Hello
fans and welcome back to our newsletter and the 600th issue of the
Fantasy Wrestling Newsletter. We’ve been
going strong (except for a 2 year hiatus) since 2003 and hopes are to keep
going and going and going. Today’s show
is coming to you live from our home in Phoenix, AZ. After pyro goes off, GM Max McGillicutty
comes out to a pop from the crowd and introduces the owners Mr. Bychowski and
Mr. Meyers. They get a pop from the crowd.
Mr. B says that Max has been doing a fantastic job and congratulates him
on a job well done. Mr. M chimes in and
says that he is looking forward to the brand split and with Max going to
Tacoma, WA, this guy will be running the Phoenix show. Master Bull comes out to a mixed reaction
from the crowd. Bull says he’s ready to take over Phoenix and
says he is really pumped for the draft as he’s confident he’ll retain the top
talent for “Phoenix Heat”. Bull shakes
hands with Max and the owners and then everyone leaves getting this one moving.
After
more pyro goes off, our first match kicks off.
First, Drew the Canadian Love Machine comes out to a huge pop from the
crowd. He poses for the fans before his
music cuts off and his opponent comes out.
It’s another fan favorite – the Crocodile Hunter. His pop is almost as loud as Drew’s was. Croc poses on each of the corners and gets
the fans pumped. The two shake hands in
the ring and this one takes off. Drew
hits the ropes and jumps to the turnbuckle but falls off and lands awkwardly on
his foot. He looks hurt. Croc hits a leg dive and locks in the ankle
lock. Drew immediately taps out. Croc gets the win in just 1 minute. He goes to check on Drew to see if he’s
ok. Croc tells Drew that if he’s ok,
he’s willing to have another match later tonight. Drew says he’ll see how the ankle is
doing. The fans pop as Croc helps Drew
to the back. (1 min)
There
is a commotion in the back and we see Covfefe running off again after attacking
Magnum Kone. Kone is busted open. The doctor goes over and says that Magnum is
not fit to wrestle tonight. ‘The Ragin
Cajun’ Rad Gumbo walks over and tells Max that he’ll volunteer to fight Covfefe. Max says Rad already has Ice Dagger. Rad suggests Max make this a triple
threat. Max likes the idea and says
he’ll make that match.
We
head back to the ring and next up is our ladies battle royal to see who will go
on to meet Southern Belle for the Ladies title.
First though, the Ladies champ comes out and goes to sit at commentary
so she can scout the match. First, one
by one, the ladies came out…the Duchess, Starr Vixen, Scarlett Phoenix, El Gato
Negro, Taylor Bella and Madame Jade. All
six women started slugging it out and one by one they got eliminated until the
final two were Starr Vixen and Taylor Bella.
The two slugged it out for almost 5 minutes. Starr climbed to the second turnbuckle, leapt
and hit a springboard corkscrew armdrag. Taylor managed to recover quickly and hit
Starr with a flying dropkick that sent Starr flying over the top rope and
crashing to the mat. The bell rings and
Taylor has her arm raised as the winner of the match. Southern Belle climbs into the ring and the
two have a face off. Eventually everyone
leaves. (18 min)
We cut
to the back where a limo pulls up and security comes out and lines up. The Honorable J C Dykes comes out and is
followed by the Unknown Assassin. Dykes
turns to the Unknown Assassin (and the camera) and comments “We have to face
Mickey Mouse Rude again. Well, that’s R-U-D-E Rude! We allowed him a few
minutes more in our last match than our previous wrestlers so my Champ could at
least work up a sweat. How long do we have to entertain the riff raff around
here? Bring on the GOLD. We can’t lose with the brains we use. As children, we
used to dine on pork-n-beans, now we dine with Trump and Queens. (The fans
really booed at the mention of the POTUS).
We are the BEST, can we please see the REST? We can’t be beat-every
opponent will go down in de-feat.” Dykes stomps off with the Unknown Assassin
in tow.
We
head to the ring for our next match.
First, the former PUN-isher Pete Punsher comes out but he’s not cracking
wise at all. I think he’s gone
serious. He makes it to the ring in time
for music to change and out comes another fan favorite Texas Wildfire. Fans pop huge for TW. TW gets in the ring and asks for a mic. “You know, this is my first real shot at
telling a joke and I’ve been saving it for just the right moment. Are
you ready?” The fans pop. “Ok…here it goes. ‘What did the patella say to the femur? I KNEED you’”. The fans actually laugh at the pun and Pete
gets mad and attacks TW starting this one off.
Pete actually looked really good in this and gave TW a serious run for
his money. The tide turned in the final
moments of the match when he climbed to the top turnbuckle and launched off
trying to connect with a splash but TW got his knees up. TW then set Pete up on the turnbuckle again
and hit a superplex. He made the cover
and got the 1-2-3. Texas Wildfire gets
the win. (19 min). All of a sudden, a masked man runs in and
attacks TW. He beats him down and then
blasts him with a massive headbutt. He
removes the hood and reveals a glitter covered Stormtrooper helmet but it looks
different. The guy takes the mic
introducing himself, not as the Super Shockmaster but the Super-Duper
Shockmaster – an ally of SS who has come to HCW to right the wrong of SS being
kicked out of HCW. Super Duper says that
he’s not here for titles but will wreak havoc and destruction everywhere he
goes until SS is allowed back in HCW. He
leaves. TW gets up and shakes away the
cobwebs and seems to be ok but he has a bone to pick with the new guy.
Drew
the Canadian Love Machine is backstage being checked out. The doctor recommends that Drew not fight
again tonight but Drew says he can’t let a loss in 60 seconds hang over his
head. Croc agreed to a rematch and he’s
going to be ready.
We go
back to the ring for the next match.
First, ‘Red Hot’ Lucas Johnston comes out to a decent pop from the
crowd. Next, his opponent Leon Teremoto
comes out and he gets a similar reaction.
The two get ready to square off. Leon
started off strong but after about 10 minutes, Lucas kicked it into high gear
and controlled the pace of the match. He
however didn’t keep a good eye on the time and before he knew it, time was
almost out. Lucas tried for a DDT but
Leon reversed in and slapped on a side headlock. The bell then rang bringing this one to a
draw finish. The two looked like they
wanted to continue but both left without further incident. (20 min draw)
Ice
Dagger is backstage and he seems a little miffed. He says the night started with a one on one
match but now the loose cannon known as Covfefe has been added to their
match. He says that he’ll figure it out
and he will be the one walking away with the win tonight.
It’s
time for our next match. First,
Crocodile Hunter comes out and he gets a big pop from the crowd. Drew the Canadian Love Machine comes out next
and the crowd about loses it (man, this guy is OVER). Drew enters the ring and shakes hands with
Croc and they waste no time getting this one going. This one went a bit longer than their last outing
and for 8 minutes, they were practically even.
Croc then hit the ropes going for a body press but Drew caught him
mid-air and turned it into the Lover Bomb.
Drew planted him right in the middle of the ring, made the cover, hooked
the leg and barely got the 1-2-3. Drew
gets the win. After the match, Drew and
Croc shook hands as the building shook with the applause from the fans. They both left at the same time. (9 min)
Covfefe
is backstage terrorizing the crew. He
gets in the face of one of the crew and says that first Magnum Kone was dealt
with; now Gumbo and Dagger are next. He
pushes the crew member and walks off.
We are
back down to the ring and the music “Ice Dagger Baby” (to an off-tune version
of Ice Ice Baby) and Ice Dagger makes his way down to the ring. The fans think he stinks so they boo the hell
out of him. Next, MJ comes out and
introduces ‘The Ragin Cajun’ Rad Gumbo.
The fans pop as Rad and MJ make their way down to the ring. Finally, the lights go dim and an eerie blue
light shines and Covfefe, accompanied by his manager Ant Graham, makes his way
down to the ring. The lights barely come
up in time and Covfefe goes on a tear. Rad
had everything going his way but then Covfefe took him out of the ring and
rammed him into the steel post taking him out.
Ant Graham blasted Ice Dagger with his cane but then Covfefe locked him
in a wrenching arm bar and then turned it into a pin and got the 1-2-3. Covfefe gets the win. Ant joins him to celebrate but is taken out
by the Ragin Cajun. Gumbo then hits
Covfefe with the Voodoo driver. Gumbo
sets Covfefe up and begins to unmask him.
He gets his mask off revealing…another mask…this one of a certain
current POTUS. Gumbo then yanked the
Trump mask off revealing…HOLY CRAP! It’s
a bloody Magnum Kone!! Magnum sits there
with a crazed look in his eyes and then yanks his Covfefe mask from Rad and
takes off. The fans and everyone are
stunned. Eventually everyone leaves.
GM Max
McGillicutty comes out and talks about the men’s battle royal being at our next
show. After that, the Reign of Champions
PPV will be upon us. The winner of the
battle royal will get the next title shot at US Champion El Chango. But first, we have to get to tonight’s main
event. These two men have battled over
the past few months and tonight, their feud comes to an end. Enough standing around, we have one match
left to go so let’s get this one moving.
Dude
USA Mick Rude comes out to “Born in the USA” by Bruce Springsteen (he better have
gotten permission to play or there will be hell to pay). The fans pop for him as he makes his way down
to the ring. After some posing in the
ring, his music stops and new music plays as security comes out and lines both
side of the ramp from the stage to the ring and the Honorable J C Dykes comes
out first and introduces the Unknown Assassin.
Both men walk down to the ring amidst the booing from the fans. Dykes turns and flips off the fans which just
makes them more irate. UA went right on
the offensive and Rude never recovered.
Mick got in a few licks but with Dykes running rampant, Mick had no
chance. After UA slapped on a nerve
pinch and Rude took him down with a single leg take down, UA came back and
blasted Rude with multiple knee strikes.
Rude collapsed in the ring. The
Unknown Assassin made a very casual cover and the ref counted 1…2…3. The Unknown Assassin stood victorious with
his manager and showboated in front of the irate crowd until they decided to
leave.
That’s
all for now. The battle royal will be next followed by our PPV. Stay tuned.
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