Hello fans. Well, the action just keeps going and going
and going so we have to do what we do best and that is report each and every
morsel.
This show begins
with Alexander Rusev vs Tyler Breeze.
Before the match begins, Hogan comes out and says that Rusev is bullying
everyone and that needs to stop. Rusev
asks what an old, wrinkled has-been is going to do. “Well, brother, this old, diseased, has-been
is GM and with that power I can do anything which includes taking away your
title shot. If you lose this match, you
lose your shot at the World Title and Kurt Angle. Rusev flips out in the ring. Rusev starts to beat down on Breeze but then
Kurt Angle comes out and throws Rusev off his game. Breeze takes advantage and nails a
hurricanrana and gets the quick 1-2-3.
Breeze celebrates in the ring but Rusev explodes on him. He nails the Accolade and nearly breaks
Breeze in half. Kurt Angle jumps in and
tries to come to Tyler’s aid but Rusev catches him and begins to pummel
him. He locks Kurt in a camel Clutch and
Hogan comes out threatening to fire him if he doesn’t let up. Rusev drops Angle and leaves the ring (I
guess he lost his title match).
Following the match,
the Caped Crusader suddenly appears, rappelling from the rafters and touching
down in the ring. He asks for a
microphone.
"First things
first: Rappelling down from the rafters
is not easy. I have to be hoisted up to
the ceiling before any fans are admitted to the event, and then I have to just
wait and wait and wait for some injustice to occur in the ring. Seriously, this giant hook in my back is
really uncomfortable..."
C.C. pauses a
moment to take in the crowd reaction, which is murmuring in quiet confusion as
to where exactly C.C. is going with this bit.
"You see,
folks, the Caped Crusader shouldn't have to wait around in the rafters. He should be able to move NOT ONLY up and
down, but also left, right, forward, backward, diagonally, and EVERY WHICH WAY
NECESSARY to combat the continuing injustices he sees in the ring..."
Again, more
confused murmurs from the crowd.
"Like my good
friend Kal-El, whom many of you know as Superman, I, too, believe in Truth,
Justice, and the American Way. And
Alexander Rusev - Mr. Bulgarian-turned-Russian - you my friend, have NONE of
those three qualities! All I see in you
is a big crybaby who jumps into the ring after matches are over and attacks the
legitimate winner of the match. And
why? Because you, sir, are a sore
loser. And if there is one thing that
the Caped Crusader tolerates even less than rule breakers, it is sore
losers! So Rusev, and all you like him,
beware! The Caped Crusader may strike
you from above, from below, from the front, or from behind. You have been warned!"
With that, the
Caped Crusader removes the giant hook from his back and begins to run around in
the ring, bouncing back and forth off the ropes before climbing to the top rope
and triumphantly raising his arms in salute to the fans, who are just now starting
to cheer a little. He then leaves
through the crowd – much to the delight of the fans.
The lights go dim
and yep, time for another vignette of “The Greatest Staches in History Part 5 –
Fictional Characters.” The montage rolls
and this time we see Snidely Whiplash and Boris Badenov (from Rocky &
Bullwinkle), Sasha Cohen as Borat, J. Jonah Jameson (from Spider-Man). Ron
Burgandy, Isaac from “the Loveboat”, Ned Flanders (Simpsons), and Yosemite Sam
(Looney Toons).
As Looney as it
sounds, there is none like…
The Stache.
Coming soon to an
arena near you in 2015.
Malo Leche de
Mantequilla comes out with his (supposed) tag champs the (phony) Phlyers. Malo says that these champions will defeat
the evil-doers that are Donnie B and MW3.
Donnie B and MW3 come out and say that no time is like the present and
that Malo needs to put up or shut the HELL UP.
Malo takes offense and says he wants to teach them a lesson. Malo tells them to go find a partner and meet
his team in the ring. Donnie B says they
already did that and brings out Prince Devitt as their partner.
Donnie B, MW3 and
Prince Devitt defeat Malo Leche de Mantequilla and the phony Phlyers via DQ
after Malo brought a chair in to the ring and hit MW3 with it. After the match, the Phlyers are disposed of
quickly and MW3 hits Malo with a MW2
Kneelift. Donnie B follows it up with a
brainbuster and then Prince Devitt joined in the fun and locks in an ankle lock
and Malo is screaming in pain and tapping out.
He lets go and the Phlyers grab Malo and drag him to the back.
In the back, MVP
and Bram are talking all kinds of smack. They say how they are the best team in
the sport and per the graciousness of GM Hulk Hogan, they will get a rematch
against Miz-fits at Starcade but for now, they want some fodder. In walk the Shield (Dean Ambrose and Seth
Rollins) and they say that if Bram and MVP want an ass-beating, the Shield will
give it to them.
We go back to the
ring for our next match of Prestige Inc. (King Damian Sandow & Magnus)
taking on the Dust Brothers (Goldust and Stardust). The Dust brothers continue to be a thorn in
the side of Prestige Inc. For the first
part of the match, the Dust boys owned their opponents. Finally, the façade of Prestige Inc. began to
crack. After 16 minutes of abuse,
Prestige had enough and started to get dirty.
Goldust kept egging them on. Just
past the 23 minute mark, Goldust plants a pair of brass knuckles on Magnus.
When Magnus sees them, so does the ref and Prestige Inc. are immediately
disqualified. The Dust Brothers win this
one by DQ. After the match, a pissed off
Magnus belts both Goldie and Star with the brass knuckles knocking them out
much to the delight of the fans.
Eventually the Dust boys wake up and leave.
Randy Orton storms
out and demands in-ring time. Kofi Kingston comes out to oblige. For 7 minutes Kofi went toe to toe with
Orton. He didn’t like that. Orton pulls Kofi to the outside and hits the
RKO. Randy rolls back in to beat the 10 count and wins this one via countout.
We go to our next
match almost immediately with Bo Dallas taking on Xavier Woods. In a 13 minute ass-kicking, Woods gets the
win after hitting a military press double knee gutbuster.
Sting appears on
the Omegatron and says that if HWF World Champ Bray Wyatt needs an opponent for
Starcade, he’ll step up. We will have to
wait and see either what Wyatt or Hogan say.
We just keep
moving with the matches with MVP and Bram taking on the Shield. This was another match that went to a 30
minute time limit and the Shield just couldn’t keep their opponents down for
the 3. After the match was over, the Miz and the Fiend came out and brawled
with Bram and MVP. Security had to separate all of them.
The show is
winding down as we head into our last 2 matches of the night. First, we have the A-Team defending the 6 man
titles against the Band and Psycho Jack Hercules. Before the match could begin, out comes Roman
Reigns and Bobby Lashley. A pissed off
Dirk Devon tosses Abyss from the ring and the A-Team just walked out. They get
counted out at 2 minutes but the belts don’t change hands. Psycho Jack gets
eliminated and Reigns, Lashley, Axe and Pick all brawl up the ramp and didn’t
stop till they got to the back.
It is time for our
main event with US Champion AJ Styles defending the title against Ken
Anderson. The end came at 12 minutes
when Anderson who reversed a Styles Clash, tried for the Mic Check but that got
reversed and ended up eating a spin kick.
AJ made the cover and got the win. AJ will be going to Starcade to team
with Dolph Ziggler where the champs must win to retain their titles.
Here is how the Starcade
cards looks (practically finalized – no particular order over 2 days):
John Cena vs Brock
Lesnar in a steel cage match
Donnie B and MW3
vs the ‘phony’ Phlyers w/ Malo Leche de Mantequilla for the tag team titles
Dirk ‘the pick’
Devon & the Axe vs Roman Reigns & Bobby Lashley
North American
Champion Big Show vs Ryback in a rematch for the title
Wyatt’s Warriors
vs Beer Money
Prestige Inc. vs
the Dust Brothers
Women’s Champion
AJ Lee vs Spider Violet
CSWA World
Champion Kurt Angle vs Alexander Rusev
Diva’s Champion
Ravishing Raquel vs Cactus Jackie
The Elitist Reid
Rothchild vs Professor Cobra. The title
was held up and they will battle for the championship.
Master Bull vs Hulk
Hogan for the full managerial rights for the HWF and CSWA - Master Bull vs
Psycho Jack (representing Hogan) for the title GM
The Miz-Fits vs
Bram & MVP
IC champion and US
Champion team up. As long as one of the
champs gets the pin, both retain. If an
opponent pins one of the champs, both belts are lost. Champs AJ Styles (US) and Dolph Ziggler (IC)
vs. Samoa Joe & Daniel Bryan.
Hardcore Champion
Sheamus vs Wade Barrett
Casey Jones vs Adam
Rose for the X-Division title
Conan Jones vs
Adrian Neville
Still to be
determined:
HWF World Champion
Bray Wyatt vs ???
Six Man Champions
the A-Team vs
Undisputed
Heavyweight Championship Bray Wyatt vs ???
There will be a 2
day fan fest in London before Starcade.
To allow all wrestlers time to relax, there will be no house shows
before they have to leave for London. Stay
Tuned. Things are really heating
up.
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