out and tells Max that he has a plan. He leans over and whispers something to Max who laughs out loud and says “Done. Brilliant!” They head inside.
One by
one 59 members of the active roster make their way out to the stage. The only two not participating will be King
Wilber Townsend and his opponent Sonic Blade. Also, Covfefe is here after being unmasked
last show revealing him to be the King of Cones Magnum Kone. I guess Magnum has shed his old personae and
taken on Covfefe full time. J C Dykes
came out with the Unknown Assassin and with a mic in hand, he demanded Max get
out there and start this one NOW. Max
came up and said that since Dykes wanted it to start, Max says that Unknown
Assassin will be the FIRST person. Dykes
throws a fit until Max throws Dykes out and send him to the back.
UA goes to the ring first and his opponent is Jerry Saunders. Saunders right off the bat goes to toss UA out of the ring but after going over the top rope, he landed on the apron, hopped back in and then ate a superkick that sent him out of the ring but inbetween the ropes instead of over so he didn’t get eliminated. After 10 or so eliminations, Davis Hoffmeister met up with Buzz Steel and Buzz hit him with a Buzz Cut eliminating him. DJ CJ Spice went after Buzz but ended up getting eliminated also. Dr. Red Fang eliminated the Fiend. Phat Sol eliminated Biceps Bannerman. In an odd altercation, Smasher #1 was eliminated by his partner Smasher #2. #1 was not happy. It finally came down to the last two members – Hangman #3 and the Unknown Assassin. Hangman #3 used just as many illegal moves as UA did. Hangman #3 threw UA over the top rope but he landed on the apron. Hangman then pulled out some handcuffs and cuffed UA to the middle rope. He then dropkicked UA and he fell off the apron and landed on the floor. The ref rings the bell and awards the match, the US title shot AND the money in the bank contract to Hangman #3. J C Dykes ran out screaming into a microphone about the injustice and demanded Max come out. Max came out and asked for a replay. He watched the event and decided that this was not the way he wanted to see this end so he determined that right here and right now, the Unknown Assassin and Hangman #3 will fight in a no time limit, no DQ match for the US title shot plus the MITB contract. Dykes ran down and stood in UA’s corner.
UA goes to the ring first and his opponent is Jerry Saunders. Saunders right off the bat goes to toss UA out of the ring but after going over the top rope, he landed on the apron, hopped back in and then ate a superkick that sent him out of the ring but inbetween the ropes instead of over so he didn’t get eliminated. After 10 or so eliminations, Davis Hoffmeister met up with Buzz Steel and Buzz hit him with a Buzz Cut eliminating him. DJ CJ Spice went after Buzz but ended up getting eliminated also. Dr. Red Fang eliminated the Fiend. Phat Sol eliminated Biceps Bannerman. In an odd altercation, Smasher #1 was eliminated by his partner Smasher #2. #1 was not happy. It finally came down to the last two members – Hangman #3 and the Unknown Assassin. Hangman #3 used just as many illegal moves as UA did. Hangman #3 threw UA over the top rope but he landed on the apron. Hangman then pulled out some handcuffs and cuffed UA to the middle rope. He then dropkicked UA and he fell off the apron and landed on the floor. The ref rings the bell and awards the match, the US title shot AND the money in the bank contract to Hangman #3. J C Dykes ran out screaming into a microphone about the injustice and demanded Max come out. Max came out and asked for a replay. He watched the event and decided that this was not the way he wanted to see this end so he determined that right here and right now, the Unknown Assassin and Hangman #3 will fight in a no time limit, no DQ match for the US title shot plus the MITB contract. Dykes ran down and stood in UA’s corner.
Hangman
#3 vs the Unknown Assassin. Max also
decreed that they will use strategy house rules so that they have to fight even
harder for the win. This one went 37
whopping minutes and both men were exhausted by the time it came to an
end. Hangman #3 went for a Cobra neck
wrench early on but UA would not tap.
Dykes would get involved 3 times in the first 10 minutes but it didn’t
seem to help UA all that much. Hangman
#3 went to rush at UA and ended up getting blasted in the eardrum by a huge
forearm shot. He staggered as if his equilibrium
was off. UA then took over the match
overpowering his opponent. As the match
progressed further, Unknown Assassin went for more and more pin attempts but
didn’t have enough in the gas tank to keep him down. Dykes throws a fireball at Hangman just
barely missing him and UA hit a fireman’s carry roll and went for a pin but
Hangman #3 made it to the ropes. UA hit
a nerve pinch that really slowed #3 down.
UA then hits a piledriver but doesn’t go for the pin. He stands over him telling him to get
up. Hangman #3 staggered to his feet but
surprised UA by locking in the Cobra neck wrench but UA made it to the ropes. UA locked on the nerve pinch again and the
blasted Hangman #3 with multiple forearm shots to the eardrums. UA went for the pin. 1…..2….Hangman #3 gets his foot on the ropes
but Dykes quickly knocks it off….3. The ref
missed that and awarded the match, the US title shot and the MITB contract to
tonight’s winner – The Unknown Assassin.
Dykes jumps in the ring and raises UA’s arm. He screams “I told you so! I told you that the Unknown Assassin was going to win the battle royal to see who gets to beat El Cheapo Chima Changa for his USA belt…In Tennessee we call it “Happy Hour” at any local brewery. My Assassin’s black belt, as promised, went through your roster like a chimp in a roasted peanut factory. The roster can now attest that the deadly Assassin’s hands are registered in 44 states as a deadly weapon. He handled all the Jobberoni’s including the Hangman. Now, at the PPV, quick as a flash, his opponent the chimmy chonga will be headed to the balcony after: Chop Chop Heave to the Balcony. Go through the motions….Ladies and Gentlemen, your NEWWWWW United States Champion…..The Unknown Assassin,… with his handsome, billionaire hillbilly Manager: The Honorable J for ‘Just’, C for ‘Champions’, Dykes. Later Morons……” Dykes and the Unknown Assassin left to the horrendous booing from the fans and the show came to an end.
Dykes jumps in the ring and raises UA’s arm. He screams “I told you so! I told you that the Unknown Assassin was going to win the battle royal to see who gets to beat El Cheapo Chima Changa for his USA belt…In Tennessee we call it “Happy Hour” at any local brewery. My Assassin’s black belt, as promised, went through your roster like a chimp in a roasted peanut factory. The roster can now attest that the deadly Assassin’s hands are registered in 44 states as a deadly weapon. He handled all the Jobberoni’s including the Hangman. Now, at the PPV, quick as a flash, his opponent the chimmy chonga will be headed to the balcony after: Chop Chop Heave to the Balcony. Go through the motions….Ladies and Gentlemen, your NEWWWWW United States Champion…..The Unknown Assassin,… with his handsome, billionaire hillbilly Manager: The Honorable J for ‘Just’, C for ‘Champions’, Dykes. Later Morons……” Dykes and the Unknown Assassin left to the horrendous booing from the fans and the show came to an end.
Stay
tuned as our PPV is up next.
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