Hello fans and
welcome back. This will be our final
newsletter before everyone heads off to London for Starcade. We will be covering the fan fest and Starcade
LIVE. For all you who are unable to
attend in person, be sure to catch the event on PPV.
The show begins
with Malo Leche de Mantequilla begging and pleading with GM Hulk Hogan. Malo is asking for ‘executive protection’
from anyone on the roster who wants to do him harm. Hogan scoffs at him and says “Too bad
brother. Deal with it.” He then shows Malo the door and then slams it
in his face.
The first match of
the night has Professor Cobra taking on Sami Zayn. Almost immediately, out comes ‘the Elitist’
Reid Rothchild and he stood at the top of the ramp. About 2 ½ minutes in, Cobra finally sees him
and starts to complain. Zayn nails a
spike brainbuster and at the 3 minute mark, gets the 1-2-3. Reid turns and leaves.
GM Hulk Hogan says
his major announcement will be after the main event so if you want to hear what
it is, brother, you have to stick around.
Next on the card
is The Fiend w/the Miz vs. Jimmy Uso. At the 6 minute mark, the Fiend clotheslines
Jimmy out of the ring. The Miz then hits
Jimmy with a Skull Crushing Finale.
Jimmy Uso ends up getting counted out just before the 7 minute mark.
CSWA World
Champion Kurt Angle comes out and calls out his opponent for Starcade Alexander
Rusev. Rusev no shows so Angle goes on
to promote America and how the “greatest nation in the world” will be
victorious.
Next up is Curtis
Axel taking on Wade Barrett. Hardcore
champion Sheamus also comes out and sits at ringside assisting with
commentary. Both Barrett and Axel gave
it their all and for 28 minutes, neither could get an advantage. Finally Axel hits a vertical Suplex but
collapses under Barrett. Wade then hooks
the leg and gets the 3 count. Wade
Barrett is going on to meet Sheamus for the Hardcore title. Barrett and Sheamus are staring at each other
and then finally part.
HWF World Champion
and Undisputed Heavyweight Champion Bray Wyatt says he will be defending the
HWF title tonight. When asked who it
would be against, he said we would have to wait and find out.
Back to the ring
for more action. Next, Mark Henry takes
on Shield member Seth Rollins. For 5
minutes, Rollins was slippery and Henry just couldn’t catch him. Finally. Rollins went for a flying bodypress
and Henry caught him in a bearhug.
Rollins, not wanting to risk injury tapped out. Mark Henry gets the win in 6 minutes via
submission.
As a quick recap,
over the last few weeks, Droopy Balls McShonnessay has been trying to raise
money between getting his ass kicked by Brock Lesnar, starting a ‘GoFundMe’
page and sitting outside the stadiums with a tin cup so he could go to Starcade
in London. Finally, it seems he has
made enough to get there but it’s not the most convenient. Turns out all he could afford is a prop
jet. Well, if he leaves tomorrow, maybe
he’ll get there by the end of the fan fest.
Next, in what was
supposed to be held off for the PPV, Jay Lethal vs Kenta in a No DQ match will
take place tonight. Turns out that both Lethal and Kenta are participating in
the 6 man title match against the A-Team and Hogan really wanted this one to
happen so he put in on for tonight. The
match was really close for 14 minutes but then Lethal turned up the heat and 4
minutes later, nails a snap Suplex for the 1-2-3. After the match, both men shook hands.
Rocky Lapetus is
walking around handing everyone their tickets.
He approaches the Band (Dirk Devon & the Axe). Dirk immediately begins to berate him. Rocky hands them their tickets (wrapped in a
first class envelope) and then leaves.
Dirk and Axe begin to celebrate until Axe notices that only the wrapper
says First Class. Dirk grabs the tickets
and sees that they are not first class (as he demanded) but are coach and they
are all the way at the back of the plane.
Dirk begins to get very angry and yells “Roooooooooooooocky!”
We head back to
the ring for our next match with Shield member Dean Ambrose taking on
Christian. This match was pretty close
for 16 minutes until Christian nailed back to back One Man Concertos and then
turned up his game. At the 25 minute
mark, Christian nails a dropkick and makes the cover for the win.
Alexander Rusev (I
guess he was here all along) makes his way out and says he’s here for a warm up
match before he goes to Starcade to defeat the Olympic Icon Kurt Angle and take
his title. His opponent is Eric
Young. Rusev hit Young with everything
he could muster but Young would not stay down.
He kept pounding and smashing but EY would not give up. Finally, we got down to the final few seconds
of the match and Rusev, who looked like he loaded something in his arm pad, hit
EY with a clothesline that almost decapitated him. Rusev makes the cover and gets the 1-2-3 just
before the time limit ran out. Rusev
wanted to inflict more damage on EY but then the Caped Crusader appeared and
Rusev ended up backing off.
The HWF World
Champion (and Undisputed Heavyweight Champion) Bray Wyatt came out and said
that someone special on the roster was going to get a title shot. In probably the biggest surprise of the
night, his opponent is…Droopy Balls McShonnessay. HUH?
How the HELL does this schlub get a title shot? Oh, I get it. Wyatt probably wanted a warm up
match too (much like how Lesnar used him for a punching bag). This one only went 8 minutes and ended after
Bray dropped Droopy Balls with a scoop powerslam. Droopy Balls rolls out of the ring and Bray
stands tall for a moment before leaving.
GM Hulk Hogan
comes out to make his announcement. “The
Hulkster is in the house, brother. The
announcement I wanted to make is that the entirety of both rosters will be
making the trip to London.” He stopped
and let the fans express their positive reaction to the news. “Those not in a scheduled match will
participate in a battle royal. I have
received confirmation from our contacts in London that all shows are sold out
as well as the Fan Fest. If you want to
catch the action, be sure to turn in to PPV to catch what I expect to be the best
show of the year. However, it’s gonna
cost you a bit more than $9.99, brother.”
That is all for
now. Next week, there will be one issue
covering the fanfest and then action from our 3 day PPV – Starcade. Stay tuned.
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