HWF/CSWA Wrestling Newsletter 2014 – 12.07 – the Road to Starcade

Hello fans, this is going to be a short issue as we recap the happenings on the road to Starcade.  As we mentioned in the last issue, Droopy Balls McShonnessay was only able to get a flight to London (he is not an official member of the roster so he had to cover his own airfare) via a prop plane.  As of day one of the Fan Fest, he still is not here. 

On the plane ride over, there was a bit of comedy relief going on as it turns out that Axe and Dirk Devon’s seats were all the way in the back and both sat right next to the restroom for the ENTIRE flight.  I guess Rocky Lapetus got the last laugh on that one.

During day one of the fan fest, a couple of altercations occurred.  Even though the performers were spread throughout the venue, most of the newbies (new to the federations) sat close to each other.  Apparently, MVP thought he was a true MVP and deserved to be in the same room as the champions but that was not the case.  MVP and Bram decided to interrupt the signings at the Miz-fit table.  Jealous that they didn’t have anyone at their table, they tried to start something with the Fiend and the Miz.  Security was on hand and diffused the situation before someone did something they might regret.  An interesting note, the Fiend had a LOT of people (mostly Misfit fans) at his table and Miz got to partake some of that by association.  Also noteworthy, the Caped Crusader, Southern Belle and (making his first public appearance) the Stache all had an abundance of fans at their tables.  Speaking of Caped Crusader, you’ll never guess who actually approached him for an autograph…it was none other than our past and present ‘Batman’ actors.  In attendance were Ben Affleck, Christian Bale, Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney and, yes, Adam West.  All the actors took pictures with the Caped Crusader in what was surely the biggest surprise / highlight of the fan fest.   

In a separate part of the building, ‘the original Big Daddy’ Donnie B and MW3 were signing autographs but they were rudely interrupted by Malo Leche de Mantequilla and his phony Phlyers.   Malo caused such a ruckus that it caused GM Hulk Hogan to come over and along with his meat shield, physically removed the team.

Day 2 of the fan fest had no major complaints.  The place was packed and everyone on the HWF and CSWA rosters made some extra spending money.  There was a bit of tension between Cactus Jackie and Fusion Valentine who happened to be sitting next to each other but they both acted like professionals.  Droopy Balls McShonnessay finally arrived and looked like death warmed over.  He was able to sign just enough autographs to cover cab fare back to the airport much less a flight home.  (Editor’s note: his ‘GoFundMe’ page is still live if you feel sorry enough for him and want to donate.)

Here is how the 3 day card will go.  The card line up is subject to change.  If one day runs short, matches could be moved between days.

Friday

·         Battle Royal for anyone not in a single or tag team match

·         Prestige Inc. vs the Dust Brothers

·         Casey Jones vs Adam Rose for the X-Division title

·         North American Champion Big Show vs Ryback in a rematch for the title

·         Senor Vampiro vs El Chango in a barb wire match.

·         Six Man Champions the A-Team vs Jay Lethal, Kenta and Sanada for the title

·         Cross Promotional Match - Sting vs Randy Orton

·         CSWA World Champion Kurt Angle vs Alexander Rusev in a Russian Chain match

Saturday

·         Women’s battle Royal (Fusion Valentine, Gail Kim, Madison Rayne, Velvet Sky, Alicia Fox, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Angelina Love, Natalya Neidhart, and Layla El.)

·         HWF World Champion Bray Wyatt vs Kane

·         Diva’s Champion Ravishing Raquel vs Cactus Jackie

·         #Conan Jones vs Adrian Neville

·         The Elitist Reid Rothchild vs Professor Cobra.  The title was held up and they will battle for the championship.

·         Wyatt’s Warriors vs Beer Money

·         Champs AJ Styles (US) and Dolph Ziggler (IC) vs.  Samoa Joe & Daniel Bryan. Champions must score the pin or they both lose their titles.

·         John Cena vs Brock Lesnar in a steel cage match

Sunday

·         The Miz-Fits vs Bram & MVP

·         HWF vs CSWA World Champions to see who will fight for the Undisputed title.  If Bray retains against Kane, then whomever wins between Angle and Rusev will meet Bray for the Undisputed Heavyweight title.

·         Women’s Champion AJ Lee vs Spider Violet

·         Dirk ‘the pick’ Devon & the Axe vs Roman Reigns & Bobby Lashley

·         Hardcore Champion Sheamus vs Wade Barrett

·         Master Bull vs Hulk Hogan for the full managerial rights for the HWF and CSWA - Master Bull vs Psycho Jack (representing Hogan) for the title GM

·         Donnie B and MW3 vs the ‘phony’ Phlyers w/ Malo Leche de Mantequilla for the tag team titles

·         Undisputed Heavyweight Championship Bray Wyatt vs HWF or the CSWA champion

The show is just around the corner so stay tuned.

HWF/CSWA Wrestling Newsletter 2014 – 12.06

Hello fans and welcome back.  This will be our final newsletter before everyone heads off to London for Starcade.  We will be covering the fan fest and Starcade LIVE.  For all you who are unable to attend in person, be sure to catch the event on PPV.

The show begins with Malo Leche de Mantequilla begging and pleading with GM Hulk Hogan.  Malo is asking for ‘executive protection’ from anyone on the roster who wants to do him harm.  Hogan scoffs at him and says “Too bad brother.  Deal with it.”  He then shows Malo the door and then slams it in his face.

The first match of the night has Professor Cobra taking on Sami Zayn.  Almost immediately, out comes ‘the Elitist’ Reid Rothchild and he stood at the top of the ramp.  About 2 ½ minutes in, Cobra finally sees him and starts to complain.  Zayn nails a spike brainbuster and at the 3 minute mark, gets the 1-2-3.  Reid turns and leaves.

GM Hulk Hogan says his major announcement will be after the main event so if you want to hear what it is, brother, you have to stick around.

Next on the card is The Fiend w/the Miz  vs. Jimmy Uso.  At the 6 minute mark, the Fiend clotheslines Jimmy out of the ring.  The Miz then hits Jimmy with a Skull Crushing Finale.  Jimmy Uso ends up getting counted out just before the 7 minute mark.

CSWA World Champion Kurt Angle comes out and calls out his opponent for Starcade Alexander Rusev.  Rusev no shows so Angle goes on to promote America and how the “greatest nation in the world” will be victorious. 

Next up is Curtis Axel taking on Wade Barrett.  Hardcore champion Sheamus also comes out and sits at ringside assisting with commentary.  Both Barrett and Axel gave it their all and for 28 minutes, neither could get an advantage.  Finally Axel hits a vertical Suplex but collapses under Barrett.  Wade then hooks the leg and gets the 3 count.  Wade Barrett is going on to meet Sheamus for the Hardcore title.  Barrett and Sheamus are staring at each other and then finally part.

HWF World Champion and Undisputed Heavyweight Champion Bray Wyatt says he will be defending the HWF title tonight.  When asked who it would be against, he said we would have to wait and find out.

Back to the ring for more action.  Next, Mark Henry takes on Shield member Seth Rollins.  For 5 minutes, Rollins was slippery and Henry just couldn’t catch him.  Finally. Rollins went for a flying bodypress and Henry caught him in a bearhug.  Rollins, not wanting to risk injury tapped out.  Mark Henry gets the win in 6 minutes via submission.

As a quick recap, over the last few weeks, Droopy Balls McShonnessay has been trying to raise money between getting his ass kicked by Brock Lesnar, starting a ‘GoFundMe’ page and sitting outside the stadiums with a tin cup so he could go to Starcade in London.   Finally, it seems he has made enough to get there but it’s not the most convenient.  Turns out all he could afford is a prop jet.  Well, if he leaves tomorrow, maybe he’ll get there by the end of the fan fest.

Next, in what was supposed to be held off for the PPV, Jay Lethal vs Kenta in a No DQ match will take place tonight. Turns out that both Lethal and Kenta are participating in the 6 man title match against the A-Team and Hogan really wanted this one to happen so he put in on for tonight.  The match was really close for 14 minutes but then Lethal turned up the heat and 4 minutes later, nails a snap Suplex for the 1-2-3.  After the match, both men shook hands.

Rocky Lapetus is walking around handing everyone their tickets.  He approaches the Band (Dirk Devon & the Axe).  Dirk immediately begins to berate him.  Rocky hands them their tickets (wrapped in a first class envelope) and then leaves.  Dirk and Axe begin to celebrate until Axe notices that only the wrapper says First Class.  Dirk grabs the tickets and sees that they are not first class (as he demanded) but are coach and they are all the way at the back of the plane.  Dirk begins to get very angry and yells “Roooooooooooooocky!”

We head back to the ring for our next match with Shield member Dean Ambrose taking on Christian.  This match was pretty close for 16 minutes until Christian nailed back to back One Man Concertos and then turned up his game.  At the 25 minute mark, Christian nails a dropkick and makes the cover for the win.

Alexander Rusev (I guess he was here all along) makes his way out and says he’s here for a warm up match before he goes to Starcade to defeat the Olympic Icon Kurt Angle and take his title.  His opponent is Eric Young.  Rusev hit Young with everything he could muster but Young would not stay down.  He kept pounding and smashing but EY would not give up.  Finally, we got down to the final few seconds of the match and Rusev, who looked like he loaded something in his arm pad, hit EY with a clothesline that almost decapitated him.  Rusev makes the cover and gets the 1-2-3 just before the time limit ran out.  Rusev wanted to inflict more damage on EY but then the Caped Crusader appeared and Rusev ended up backing off.

The HWF World Champion (and Undisputed Heavyweight Champion) Bray Wyatt came out and said that someone special on the roster was going to get a title shot.   In probably the biggest surprise of the night, his opponent is…Droopy Balls McShonnessay.  HUH?  How the HELL does this schlub get a title shot?  Oh, I get it. Wyatt probably wanted a warm up match too (much like how Lesnar used him for a punching bag).  This one only went 8 minutes and ended after Bray dropped Droopy Balls with a scoop powerslam.  Droopy Balls rolls out of the ring and Bray stands tall for a moment before leaving.

GM Hulk Hogan comes out to make his announcement.  “The Hulkster is in the house, brother.  The announcement I wanted to make is that the entirety of both rosters will be making the trip to London.”  He stopped and let the fans express their positive reaction to the news.  “Those not in a scheduled match will participate in a battle royal.  I have received confirmation from our contacts in London that all shows are sold out as well as the Fan Fest.  If you want to catch the action, be sure to turn in to PPV to catch what I expect to be the best show of the year.  However, it’s gonna cost you a bit more than $9.99, brother.”

That is all for now.  Next week, there will be one issue covering the fanfest and then action from our 3 day PPV – Starcade.  Stay tuned.

HWF/CSWA Wrestling Newsletter 2014 – 12.05

Hello fans and welcome back to the newsletter.  Let’s get right to the action.

The first match of the night is Wade Barrett taking on Bo Dallas.  As hard as Wade tried, he could not keep Bo down for a consecutive 3 seconds.  The match ends up going the distance ending in a time limit draw.  Before he could leave, out comes Curtis Axel who says that Barrett cost him the title.  He is challenging Barrett to a match and if he wins, he gets the shot at Sheamus at the PPV.  Barrett agrees to the match but says he has some bad news…he still isn’t going to Starcade so he needs to just accept that and go away.

GM Hulk Hogan says that there will a huge announcement at the end of this week and he feels both performers and fans alike will like that but they have to tune into the final show of the week to get that information.

           

We head back to the ring for our next match with Jeff Hardy vs Ken Anderson.  This was pretty much a cake walk for Hardy as he owned the match but it went on longer than he would have liked as Anderson kept kicking out.  Finally, Hardy nails a Swanton Bomb from the top turnbuckle and gets the win at the 20 minute mark.

Malo Leche de Mantequilla and the Phoney Phlyers are cutting a promo how they’re gonna take down Donnie B and MW3 once and for all.  King Damian Sandow walks by but cuts in front of the camera.  Malo takes offense and challenges his Royalness to a match.  Sandow accepts.

Back to the ring for some tag team action with the Dust Brothers taking on Kenta and Sanada.  The Asian Exchange (the new name for Kenta and Sanada) really turned it up a notch and took the battle to the Dust Brothers.  Half way through the match, all the members of Prestige Inc. came out for scouting purposes and that did the Dust Brothers no favors.  Sanada catches Stardust in an abdominal stretch and then rolled him up for a pin at the 17 minute mark.  Both Goldust and Stardust weren’t happy but if you looked close enough, you could see the beginnings of a smile start to creep up their faces.

Prestige Inc. say they are united and will be there for his Lordship as he takes on Malo Leche de Mantequilla.

Back in the ring, we have Adrian Neville taking on ‘The Original Big Daddy’ Donnie B.  This one went 25 minutes and both men held their own.  It wasn’t until Malo Leche made his way out and blasted Donnie B with a chair then the tide turned in Neville’s favor.  This allowed Neville to connect with a back heel kick and with DB’s feet being held down (by Malo), Adrian collects the win.  Malo retreats up the ramp laughing.

MW3 meets Donnie B in the back.  He says that he has Adam Rose up next.   Donnie B says he’s going to go find Malo and make sure he does not interfere in MW3’s match.

MW3 vs Adam Rose is the next match and both men head to the ring.  This one was a bit closer but didn’t go as long.  At the 7 minute mark, MW3 is tossed out of the ring.  In from the audience run the Phoney Phlyers and they put the beat down on MW3.  The Phlyers scurry through the crowd and MW3 ends up getting counted out.  Adam Rose gains a victory although a tainted one.

MVP makes his way to the ring and begins talking smack about both the HWF and CSWA rosters.  He questions if there is even one man capable of taking him on, well, maybe he’d better show his face.  This prompts John Cena to come out and accept the challenge.  This one goes 12 minutes and after having his ass handed to him, MVP decides he’s had enough and leaves.  As soon as he is counted out, Brock Lesnar hits the ring and he and Cena brawl all the way to the back.

Now it is time for our main event with Malo Leche de Mantequilla taking on King Damian Sandow.  This one never really got started as Malo had the Phlyers attack and beat down his Lordship.  Out of nowhere, in pops the Caped Crusader.  With a WAM!BAM!POW! for the Phlyers and one for Malo, CC clears the ring.  CC suggests to the ref that instead of this being 1:1, maybe it should be made into a 6 man.  Hulk Hogan comes out and says he likes the suggestion. 

Malo Leche de Mantequilla and the Phoney Phlyers vs Prestige Inc (King Damian Sandow, Magnus & the Elitist Reid Rothchild).  Prestige Inc were kicking everyone’s asses until Malo got a chair and got his team disqualified.  Malo and the Phlyers bailed and as there were leaving, Donnie B and MW3 came down and fought with them.    Prestige Inc. ended up eliminating the Phlyers and left Malo to Donnie B and MW3.  A superkick followed by a top rope superplex had Malo counting stars.  Donnie B held him and MW3 removed his mask but Malo was quick to cover up and high tail it out of there.  Donnie B says “I KNEW IT” and tells MW3 who it is.  I guess they’re not going to share that with us.

That is all for now.  There is one final show before everyone participating heads off to London.  Stay Tuned.

HWF/CSWA Wrestling Newsletter 2014 – 12.04

Hello fans and welcome back to our newsletter.  All final house shows will be wrapping up this week and then everyone will be packing up to head out to London starting next week.

The show begins with Sting making his way to the ring.  He gets on a mic and says that Kane needed half the locker room and Bray Wyatt to put him down.  He is then interrupted by Randy Orton and the Viper complains that he is not on the card and should be headlining Starcade.  Orton pie faces Sting as he is crossing the ring and a brawl ensues.  GM Hulk Hogan comes out and tells them to break it up.  Hogan says that he is giving them both an early Christmas present.  They are both going to Starcade and their opponents will be…each other.  Hogan says he will grant a world title shot to either man who win this match.  It must be a pin or submission as he will not accept a count out win as an official win.  Sting and Randy have a stare down as the segment ends.

After a quick commercial break, we go to the ring for our first match and has Tajiri taking on Roderick Strong.  In what was a very one-sided match, Tajiri gets the win after hitting Strong with a Kick of Death at the 18 minute mark.

We head to the back where Kane is being interviewed.  Kane says that Bray attacking him at the end of the last show only went to show his insecurities.  Kane will defeat Bray at Starcade and will walk out with the World Heavyweight title.  He’ll then go on and win the Undisputed title.  Bray will burn in Hell.

Our next match is up and it is #Conan Jones vs Tyson Kidd.  Jones has been on a losing streak as of late and he is hoping to turn this one around.  This one went 17 minutes and even though he tried, # was unsuccessful.  He gets pinned after Kidd hits him with the Code Blue.  #Conan Jones is still on a losing streak.

Hogan announces they secured a 3^rd date for Starcade and those tickets are now on sale.  Get yours now before they too are gone.  The 2 day fanfest is also set up and those tickets are almost sold out. 

Match #3 is on and it is Senor Vampiro taking on Mike Bennett.  Vampiro was holding his own with Bennett up until the 14 minute mark and that is when El Chango came out.  After getting tossed to the outside of the ring, Bennett was getting reprimanded by the ref and El Chango nails Vampiro with a barbwire kendo stick.  Vampiro is tossed back in the ring and Bennett beats on the defenseless Vampiro for 3 minutes before pinning him with an armbar.  Hogan comes back out and says that he forgot about these two but is making amends now.  These two will be in a barbwire cage match at Starcade.  Only one will survive.

Match #4 has Prince Devitt taking on Tyler Breeze.  This was a short match as Breeze was more like a hurricane.  He ran all over Devitt and in just 4 short minutes, gets the win with a superkick.  After the match, Breeze gets on the mic and says he’s coming after the US title.  It doesn’t matter who has it; he will be taking it.

Kurt Angle is in the back and he calls Rusev a coward for attacking him like he did.  Angle says the only reason Rusev is not suspended is because Angle wants to kick his ass from post to post.  Rusev will have nowhere to go once Angle smacks him around with the Russian chain.

Match #5 is up next and has The Fallen Angel Christopher Daniels taking on Heath Slater.  Right off the bat, Daniels neutralized a flapjack from Slater and then nails a Death Valley Driver. Slater rolls out of the ring and after trying to get back in the ring but Daniels kept scaring him off, he just gave up and walked out.  Daniels gets the win via CO.

Alexander Rusev is cutting a promo and says that Hogan made the best decision of his entire career and Angle made the worst.  The Bulgarian-turned-Russian says he will break Angle and then take the World title home to the Motherland where Putin himself will bestow him with honor and privilege only a World Champion deserves.  “Oh, and if that costume freak wants a piece of me, I’ll break him in half and send him to his cave in a pine box.”

Match #6 has Roman Reigns taking on Kevin Steen.  This one was an 11 minute ass beating with Steen on the receiving end.  This pathetic match came to an end after Reigns hit Steen with a Samoan drop.  Thank God.

GM Hulk Hogan says that he expects the 3^rd day of Starcade to be sold out by the end of the week.  Anyone who wants to attend need to get their butts in gear, brother.  Also, he says that there will be a Fan Fest that will take place over two days before the extravaganza. 

We head to the ring for our Main event which is for the Hardcore Title.  Champion Sheamus is taking on Curtis Axel.  This was another short match which saw Wade Barrett make his way out.  Sheamus didn’t seem to mind but it threw Axel off his game.  Wade ends up sliding in a steel chair into the ring.  In 4 minutes, Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick onto a steel chair.  Sheamus makes the cover and gets the win.  After the match, Barrett and Sheamus have words but Barrett leaves before it gets physical.   Once revived, Axel was NOT in a good mood.

Thanks for reading. There will be more action coming so stay tuned.

HWF/CSWA Wrestling Newsletter 2014 – 12.03

Hello fans and welcome back to our newsletter.  Today’s issue starts off with GM Hulk Hogan addressing the cowardly attack by Alexander Rusev on Kurt Angle.  Hogan says that Angle is demanding the match at Starcade even though Rusev lost his title match.  The Hulkster thought about it and has decided to grant the match anyway.   However, this is going to be a specialty match that Kurt asked for.  This one will actually be a Russian Chain match.

HWF World and Undisputed Champion Bray Wyatt comes out.  He addresses the comments made by Sting. Wyatt says that even though he struggles to find someone worthy of a title shot, there are still more qualified performers on the active roster than ‘the Crow’.  Sting then walks out and heads to the ring.  Sting says he’s more than qualified and even the crowd pops for him when he asks them if they want to see him fight for the HWF World title.  Wyatt says he will consider it but first, Sting must wrestle someone who Wyatt feels is already a top contender.  Sting accepts whomever that will be.  Wyatt says he will make a decision and that match will be our main event tonight.  Both men then leave.

The first match of the night is Big E vs Dean Ambrose.  For 11 minutes, Ambrose was holding his own but then Big E amped up the power.  Big E ends up with the win after pinning Ambrose after executing a leveraged two hand chinlock. (13 min)

We head right into our next match with Jay Lethal taking on Kenta.  This one only went 2 minutes and ended after Kenta, who had gotten hit with the Lethal Injection on the outside of the ring, got counted out.  GM Hulk Hogan came out and said that this match was supposed to be a 5 Star and obviously wasn’t.  Hogan asks for the match to be restarted.  The exact same thing happens.  2 minutes in, outside the ring, another Lethal Injection and another countout.  Hmm, I wonder if this match just isn’t supposed to happen.  Hogan comes back out and says that the 3^rd time will be a charm but that will happen at Starcade (he’s adding a match to the already beefy lineup) and that one will be a no DQ/CO match.  He expects great things from these two.

We cut to the back and see numerous people talking to Bray Wyatt about taking on Sting in tonight’s main event for a shot at the HWF World title at Starcade.  So far, we’ve seen Super Warrior, Kane, and Bobby Roode approach the champ.  All were sent away.

We go back to the ring for our next match.  “The Elitist” Reid Rothchild makes his way out for his match against Rockstar Spud.  The title is not on the line here.  This one goes 19 ½ minutes and sees Professor Cobra come out.  Cobra paces around the ring watching the action.  The ref goes down and Cobra tells Spud to hold Reid.  Cobra grabs a chair and swings…but hits Spud instead after Reid dropped to the mat.  Spud falls out of the ring.  Reid nails Cobra with a  Rothchild Stunner and he falls out of the ring.  The ref gets up and sees Spud on the outside.  He makes the count and after reaching 10, awards the match to Reid.    Cobra gets the chair again and tries to go after Reid but then the lights flicker and then standing in the ring is the Caped Crusader.  Cobra is stunned and goes to swing the chair at the CC but he is the one who is stunned after he hits Cobra with the Wam!Bam!Pow!.  The lights flicker again and the Caped Crusader is gone.  Cobra leaves but yells at Reid as he backs up the ramp.

More people approach Bray trying to qualify for the World title match.  El Chango, Samoa Joe and Brock Lesnar all approach Bray and he sends them all away however Brock said that after he destroys Cena, he is coming back after HIS title.

We go back to the ring for more action and this one has Conan Jones (who by the way, changed his name on the marquee to #ConanJones – I wonder if that means we start calling him #) and he is taking on Kazarian.  This one only goes 7 minutes and comes to an end after Kaz hits # with a snap Suplex and rolls him up for the 1-2-3.  It seems #ConanJones is continuing his losing ways.  Poor Guy.

The final batch of wrestlers approach Bray trying to make their case.  They are John Cena, James Storm and Jack Swagger.  Cena and Wyatt have a stare down but all are sent on their way.

The lights dim and the Omegatron lights up once again.  This appears to be the final installment of  The Greatest Staches in History.  This one is titled Part 6: Inspirational leaders.  The montage begins and shows people who have made great contributions to the world…who have great staches.  Author Mark Twain, Albert Einstein, Sheriff Wyatt Earp, Presidents Grover Cleveland, William H. Taft and Teddy Roosevelt.  The tag line reads “All Great Men…All Great Staches.”

Then it reads: “One Stache to rule them all.”   The Stache.

We head back to the ring for our next match which has Seth Rollins taking on Curtis Axel.  This one goes 8 minutes and was controlled by the Shield member. Axel ends up eating a Superkick at the 8 minute mark and that was all for him. 

HWF World Champion Bray Wyatt comes out and says he’s made a decision.  He tells Sting to come out.  Sting makes his way out and asks who tonight’s opponent will be. Bray introduces this man….the lights go out and FLAMES rise.  Yep, it is Kane.  Kane makes his way to the ring.  Bray leaves as Kane enters and the match begins.  However, before the match could start, every one of those wresters who were lobbying for a match came out.  Sting had to fight all of them off.  Cena and Brock fought between themselves and actually fought all the way to the back.  The others pounded Sting as well as each other but finally the ref cleared house.  Sting and Kane had 4+ star match and really put on a good show.  Bray ended up interfering and hit Sting with the Sister Abigail.  Kane then climbed to the top turnbuckle and nailed a clothesline on Sting.  Kane makes the cover and gets the win in 18 minutes.  Kane is exhausted.  Bray Wyatt gets in the ring and hits Kane with the Sister Abigail.  Bray stands tall holding the HWF title over his head as the show comes to a conclusion. 

Stay tuned as Starcade is two weeks away and there will be tons of action before heading to London.

HWF/CSWA Wrestling Newsletter 2014 – 12.02

Hello fans.  Well, the action just keeps going and going and going so we have to do what we do best and that is report each and every morsel.

This show begins with Alexander Rusev vs Tyler Breeze.  Before the match begins, Hogan comes out and says that Rusev is bullying everyone and that needs to stop.  Rusev asks what an old, wrinkled has-been is going to do.  “Well, brother, this old, diseased, has-been is GM and with that power I can do anything which includes taking away your title shot.  If you lose this match, you lose your shot at the World Title and Kurt Angle.  Rusev flips out in the ring.  Rusev starts to beat down on Breeze but then Kurt Angle comes out and throws Rusev off his game.  Breeze takes advantage and nails a hurricanrana and gets the quick 1-2-3.  Breeze celebrates in the ring but Rusev explodes on him.  He nails the Accolade and nearly breaks Breeze in half.  Kurt Angle jumps in and tries to come to Tyler’s aid but Rusev catches him and begins to pummel him.  He locks Kurt in a camel Clutch and Hogan comes out threatening to fire him if he doesn’t let up.  Rusev drops Angle and leaves the ring (I guess he lost his title match).

Following the match, the Caped Crusader suddenly appears, rappelling from the rafters and touching down in the ring.  He asks for a microphone.

"First things first:  Rappelling down from the rafters is not easy.  I have to be hoisted up to the ceiling before any fans are admitted to the event, and then I have to just wait and wait and wait for some injustice to occur in the ring.  Seriously, this giant hook in my back is really uncomfortable..."

C.C. pauses a moment to take in the crowd reaction, which is murmuring in quiet confusion as to where exactly C.C. is going with this bit.

"You see, folks, the Caped Crusader shouldn't have to wait around in the rafters.  He should be able to move NOT ONLY up and down, but also left, right, forward, backward, diagonally, and EVERY WHICH WAY NECESSARY to combat the continuing injustices he sees in the ring..."

Again, more confused murmurs from the crowd.

"Like my good friend Kal-El, whom many of you know as Superman, I, too, believe in Truth, Justice, and the American Way.  And Alexander Rusev - Mr. Bulgarian-turned-Russian - you my friend, have NONE of those three qualities!  All I see in you is a big crybaby who jumps into the ring after matches are over and attacks the legitimate winner of the match.  And why?  Because you, sir, are a sore loser.  And if there is one thing that the Caped Crusader tolerates even less than rule breakers, it is sore losers!  So Rusev, and all you like him, beware!  The Caped Crusader may strike you from above, from below, from the front, or from behind.  You have been warned!"

With that, the Caped Crusader removes the giant hook from his back and begins to run around in the ring, bouncing back and forth off the ropes before climbing to the top rope and triumphantly raising his arms in salute to the fans, who are just now starting to cheer a little.  He then leaves through the crowd – much to the delight of the fans.

The lights go dim and yep, time for another vignette of “The Greatest Staches in History Part 5 – Fictional Characters.”  The montage rolls and this time we see Snidely Whiplash and Boris Badenov (from Rocky & Bullwinkle), Sasha Cohen as Borat, J. Jonah Jameson (from Spider-Man). Ron Burgandy, Isaac from “the Loveboat”, Ned Flanders (Simpsons), and Yosemite Sam (Looney Toons).

As Looney as it sounds, there is none like…

The Stache.

Coming soon to an arena near you in 2015.

Malo Leche de Mantequilla comes out with his (supposed) tag champs the (phony) Phlyers.  Malo says that these champions will defeat the evil-doers that are Donnie B and MW3.  Donnie B and MW3 come out and say that no time is like the present and that Malo needs to put up or shut the HELL UP.  Malo takes offense and says he wants to teach them a lesson.  Malo tells them to go find a partner and meet his team in the ring.  Donnie B says they already did that and brings out Prince Devitt as their partner. 

Donnie B, MW3 and Prince Devitt defeat Malo Leche de Mantequilla and the phony Phlyers via DQ after Malo brought a chair in to the ring and hit MW3 with it.  After the match, the Phlyers are disposed of quickly and MW3 hits Malo with a  MW2 Kneelift.  Donnie B follows it up with a brainbuster and then Prince Devitt joined in the fun and locks in an ankle lock and Malo is screaming in pain and tapping out.  He lets go and the Phlyers grab Malo and drag him to the back.

In the back, MVP and Bram are talking all kinds of smack. They say how they are the best team in the sport and per the graciousness of GM Hulk Hogan, they will get a rematch against Miz-fits at Starcade but for now, they want some fodder.  In walk the Shield (Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins) and they say that if Bram and MVP want an ass-beating, the Shield will give it to them.

We go back to the ring for our next match of Prestige Inc. (King Damian Sandow & Magnus) taking on the Dust Brothers (Goldust and Stardust).  The Dust brothers continue to be a thorn in the side of Prestige Inc.  For the first part of the match, the Dust boys owned their opponents.  Finally, the façade of Prestige Inc. began to crack.  After 16 minutes of abuse, Prestige had enough and started to get dirty.  Goldust kept egging them on.  Just past the 23 minute mark, Goldust plants a pair of brass knuckles on Magnus. When Magnus sees them, so does the ref and Prestige Inc. are immediately disqualified.  The Dust Brothers win this one by DQ.  After the match, a pissed off Magnus belts both Goldie and Star with the brass knuckles knocking them out much to the delight of the fans.  Eventually the Dust boys wake up and leave.

Randy Orton storms out and demands in-ring time. Kofi Kingston comes out to oblige.  For 7 minutes Kofi went toe to toe with Orton.  He didn’t like that.  Orton pulls Kofi to the outside and hits the RKO. Randy rolls back in to beat the 10 count and wins this one via countout.

We go to our next match almost immediately with Bo Dallas taking on Xavier Woods.  In a 13 minute ass-kicking, Woods gets the win after hitting a military press double knee gutbuster.

Sting appears on the Omegatron and says that if HWF World Champ Bray Wyatt needs an opponent for Starcade, he’ll step up.  We will have to wait and see either what Wyatt or Hogan say.

We just keep moving with the matches with MVP and Bram taking on the Shield.  This was another match that went to a 30 minute time limit and the Shield just couldn’t keep their opponents down for the 3. After the match was over, the Miz and the Fiend came out and brawled with Bram and MVP. Security had to separate all of them.

The show is winding down as we head into our last 2 matches of the night.  First, we have the A-Team defending the 6 man titles against the Band and Psycho Jack Hercules.  Before the match could begin, out comes Roman Reigns and Bobby Lashley.  A pissed off Dirk Devon tosses Abyss from the ring and the A-Team just walked out. They get counted out at 2 minutes but the belts don’t change hands. Psycho Jack gets eliminated and Reigns, Lashley, Axe and Pick all brawl up the ramp and didn’t stop till they got to the back.

It is time for our main event with US Champion AJ Styles defending the title against Ken Anderson.  The end came at 12 minutes when Anderson who reversed a Styles Clash, tried for the Mic Check but that got reversed and ended up eating a spin kick.  AJ made the cover and got the win. AJ will be going to Starcade to team with Dolph Ziggler where the champs must win to retain their titles.

Here is how the Starcade cards looks (practically finalized – no particular order over 2 days):

John Cena vs Brock Lesnar in a steel cage match

Donnie B and MW3 vs the ‘phony’ Phlyers w/ Malo Leche de Mantequilla for the tag team titles

Dirk ‘the pick’ Devon & the Axe vs Roman Reigns & Bobby Lashley

North American Champion Big Show vs Ryback in a rematch for the title

Wyatt’s Warriors vs Beer Money

Prestige Inc. vs the Dust Brothers

Women’s Champion AJ Lee vs Spider Violet

CSWA World Champion Kurt Angle vs Alexander Rusev

Diva’s Champion Ravishing Raquel vs Cactus Jackie

The Elitist Reid Rothchild vs Professor Cobra.  The title was held up and they will battle for the championship.

Master Bull vs Hulk Hogan for the full managerial rights for the HWF and CSWA - Master Bull vs Psycho Jack (representing Hogan) for the title GM

The Miz-Fits vs Bram & MVP

IC champion and US Champion team up.  As long as one of the champs gets the pin, both retain.  If an opponent pins one of the champs, both belts are lost.  Champs AJ Styles (US) and Dolph Ziggler (IC) vs.  Samoa Joe & Daniel Bryan.

Hardcore Champion Sheamus vs Wade Barrett

Casey Jones vs Adam Rose for the X-Division title

Conan Jones vs Adrian Neville

Still to be determined:

HWF World Champion Bray Wyatt vs ???

Six Man Champions the A-Team vs

Undisputed Heavyweight Championship Bray Wyatt vs ???

There will be a 2 day fan fest in London before Starcade.  To allow all wrestlers time to relax, there will be no house shows before they have to leave for London.  Stay Tuned.   Things are really heating up.  

HWF/CSWA Wrestling Newsletter 2014 – 12.01

Hello fans and welcome to the first issue of our December newsletter.  There is a bunch of stuff going on so we need to get right into it.

Before the show began, we see the Fiend walking backstage.  The Miz walks up to him.  “You know, I’m still questioning you beating me fair and square but I’m willing to put that aside.  I wanted to see if you would be open to being my tag team partner.  I’ve even come up with the perfect name…’the MIZ-fits’.”  The Fiend looked at him and responded “Miz, I did beat you fair and square and I do like the name…the Miz-fits.  It, if you will, fits.  But I want to make one thing abundantly clear…I am not YOUR tag team partner; you are MY tag team partner.  I have the wrestling acumen and you have the entertainment value. We will be a good team led by me.  I was going to ask GM Hulk Hogan to wrestle a singles match tonight but the debut of Miz-fits works here.  Let’s give the fans a treat.”  They shook hands and then headed toward Hogan’s office.

The arena lights dim and the Omegatron lights up again.  “The Greatest Staches in History Part 3:  Entertainment” airs. 

The montage rolls and shows the actors/their characters with some of the best Staches ever seen on TV:  Rob Reiner (All in the Family), “Mr. Kotter” Gabe Kaplan,  Geraldo Rivera, Robert Goulet, Burt Reynolds, Tom Selleck, Wilford Brimley, the Mythbusters very own Jamie Hyneman, and Groucho Marx.

It then slows down and then highlights Paul Teutul (Orange County Choppers), Chuck Norris, and Sam Elliott – 3 TV tough guys  - 3 tough guy staches. 

The Stache!

  

Part 4 to come later in the show.

We head to the ring for our first match which has the A-Team (Austin Aries, Antonio Cesaro and Abyss) - the 6 man tag team titles wrestling against The Band – Dirk ‘the Pick’ Devon & the Axe w/ Psycho Jack Hercules in a non-title match.  The band had the edge over the champions and after a low blow delivered by the Pick, Axe nails a forearm uppercut to Cesaro and then pins him.  The challengers have a win over the champs and that means they could be due for a title shot. Their victory is short-lived as Roman Reigns runs down with a chair and chases the Band out of the ring.  Reigns says that he has found the man who will team with him to destroy the Band once and for all.  “And by the way, you may want to turn around.”  They turn around only to see Bobby Lashley standing right in front of them.  Dirk and Axe panic as Lashley closes in and they throw Psycho Jack in as bait and run for the hills.  Lashley swats Psycho Jack out of the way as if he were a fly.  Lashley charges after the Band and Reigns joins him and they chase Pain in the Ass through the crowd.

Next up is Daniel Bryan taking on Curtis Axel.  The winner of tonight’s match will team up with Samoa Joe against the US and IC champions in a winning team takes all.  Both men wrestled fair for a few minutes but it was Axel who attacked an injured Bryan while he was down.  Bryan didn’t take too well to that and battled back himself.  In the end, after a flying European uppercut nearly takes Axel’s head off, Bryan makes the cover and gets the pin.  Daniel Bryan is going to Starcade.

In the back, Casey Jones, while being interviewed, is interrupted by Adam Rose and Adrian Neville.  Rose challenges Jones for the X-Division title at Starcade.  Adrian Neville says he wants a match and he says he wants the ‘joke’ who takes the name of a powerful conqueror – The Joke Conan Jones.

GM Hulk Hogan is in the back talking to Rocky Lapetus.  They are still finalizing the Starcade card.  Hogan hopes to announce all the matches in the next week.  Rocky says that “The Greatest Staches in History” Parts 2 and 3 are already top trends on Twitter.  Hogan scratches his chin and says “Tell the production team to run it.”  Rocky looks on in befuddlement.  “Are you sure that is wise?  Stache doesn’t start until next year.  You don’t want to oversaturate him with the audience.”  Hogan says “I know my audience and they’ll eat this up.  Just you watch, brother.”  “Ok” says Rocky.  “I’ll let them know.”  Rocky leaves the office to go talk to production.

Fusion Valentine is in the back and she welcomes the Southern Belle to the team.  “You know chica, I think you’ll make a great addition to our team.  In fact, I wanted to see if you wanted to accompany me to the ring for my match with Madison Rayne.”  “That would be fantastic.  Thanks Fusion.  You really are a great mentor.”  They then head to the ring.

Madison Rayne comes out first and then is followed by Fusion Valentine and the Southern Belle.   Rayne was counted out in their last encounter and she wanted a rematch.  Before the match could begin, Rayne gets on the mic.  “Hey Southern Belle.  I, one half of the team known as the Beautiful People with my tag partner Velvet Sky also wanted to welcome you to our happy home.  However, I see you’ve been hanging out with, shall we say, questionable people…Fusion Valentine?  Really?  Oh and what about our supposed Diva’s Champion Ravishing Raquel?  Really?  Come on sweetheart.  You don’t belong with those dregs; you belong with us – The Beautiful People.  We really are the hottest women in the industry and you should be with us.  We watch each other’s backs and we don’t turn on our friends.  So I’m offering you the chance to join with us.  All you have to do is beat up Fusion Valentine; right here, right now and we’ll make you one of us.  What do you say?  The fans were telling her “No, don’t join them” and for a moment, it looked like she was listening to them but then she took the mic from Madison.  “I agree that I am one of the most beautiful people in this sport but I don’t get to the top by stepping on my friends.  I would join you but not at the cost of turning on someone.”  Madison started to get angry.  “Listen sister, this is the one and only time you’ll get this offer.  Join us or things will get really tough for you really fast.”  Belle then slapped the SHIT right out of Madison and the fans erupted.  She left the ring and the match began.

A very pissed off Madison Rayne then took out her frustrations on Fusion Valentine.  Belle tried to help Fusion out but it seemed to do more harm than good.  After a 21 minute fight, Belle gets up on the apron but Madison purposefully swung Fusion right into her knocking her from the apron.  Madison then straps in an MMA style armbar and an exhausted Fusion Valentine rested for 1 second too long and got pinned.  A victorious Madison left with her arms raised and Belle got in the ring and helped Fusion to her feet and they left together.

The lights dim again and “The Greatest Staches in History Part 4 – ‘alternative entertainment’” airs.  That really odd music plays and I think everyone knows what’s coming.  First it shows former WWF wrestler Val Venis (who’s gimmick was that he was a porn star) followed by former WCW wrestler Buff Bagwell (who really went into porn) and last but not least – Ron Jeremy.  It then said “Big Moustaches and that’s not all… The Stache.  To be continued.”  This vignette was not well received by the crowd tonight.  In fact, if the Stache had a fan base, he lost it right after this aired.  All that work down the toilet. 

Hogan, sitting behind the curtain senses the displeasure from the audience and says they need to provide some entertainment.  “Hey, someone go get Brock and Droopy Balls.  They’re on next.”

Brock Lesnar comes out and this time, he’s dragging a kicking and screaming Droopy Balls McShonnessay behind him.  Droopy Balls no longer wants to be a part of this but Hogan is not letting him out.  Brock doesn’t drag this one out very long.  After 8 minutes, the beast incarnate nails a powerslam and that is all she wrote.  Brock just leaves the broken McShonnessay in the ring to be attended by medics…again.

Brock walks right up to Hogan and says he’s had enough.  He’s ready for Cena.  He walks away before Hogan can say anything.  Rocky Lapetus walks up and says he has bad news.  The last Stache vignette has all but killed any momentum he could have had building up to his debut next year.  Rocky says that there are groups all over twitter calling for Hogan’s resignation after putting that crap out.  “Ok” Hogan says, “Damage control time brother.”

Hogan goes out and is immediately booed for airing that last vignette.  “Listen here.  I made a judgment call and it apparently was the wrong one.  Don’t hate on the Stache until he really gives you a reason to.  I apologize on behalf of the HWF and CSWA for airing that vignette.  I promise, brothers, that it won’t happen again.”  The fans start to change their tune and Hogan leaves.

Our main event of the evening is the Miz-fits taking on Bram and MVP.  I would definitely say that the Miz was the weak link of his team but neither Bram nor MVP could capitalize on it.  As bad of a showing as Miz had, the teamwork of the Miz-fits kept their challengers frustrated.  Finally, a bell rings singnalling a 30 minute time limit draw.  The Fiend is still undefeated and he and Miz had words but it was quickly cleared up. However, Bram and MVP argued who was at fault for not scoring the pin.  The show ends with those two pointing fingers at each other.

We expect the Starcade card (2 days and both are completely sold out) to be announced in the next newsletter so stay tuned.