Sunday, August 11, 2013

HWF/CSWA Wrestling Newsletter 2013 08.07 – Clash of the Champions Day 1

Hello fans and welcome to our August PPV Clash of the Champions.  It has been an extremely interesting ride so far and only expect it to just get better.  The event starts off with the camera panning the crowd and we see Superfans Derek and Joel.  Joel’s first sign reads “Let’s Go Shizzle clap clap clap clap clap” and Derek’s reads “Professor Cobra = professor of crap”.  That last one seems pretty harsh seeing as the Professor just started with us.  Oh well, everyone is entitled to their opinions.  Announcers Marc and Brian head to ringside to take their seats.

Marc: This place is ELECTRIC.  People are busting from the rafters.
Brian: You got that right buddy.  This is going to be one hell of a show.  The excitement here is none like I’ve ever seen before. 
Marc:  I’ve been to an NFL Superbowl once.  This crowd blows them away.
Brian:  Really, you’re comparing wrestling to the NFL?  Damn, you beat me to it.  Ha, ha.
Marc: You’re a real riot Alice.  Hey, look, Master Bull is on his way down.

Master Bull makes his way down to the ring to a very mixed reaction.  It seems that one side of the arena is just booing and hissing at him.  The other side seems to be Pro-Bull.  “Welcome one and all to our Clash of the Champions PPV.  We have a spectacular show lined up for you and it promises to meet all your expectations.  To our fans who couldn’t attend live, WHAT THE HELL?  Are you just that cheap that you can’t get off your damn sofa and attend a show?  I know we are sold out but still…I do expect people to wait in line and then have to be told to leave once a show is sold out.  I’m using our hard earned money to bring you these events and to those of you who attend live, Thank You.  To the rest of you, get a life.  When I say that, I do mean that Wrestling = Life so get to the events, even if I have to tell you to go home because you’re too slow in getting there.”  Now, the entire stadium is hissing at him. “What?  I saying nice things about you.  What more do you want?  Ah screw it.  Dallas, you suck from your smelly streets down to your football team.  Enough of me talking here, let’s get on with the show.”

The pyro goes off as the first match kicks off.  The USO’s make their way to the ring hollering and yelling at the fans as they head to ringside.  They are then followed by King Mo Lawal and Mr. Wrestling 4.  Both men high five the fans as they make their way to the ring.  Mr. Wrestling 4 stops in front of Derek who is just berating him.  4 blows him off.   The bell rings.  “Slow count Sam” is the ref for this one.   Jimmy hits a toss up samoan drop and then 4 hits the ring. They double team Jimmy.  Mo hits a left hand jab and 4 executes a reverse neckbreaker.  The USO’s then double team King Mo.  Mo is able to escape without any damage but they corner him.  Jimmy holds Mo while Jey hits a Polynesian death leap.  Mo hits Jey with an elbow smash knocking him from the ring.  Mo then blasts Jimmy with a spinning backfist.  Jey gets tagged in and then Mr. Wrestling 4 comes in.  Mo nails a waistlock takedown and ride and then 4 launches Jey over the top rope.  He lands hard on the ground.  Mo nails Jimmy with the Royal Flush sending him flying to the opposite side of the ring.  The ref makes the count (ungodly slow) and counts Jey down and out.  Mr. Wrestling 4 and King Mo get the win.  Derek changed his sign to “Mr Wrestling 4 = boring”.

Up next is Casey Jones taking on Dean Ambrose for the Internet Media title.  This is Casey’s official last shot at this belt.  For this match, the ref is “Fast Count Frank”.  Unfortunately, it did not bode well for the challenger.

Casey tried to hold his own but just could not keep up with Ambrose.  At the 20 minute mark, Mankind made his way down to ringside.  He took Casey’s hockey stick and started to walk off with it.  Ambrose uses the distraction to hit the Chickenwing Facebuster and got the 1-2-3.  After the match, Mankind gets in the ring and starts to wallop Casey with the hockey stick.  Suits came from the back to break it up.  Casey appears to need some stitches.
 
Brian: DAMN that Mankind.  DAMN him to HELL.
Marc: Easy there buddy.  I’m sure Mankind will get his just desserts sooner rather than later.  But now, the Bella’s are up and they should be very easy on the eyes.
Brian: You are so right.  Although, if Fusion and the Spider can’t get on the same page, I don’t think they’ll have a win tonight.

Out next comes the Bella Twins followed by Spider Violet and Fusion Valentine.  They were accompanied by Bran-Don-Goh.  The Bella’s took full advantage of the discord between their opponents to control the entire match.  At the 29 minute mark, the Bella’s got a little cocky and didn’t see the double team coming.  Brie gets caught and is choked on the ropes by Spider Violet.  Fusion then dumps her to the outside where she gets counted out.  Fusion and Spider get the win.  Bran-Don-Goh gets in the ring and motions to Fusion.  Fusion then turns and attacks Spider Violet.  She beats her down and then tosses her from the ring.  She gets on the mic “You know, you have held me back for too long and now, I’m through with you.  Now that I no longer have you hanging on my coattails, I am free to pursue the Women’s title.  I wipe my hands of you.”  Bran-Don-Goh and Fusion Valentine leave together.

Next up is our first EVER inter-gender match up with ODB challenging the Miz for the HWF X-Division title.   Master Bull then came out and asked for ODB to sign a waiver.  This would protect them if she got hurt too bad.  He then gave Miz a document to sign.  This one stated that there would only be one shot at this.  If Miz were to lose, he will NOT get an automatic rematch.  He was not happy about it but signed it anyway (under threat of being stripped of the title if he did not).  The match goes 16 minutes with Miz just getting killed by ODB.  She really wants this title.  About 5 minutes in, Miz hits ODB with a snap DDT but she comes back with the Dirty Dozen but only a one count.  He tired for a second DDT but ODB neutralized it.  Miz connects with a legsweep facebuster and goes for a pin but ODB kicks out at 2.  ODB locks in a bearhug and follows it up with some chops and a pin attempt but Miz kicks out at 2.  She follows it up with a fallaway slam but Miz rolls out of the ring.  Miz hits a basement dropkick but ODB hits the dirty dozen.  She tries for the pin but Miz kicks out.  They trade a few more pin attempts on each other but at the 20 minute mark, ODB nails a fallaway slam and then drops some chops on a prone Miz.  She makes the cover and the ref counts 1……2…….3.  ODB gets the win and is the NEW X-DIVISION CHAMPION.  ODB celebrates in the ring.  Superfan Joel is holding up a sign that reads “ODB >most wrestlers” and Derek yells at and mocks the Miz for losing to a woman (albeit a monster of a woman).

Marc:  My God, that match was insane.
Brian:  I know buddy.  ODB is truly a force to be reckoned with.  Miz will get a rematch though, just not tonight.
Marc: Miz was the longest reigning X-Division Champion so he does deserve it.
Brian: Don’t be surprised though if ODB throws a stipulation or two out there.

Next up on the card is the rematch between Eric Young and Professor Cobra.  Cobra starts off with the flying mamba spinning heel kick and EY eats it.  Cobra then hits the cobra armdrag and EY hits him with a clubbing forearm.  He follows it up with a top rope elbow drop and Cobra is absorbing the punishment.  He battles back with a cobra superkick and EY nails a second rope piledriver.  He goes for the pin but the Professor kicks out at 2.   Eric goes for a top rope elbow drop but gets caught by Cobra hitting the Flying Mamba. EY falls to the mat.  Cobra sets him up for another Mamba but EY reverses it, goes for a low blow that gets reversed as Cobra tries for the cobra clutch bulldog but EY holds the ropes nullifying the move.  Both men are glaring at each other.  Cobra tries for the Clutch of the Cobra cross armbar but EY nullifies that also.  The Professor hits the Cobra facebreaker and goes for a pin but EY kicks out at 2.  Cobra hits the cobra strike spear but EY whips and rams him into the turnbuckle.  Cobra tosses Eric out of the ring and then goes to the top rope and hits the King Cobra diving headbutt.  He rolls back in just at the ref counts to 10.  Professor Cobra gets the win via countout.  After the match, EY gets back in the ring and hits a low blow.  He hits the Showstopper Neckbreaker and then leaves the Professor down and out.
 
Brian: Buddy, I don’t think we’ve seen the last of these two guys.
Marc: You’re right Brian.  As soon as the Professor wakes up, he is going to want revenge.

Next up on the card is Ravishing Raquel vs Layla El for the Women’s title.  Ravishing Raquel comes out first accompanied by The Elitist Reid Rothchild.  The Women’s Champion follows right afterwards.  Reid gives Raquel a kiss for good luck and then slips her something on his way out of the ring.  What was that?  Raquel dominates the champion and for 22 minutes, she is on fire. She ends up hitting Raquel with the foreign object knocking out Layla.  She locks in the Ravishing Chickenwing and the ref checks up on her but there is no response so Raquel wins the match and the Women’s title via submission.  Layla gets her immediate rematch. 

There is a new ref for this second match and it is “Fast Count Frank”.  Before he gets in the ring, Reid gives him something.  What is this?  A payoff?  Raquel stars off by tossing Layla over the top rope.  Layla barely makes it in by 9. That count did seem pretty fast.   Raquel connects with a  Power full nelson and Layla takes her down with a clothesline. Raquel hits a spinning heel kick and then tosses Layla to the outside again.  Fast count Frank counts quickly but Layla is back in at 9 and then chokes Raquel on the ropes.  Raquel tosses Layla out again and follows her out.  She hits the Simply Ravishing and Layla goes down.  Raquel rolls back in the ring as Frank counts to 10.  Raquel wins the match and is the official Women’s Champion!
 
Marc:  Wow, can you believe it?  Ravishing Raquel has just won the Women’s Championship.
Brian:  I’m heading to the ring to interview the new champ.
Marc: Wait….

Brian heads to the ring as Ravishing Raquel and Reid Rothchild are celebrating in the ring.

Brian: Sorry to intrude but Raquel, you have just won the Women’s title.  How are you feeling?
Raquel: Listen PEST, get out of the ring.  This time belongs to Reid and I. 
Reid: Take a hike, stumpy.

Brian sulks out of the ring and goes back to the table.  Marc tries to console him “Hey buddy, I tried to stop you.”

In the ring, Reid has the microphone.  “Raquel, today you have proven yourself to be worthy of team Prestige Inc.  In fact, I want to take this opportunity to (he gets down on one knee) ask you to MARRY me.”  Raquel jumps in his arms and screams “Yes, Yes, Yes”.  They smooch and then finally leave the ring.

Our first World title match is up with Christian taking on US Champion AJ Styles.  This one didn’t go too long as Christian picks up with win with the Unprettier at the 10 minute mark after Mankind came out and distracted AJ.  This of course led to Casey Jones coming out and brawling with Mankind.

Next up is Brock Lesnar taking on HHH for the HWF World title.  It had been decided that this would be Lights out match.  This one also did not go very long.  “Slow Count Sam” is the ref on this one.  HHH begins by tossing Lesnar out of the ring.  Lesnar hits a bare-knuckled swing and hits the ref by mistake.  HHH then hits a Pedigree but there is no ref to make the count.  Both men then collide when trying to hit haymakers on each other.  They are both down but again, no ref to count.  HHH is up first and hits a Pedigree but Lesnar bounces back and hits a powerbomb.  He then follows it up with smashing HHH’s head into the ringpost drawing blood.  Somehow HHH manages to toss Brock from the ring.  HHH hits the pedigree again and Brock makes it to the ropes by the time the ref is back up.  HHH is complaining to the ref and Brock then nails a huge powerslam.  He makes the cover and gets the 1-2-3.  Brock Lesnar retains the title.  HHH is now on his way to the unemployment line.  Brock leaves and HHH stays for a bit soaking in the chants from the crowd “Thank You HHH”.  Hunter leaves with a tear in his eye.

Since both Brock and Christian retained their respective titles, their match tomorrow night will be for the Undisputed Heavyweight Championshp.

Next up is the HWF Invitational battle royal to see who will get a title shot at whichever belt they want.  The 8 men competing here are Tensai, Reid Rothchild, RVD, Professor Cobra, The Miz, Christopher Daniels, Kane and the Undertaker.  In order of elimination:  Taker ousted Daniels; Reid eliminated RVD, Miz took out Kane, Tensai tamed the Cobra, Taker easily removes Reid, Tensai ends Miz’s quest.  The last men standing were Tensai and the Undertaker.  This final battle went 13 minutes with Undertaker getting the win after hitting the Last Ride and dumping Tensai over the top rope.  Undertaker will get a shot at whichever belt he wants.

“WAIT JUST A MINUTE!” screams Master Bull. “What the HELL was THAT?  Who put the Undertaker in that match?  Undertaker is the property of CSWA and they are not participating in this battle royal.  Sorry Taker but you don’t win SHIT.  I want the battle royal to start over again and this time, I want Kane and RVD out also.  I want to give some other people a shot and even though I despise Reid Rothchild, you can’t argue with his winning record.  I am also turning this into a 16 man battle royal.  The participants will be Tensai, Reid, Cobra, Chavo Jr, Uncle Nova, Austin Aries, EY, Daniels, Roderick Strong, Zema Ion, Kaz, James Storm, Anderson, Jack Swagger, Cody Rhodes and Antonio Cesaro.

This one was quick too.  Reid eliminated Zema Ion; Storm over Swagger; Chavo over the Professor (EY helped); Daniels over Strong; Cesaro over Nova (Reid helped); Kaz over EY (Professor distracted Young); Aries over Tensai; Cody and Anderson was a double elimination; Storm eliminated Reid (Nova interfered); Chavo over Daniels; Cesaro over Kaz; Storm over Chavo; Cesaro over Aries.  This left James Storm and Antonio Cesaro.  Their match actually went 54 minutes with both men trading high spots.  The end came after Cesaro fell victim to the Eye of the Storm.  James Storm gets the win and will get a shot at whichever HWF title he wants.

The main event of the night is John Cena taking on Ryback in a Double Hell in the Cell.  This is the final match between these two.  The loser of the match will be moved over to the HWF in a trade.  Ryback starts off with a clubbing forearm and Cena hits a piledriver on an exploding C4 board.  Ryback is bleeding and dazed.  Cena hits a knuckle jam.  Ryback tries to hit an overhead belly to belly suplex but Cena neutralized it.  Cena does the “You can’t see me” and then gets nailed by the Meathook Clothesline.  Ryback goes for the pin but John kicks out at 2.  Cena goes to rap with the crowd and turns around into a backpack stunner.  Cena stomps on the face of Ryback but Ryback battles back with a  clubbing forearm.  Cena hits a 5 knuckle shuffle and goes for a pin but Ryback kicks out at 2.  Cena nails the F-U but Ryback pops up and nails a power bomb.  He then hits Cena with a suplex onto an exploding landmine.  Cena is disoriented.  Ryback takes Cena out of the ring and throws him into a pane of glass.  Cena is cut and bleeding.  Ryback jumps from the apron and hits a diving headbutt.  He tosses John back in the ring and hits the Meathook.  He goes for the pin but John kicks out a 1.  Ryback hits a powerslam and then while waiting for Cena to get up, he brings in a pane of glass into the ring.  Cena gets up and Ryback hits a suplex into the glass pane.  Cena collapses.  Ryback makes the cover and the ref counts 1…2…3.  Ryback gets the win.  John Cena will be traded to the HWF.

Brian:  Holy Crap, that’s a lot of blood.
Marc: You know, it had to end this way between the two of them.  If it did not, we’d see endless Cena/Ryback matches.  Enough is enough.  Done is done.
Brian:  I get your point buddy but that is a lot of blood.
Marc: (rolls his eyes)
Brian: That’s the end of our matches for tonight.  Thank you for watching.  Day 2 begins tomorrow.
Marc:  Good night all.

All of a sudden, music hits and it is none other than “The original Big Daddy” Donnie B and MW3.  Both are on their way to the ring in wheelchairs.  Both men have assorted casts and braces on.  They pull out their crutches and limp their way into the ring.  MW3 looks like his mouth is wired shut.  That must have been after Mr. Wrestling 4 broke his jaw.  Both men are in the ring and barely standing on their crutches.  “Fans from around the world…we are back.  The HWF and CSWA are our homes and we could never leave them but circumstances being what they are, it is very likely neither of us will ever wrestle again.  (fans begin to chant “Thank you Both”) We have both given or blood, sweat and tears to these federations and it is with a sad and heavy heart, we both must hang up our boots for the greater good of our health.”  “One more match” chants rang out.  “You know, I really wish we could go out at the top of our game but sometimes you have to just take what life hands you.”

Over the loud speaker, we hear mock clapping and “Boo, Hoo, Hoo” ringing out. 

Out comes Negronomicon.  “Ohhh, did you stub your toe?  Are your feelings hurt?  Well you know what?  You both got exactly what was coming to you.  MW3, you sonofabitch.  You almost cost me MY career.  Payback is a bitch.  Donnie B, my longtime friend/enemy.  You are no better.  In fact, you are just as guilty.  You cost me so much over the last decade that it is just ridiculous beyond belief.  You cost me titles, matches and yes, even this crap ass federation that I owned at one time.  You set me up for failure from the beginning.  Well, this is a fitting end to your tyranny.  You’re done.  In a way, I’m almost sad that this is happening this way.  I would have preferred to end your career in the ring but this is almost as fitting.”  Donnie B fired back “You know, I was actually coming out here to apologize.  Now, I don’t think so.  Everything I did was for the betterment of MY federations.  Some things went too far, sure.  But they were all never personal; until now.  Not until you crashed my wedding some 5 years ago was this personal and then YOU made it that way.  Every bad thing that happened to you was no ones fault but your own.  You will continue to blame everyone else for your shortcomings.  You will never grow up and never take responsibility for what you do yourself.”  Negronomicon interrupted “My fault?  Everything is MY fault?  YOU made the matches.  YOU put me in dangerous situations.  It was never just about ‘just business’. For you, it was always personal.”  Negronomicon then marched down to the ring.  Donnie B and MW3 held their crutches in a defensive position.  All of a sudden, the Mexicali Flyers ran down.  They got in the ring to protect Donnie B and MW3.  “What is this?” Negronomicon asked.  “Is this your protection?  Really, if I wanted to do anymore, do you think these nobodies could stop me?  I am the F*CKING NEGRONOMICON.”  Out then came Marshall William Pearl (where was Cowboy Shizzle?) and he got the Negronomicon to calm down.  “One last thing bitches; Stay out of my ring.  This is my yard now.  You had your time in the sun now get the f*ck out.”  Negronomicon walked back out with Marshall Pearl.  To end the show, Donnie B and MW3 shook hands the best they could with fans from their wheelchairs.

That is all for now.  Stay tuned for the next part of our Clash of the Champions show.

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