The
show begins with the announcement that wrestler Rowdy Roddy Piper has passed
away. The bell rings 10 times in a
moment of silence. We at the HWF and CSWA extend our condolences to his family.
Hello
fans and welcome back to our newsletter.
After reviewing all the evidence and with the help of (our forensic
accountant and investigator) Gardenia Blue, Hulk Hogan has been fired as GM of
the CSWA. The evidence provided shows
that Hogan acted inappropriately with intent of malice and bias overstepping
his bounds as a General Manager.
Effective immediately, GM Max McGillicutty is now the sole GM for both
brands. The owners will contemplate if
they want to hire a replacement for the CSWA GM position but for now, Max has
got both groups.
Our
first match of the night is the Band (the Axe and Dirk ‘the Pick’ Devon) vs
Sami Zayn and Dolph Ziggler. The Band
comes out and are booed. Ziggler and
Zayn come out to a nice pop. Zayn and
Ziggler took the match to the Band and was well on their way to victory until
Axe and Zayn began brawling on the outside of the ring. Axe nails Zayn with the Axe and then threw
him into the steps. Axe rolls back in as
the ref counts 9 and Zayn gets counted out.
The Band pick up a victory. Devon
tried to go after the injured Zayn but Ziggler stood in his path and Dirk ended
up backing off.
Roving
reporter Clarkus Kentus is in the ring and says that his guest tonight is the
#1 box office sensation. Music hits…If
you Smellllllllllll what the Rock is cookin.
But it’s not the Rock who comes out.
Its #CJ dressed as the Rock. #CJ
has a raised eyebrow DRAWN on his face but (looks like part of the M from
McDonald’s logo) (the rock likes to stare at the camera with an eyebrow raised)
and he struts down to the ring. Clarkus
looks confused. #CJ takes the mic. “Finally, the people’s pebble has come back
to…where the hell are we…the stinkpot of the US?” The crowd boos. “It doesn’t matter what you like or don’t
like. The People’s Pebble has
spoken. The People’s Pebble says that
you all SUCK. The People’s Pebble says
that Pebblewood (Hollywood) isn’t for me but I’m going to run back there with
my tail tucked between my legs because…why you ask? IT DOESN’T MATTER but I AM afraid of
#CJ. I’m afraid of what he’ll do to my
pretty little face. He IS the man’s man
and I can’t hold a candle to him.
However, a challenge was issued and if I don’t want to look like a
pansy, I must accept. #CJ will kick my
ass; no doubt. I will run back to Pebblewood;
no doubt. I can’t go to my home at the
CRAPdown Hotel; but will go to my other home at Know MY role Blvd and I’m
Afraid St. #CJ, the former hardcore
champion, will beat me from pillar to post and you know what, like a chump,
I’ll take it. I’ll lay down when I’ve
had enough because the REAL #PC will show me that I’m…not…worthy. If you smell…what the pebble…has in his
pants…whoa, glad I wore brown today.” #CJ
drops the mic and leaves. (#People’sPebble and #poopypants were both trending).
We
cut to the back where Layla El is hollering that she hasn’t been used lately
and calls out Women’s Champion Ravishing Raquel. Natalya walks over and tells her to shut her
trap. Layla challenges her to a match
but the loser must quit wrestling.
Natalya looks concerned but then agrees to the match. Layla storms off.
Next
on the card is Sonic Blade & the Nigerian Wraith vs the Steel Curtain for
placement in the tag team rankings. At the
beginning of the match, the Wraith gets “hurt” and a concerned Buzz Steel goes
to check on him. Sonic Blade dropkicks
him out the ring and he lands hard on the steel steps. Buzz ends up getting counted out. (3 ½ min)
The Wraith was faking the injury.
Both had a laugh at the Steel Curtain’s expense. Starbuck Steel gets in their face and
immediately challenges them to another match.
Wraith and Blade accept. This
time, the Steel Curtain didn’t hold back and they battled with the Wraith and
Blade to a 30 minute draw. The Curtain
were destroying Blade and Wraith and fortunately for them, the bell rang to
prevent any further beat downs. Blade
& Wraith hightailed it out of there as soon as the match was declared a
draw.
In
the back, ‘Main Event’ Buff Austin purposely runs into Kurt Angle. Austin berates Angle telling him to watch
where he’s going or he’d have to teach him a lesson. Angle says “Ok, teach me a lesson Mr. Main
Event. By the way, we’re the main event
tonight.” Angle walks away and Austin is
left pondering what he just got himself into.
We
head back to the ring for our next match.
The Bulgarian Bully Alexander Rusev vs. Big E Langston. This is the shortest match of the night that
sees Rusev get the win after he powerbombed Big E on the exposed concrete floor
and Big E got counted out. (90
seconds) Rusev proudly waves his flag as
he leaves the ring.
Buff
Austin, in talking to reporter Larry Morton, says that Kurt Angle has made it
REAL, DAMN REAL and he’s going to show him the meaning of respect even if he
has to beat the tar out of him to get it.
We
go to the ring for the match with a career on the line. Natalya vs Layla El for a contender shot at
the Women’s title. Layla attacks Natalya
before the bell and the ref finally starts the match. Max comes out and says that with a career on
the line, this has to carry more weight so the person losing her job will be
the one who says ‘I Quit’. Natalya
starts off with hitting the Nattie by Nature for a 2 count. She hits a discuss punch for another 2 count
but Layla hits the Layout and in a nonchalant cover, only gets 2. She gets up and starts to threaten the
ref. Natalya hits another Nattie by
Nature and then locks Layla in an octopus stretch in the middle of the
ring. Try as she might, Layla could not
reach the ropes. She had no choice but
to tap out. Layla El is now gone from
the HWF/CSWA. Natalya now is in line for
a title shot at the Women’s title. (7
min)
GM
Max McGillicutty has hired a new wrestler for the HWF. His name is Uhaa Nation. He will be debuting at the next show. Max is then approached by Big E who asks to
be traded to the HWF where he can find new challenges. Max agrees and moves Goldust to the
CSWA. Goldust was in line for an IC
title shot but now that spot will go to Big E and Goldust gets Big E’s Hardcore
title shot.
It
is time for the main event. First, out
comes the Olympic Hero Kurt Angle. Then,
over the loudspeaker blares “It’s time for the MAIN EVENT” and out comes Buff
Austin. The match took a while to start
because Austin refused to get in the ring.
Finally, after Angle chased him around the ring (pretty silly looking on
Buff’s part), he got in the ring. The
ref rang the bell and Austin began beating Angle down as he entered the
ring. He continued the beat down for 5
minutes. Finally, Angle had enough and
hit an Angle Slam. He lowered his
shoulder strap and then waited for Buff to get up. As soon as Buff got to his feet, Kurt hits a
second Angle Slam and gets the 1.2.3 in the middle of the ring. (7 min).
Kurt celebrates in the ring until Buff Austin attacks him beating him
down. Austin drops him with the Pain
Killer and then incapacitates him with the 5 point palm explosion. Austin stands over Angle as the show comes to
a close.
Thanks
for reading. Stay tuned as there is sure
to be fallout from all of this.
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