Hello fans and welcome to Day 2 of our Critical Mass PPV. The event is sold out in front of a packed arena. Pyro goes off and the spotlights zip across the crowd as people are amped up for this match. We go right to our announcers J9 and Dash ‘Smooooooth’ Woodbrick.
J9: Dash, can you believe it? We are here for Day 2 of the Critical Mass
Pay Per View. \
Dash: Man, haven’t you heard of social
distancing? We’re packed like sardines
in here. (Dash turns to a fan behind
him) – HEY…YEAH YOU…take a shower lately?
Hygiene, man, hygiene”.
J9: Dash, we’re supposed to be talking about the
show and not insulting the fans.
Dash: That guy ain’t a fan..Hey, have you ever
driven by a dog food manufacturer?
J9: No
Dash: Get a whiff of this guy and you’ll wish you
did. HAHA
J9: Dash, give me a break. Anyway, the card tonight, Col. Flagg takes on
Matches Malone is a boot camp match; Davis Hoffmeister and Drew the Canadian
Love Machine take on the Smashers in a falls count anywhere match; the Huber
Clan and the Muscles Trio finally meet in a death match; Everyone’s favorite
fruit the Masked Banana defends the AA title against Tommy Lightning.
Dash: That fruitcake may have defeated Tommy twice
but mark my words, lightning will strike a third time.
J9: Sure.
Back to the matches. The Steel
Curtain defend the World tag team titles against the Freedom Fighters and
lastly, Ladies Champion Catalina Harper defends her title in a Lights out match
against her nemesis Violet Valkyrie.
Dash: You know Valkyries are mythical, right? She’s just going to fade off into the sunset.
J9: Don’t bet on that Dash. Looks like we’re
being treated to an appearance by GM Max McGillicutty.
Dash: Big Woop.
GM Max
McGillicutty comes out to address the crowd.
He thanks the fans for attending and congratulates them on helping make
Day 1 a huge success. They are expecting
today to be no different. He then leaves
the stage so that the event can begin.
Dash: I think we could have done without that.
J9: Give me a break Dash.
Pyro goes off and
the first match of Day 2 is underway.
The rules for this match will be boot camp. Matches Malone makes his way out first and
gets a decent pop from the fans (for those who don’t know, Matches Malone is
the alias Batman uses when going into the criminal underworld but he doesn’t
exactly have Batman’s physique). He
heads to the ring dressed in street clothes as this will not be so much a
wrestling match but a street fight.
Next, we hear “AH-TEN-SHUUUUN” and out comes Col. Flagg. The fans boo as he makes his way to the
ring. It doesn’t take long for the two
to begin fighting so the bell rings pretty fast. Flagg got in a few shots but this match was
all about Malone exacting revenge on the colonel. Malone kept the offensive flurry going but
he couldn’t seem to keep Flagg down for the 3 count. At the 19th minute, Malone caught
Flagg with a sleeperhold and the let him go.
Flagg fell to the mat. Malone
then hit the ropes jumping and landing with an elbow smash. He made the cover securely hooking the leg
and got the 1-2-3. Matches Malone gets
the win and the fans give him a nice recognition. Malone has his arm raised in victory. He looks at Flagg one last time and then
leaves. Col Flagg had to be helped to
the back. (20 min)
J9: Matches Malone wins the war between him and
Flagg. I think this is one feud that
could be put to rest.
Dash: What?
Wait? It’s over? Darn, I slept through the whole thing. Ha Ha.
J9: Dash, give me a break.
We head backstage
and interviewer Clarkus Kentus is with Davis Hoffmeister and Drew the Canadian
Love Machine. Davis says that the Smashers bit off more
than they can chew attacking him and Drew but tonight, we show them who the
better team is. Drew then adds that the
two of them are the two biggest fan favorites in HCW. After the match with the Smashers, they will
be ready to make a run at the Tag Team Titles.
Davis adds that it doesn’t matter if it’s the Steel Curtain or the
Freedom Fighters…tonight, they officially challenge the winners of tonight’s
contest.
We head back to
the ring for our next match. This one is
Death Match rules between the Huber Clan and the Muscles Trio. Both teams have spent time in the hospital
due to attacks by each other and tonight, this feud comes to an end with one
team winning and the other…well…not.
First, the Muscles Trio come out as their typical jovial selves wearing
their rainbow colored bull horns and handing out mini boxes of ‘Booty O’s’
cereal. They get into the ring and
motion for the Hubers to join them. The
Huber clan comes out next and Butch, Ferb and Junior are all ready for a
fight. They are booed as they make their
way to the ring. Before they can enter,
the Trio bounced off the ropes and went flying through the second rope crashing
into their opponents on the floor. The fans
pop. The bell rings and this one is
underway. The Muscles DOMINATED the
Huber’s and it wasn’t pretty. 2 minutes
in, both Butch and Ferb are taken out of the match entirely after being slammed
on a table with C4 that exploded ending any chance at helping their
brother. At the 3rd minute,
Glass gets brought in and while the Trio triple teamed Junior, McGuire threw
Junior into a pane of glass causing Junior to bleed. Junior managed to suplex Weasley into a pane
of glass cutting him too. Thorpe then
threw Junior into a (makeshift, not totally real) landmine which blew in the
Mountain Man’s face blinding him. Even
disoriented, Junior managed to reverse a hurricanrana from McGuire and hurled
him into the corner following it up with a huge splash. McGuire recovers and hits Junior with a
Boom Drop Jumping Double Leg and went for the pin but Junior powered out. A bloodied up Weasley is tagged in and he
hits Junior with an Honor Roll rolling clothesline. He goes for the pin but Junior kicks out
again. Thorpe is eventually tagged in
and whips Junior head first into a barbed wire board. He goes for the cover only for Junior to kick
out again. Junior grabs Thorpe locking
in a lifting arm triangle choke but Thorpe doesn’t tap and puts Junior through
another pane of glass. Weasley is
tagged in and hits Junior with a double foot stomp and then follows it up with
a Tornado DDT. Weasley makes the cover
and with no family to help, he gets the 1-2-3.
The Muscles Trio get the win much to the delight of the fans. They celebrate briefly in the ring but then
head to the back for medical attention.
3 gurneys come out and load the Hubers on to them and take them to the
hospital. (12 min)
J9: Good Golly Ms. Molly. That had to be the most violent thing I’ve
seen…well, ever.
Dash: Those Hubers are tough hombres. Don’t count them out. They’ll be back.
J9: I don’t know Dash. But we will see.
We head to the back where Larry Morton is with the Anytime/Anywhere Champion the Masked Banana.
MB: All I can say
is BLDM. Banana Lives Don’t Matter. That is why I am striving for grapeness. I
appreciate Korbingo Kongo taking great care of Nannie, but there are millions
of other nannies out there that are just the same as the ones I brought to HCW.
I love them all equally, and that is why none of them matter. I also want to
note that I was excluded from participating from the virtual show because BLDM.
The game didn’t program a banana character because BLDM. I have my suspicions
that the grape equivalent of the illuminati coded the game. They are known as
the Verdicchios, or Verdies as I like to call them. Verdies got me down.
LM: MB, you take on Tommy Lightning tonight for
the title AND you have a Money in the Bank contract that you can cash in at any
time. I think you’re one of the luckiest
guys right now in HCW.
MB: Larry, you’re right. Banana Power will rule
the world…just you wait and see.
The Masked Banana
then leaves.
J9: Give me a break. He’s one of the most popular wrestlers in
HCW.
Dash: Yeah, his yearbook photo says ‘Most likely to
become a bread’. HAHA
Next up on the
card is Davis and Drew taking on the Smashers in a Falls Count Anywhere
match. First, the Smashers (1 & 2)
come out to massive booing from the crowd.
They responds with multiple gestures to the fans which gets them even
more riled up. When the music changes,
the fans pop HUGE for Davis ‘the Hoff’ Hoffmeister and Drew the Canadian Love
Machine. These guys are so over with the
fans it’s insane. They stand on the
stage soaking in the crowd response and then make their way to the ring. The Smashers are ready for action. Smasher #1 takes the mic and says that after
they defeat Drew and Davis, THEY will be challenging for the Tag Team
Titles. He throws down the mic and these
two teams are ready for a fight. The
rules for this one are Falls Count Anywhere so there does not have to be a pin
or submission in the ring. Davis and
Drew started off strong but then the Smashers turned up the heat and really
gave the fan favorites a serious run for their money. Davis got a near submission after locking
Smasher #2 in the Hollywood Clutch but he managed to make it to the ropes. 15 minutes in, Smasher #2 bodyslams Davis but
he is up right away and slugs Smasher #2 before hitting a plancha through a
table. He goes for the pin but Smasher
#1 makes the save. He drags his partner
to his corner and tags himself in.
Smasher #1 picked up Davis and pressed him over his head before hurling
him into the 3rd row. The
fans caught him so it didn’t do much damage but Davis was up and after a kick
to the gut, he hit Smasher #1 with a plancha through another table (that Drew
set up). Davis goes for the pin and
Drew watched his back for any other interference (there was none) and Davis got
the 1-2-3. Drew and Davis get the win
and the fans practically explode with excitement. The ref raises their arms in victory and
Davis and Drew motion to the camera that they are coming for the Tag Team
Titles. (16 min)
J9: And just like that, Drew and Davis get the
win.
Dash: Steal is more like it. They used two tables which are clearly
foreign objects and they should have been disqualified.
J9: Dash, this was a no-DQ match so they couldn’t
have been.
Dash: I’m sure the crooked management is behind
this.
J9: Dash, you better watch yourself. Your mouth is getting ready to overdraft.
Dash sneers at J9.
We head backstage
with the Tag Team Champions the Steel Curtain.
Buzz and Starbuck look happy. Buzz begins “I’ve got to hand it to the
team of Davis and Drew. They took the
Smashers to the edge and walked away with the victory.” Starbuck added “Congrats to you two. I heard you are looking to us next. Buzz and I are always ready for real competition
so let’s see where this goes.” Buzz says
“But now, we have the Freedom Fighters.
Justice and Flash. You guys
jumped us wanting to make a name for yourselves. Tonight, on the grandest stage of them all,
you get your time in the limelight. Just
because you think you’re in our league doesn’t mean you are.” Starbuck chimed in. “Show us what you’ve got. Let’s see if you have what it takes to run
with the big dogs. And we’ve got two
words for ya…S..” Buzz stops him. “Buck, we can’t say that. It’s trademarked. What we can say is”…(both men lean towards
the camera…”Word”. The champs walk off.
It’s time for our
first title match of the night. First, Tommy Lightning comes out to huge
booing from the crowd. He flips them off
and makes his way to the ring. He paces
in the ring waiting for his opponent.
Music plays and we hear:
Peach, Pomegranate, Lime Margarita
Green, orange, purple margarita
Salt, rocks, frozen margarita
Hey Margarita!
The Masked Banana comes out to a surprisingly loud pop from the crowd. He makes a point of acknowledging his fans located in the Banana Boat (his fan club) and then makes his way to the ring. Tommy continues to pace impatiently. The match begins with Tommy hitting a sunset flip trying to go for an early pin but then MB turned up the heat and began to dominate Tommy in the ring. MB really embarrassed Tommy and at the 9 minute mark, he hits Tommy with the Banana Hammock and goes for the pin but Tommy grabs the rope to break the pin. He rolls out of the ring and is doing something under the ring apron. MB leans over only for Tommy to throw something in his face blinding him. He desperately tries to clear his eyes but Tommy slides back in and hits the ropes hitting MB with a flying dropkick. Tommy makes the cover hooking the tights AND has his feet on the ropes and gets the 1-2-3. Tommy Lightning has just defeated the Masked Banana to become the NEW Anytime/Anywhere Champion. MB rolls out of the ring still trying to clear his eyes.
Dash: Ha Ha, that yellow freak lost. What a maroon!
J9: Dash, it was clear that Tommy Lightning
cheated. He threw something into his
face.
Dash: I didn’t see anything. Hey…What’s this…?
Just then, the
music changed and the fans pop huge as Phat Sol comes out. He rushes down to the ring and checks on the
Masked Banana. He tries to tell the ref
that Tommy cheated but Tommy claims innocence.
Phat asks MB if he can have a shot at Tommy and MB says yes as he is
helped to the back to clear his eyes.
Phat challenges Tommy for the belt right now and it looks like we have
ourselves another match.
Tommy vs Phat Sol
for the Anytime/Anywhere title. Tommy
tried to hold his own against the Phat Man but it was no use. Phat was a man on a mission to avenge MB’s
loss. Phat didn’t try for a pin until
the 11 minute mark after he hit the Phat’s Enough. He went for the pin but Tommy managed to kick
out. Tommy hit a monkey flip and then
exited the ring. He went to the same
place where he got the foreign substance from.
He went to throw it in Phat’s face but Phat blew it back into Tommy’s
blinding him.
Dash: CHEATER….CHEATER….
J9: I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t see anything.
Phat drags Tommy
back into the ring and connects with a vertical suplex. He then rolls Tommy up and gets the
1-2-3. Phat Sol has just become the NEW
Anytime/Anywhere Champion!
Dash: What a miscarriage of justice. Lightning was robbed.
J9: You were right about one thing…Lightning did
strike but it was Phat Sol who did the striking.
Dash: Harrumph!
We head backstage
and we’re with the NEW Hardcore Champion TNT and his tag team partner Scooter
J. SJ congratulates TNT on winning the
belt and says that they worked together to get the belt off of Dr. Red
Fang. TNT says that having Scooter J at
his side has been amazing and that this is only the first step for them as a
team. TNT turns to leave and SJ acts
like he’s going to attack him but then doesn’t.
Then he does. He beats TNT down
and throws him into some boxes. A bunch
of backstage workers rush over and prevent SJ from doing any more damage. Scooter J storms off.
J9: Scooter J is
such a sore loser.
Dash: Nope, he’s a man that knows what he wants and
TNT is in his way.
We head back to the ring for our next title match. First, the Freedom Fighters come out to booing from the crowd. They head down to the ring and wait. The music changes and the fans pop HUGE as out comes the World Tag Team Champions the Steel Curtain. They make their way to the ring and enter. Each man climbs a corner turnbuckle holding the belts high all the while keeping an eye out on their opponents. They step down and hand the titles to the ref. The bell rings and this one is underway. For the first 7 minutes, the Freedom Fighters went toe to toe with the champions but then the experience of the Steel Curtain took over and they dominated the match. We join the match at the 25 minute mark.
=====
In the 25th minute of the match: =====
Starbuck
Steel rolled OC.
Freedom
Fighter Flash rolled DC
Starbuck
Steel executes a OUT OF THIS WORLD DROPKICK....
Freedom
Fighter Flash absorbs the punishment.
Starbuck
Steel is attempting a pin!!!
1...
Freedom
Fighter Flash kicks out of the pin!
=====
In the 26th minute of the match: =====
Starbuck
Steel rolled DC
Freedom
Fighter Flash rolled DC
Both Men in
rolled DC
Starbuck
Steel rolled OC/TT
Freedom
Fighter Flash rolled DC
Buzz Steel, Starbuck Steel double teaming for 2 rounds.
Buzz Steel
is a offensive (OC) double teamer.
Buzz Steel
executes a FLYING KNEE SMASH....
Starbuck
Steel is a offensive (OC) double teamer.
Starbuck
Steel executes a OUT OF THIS WORLD DROPKICK....
Freedom
Fighter Flash absorbs the punishment.
Buzz Steel,
Starbuck Steel are double teaming for 1 more rounds.
=====
In the 27th minute of the match: =====
Buzz Steel
rolled OC.
Starbuck
Steel rolled DC
Freedom
Fighter Flash rolled OC.
Buzz Steel
is a offensive (OC) double teamer.
Buzz Steel
executes a SUPERMAN PUNCH....
Starbuck
Steel is a defensive (DC) double teamer.
Starbuck
Steel does nothing for the round.
Freedom
Fighter Flash executes a Headbutt to Chest....
Double
teaming ends.
=====
In the 28th minute of the match: =====
Starbuck
Steel rolled DC
Freedom
Fighter Flash rolled DC
Both Men in
rolled DC
Starbuck
Steel rolled OC.
Freedom
Fighter Flash rolled OC.
Starbuck
Steel executes a THE BUCKINATOR....
Freedom
Fighter Flash executes a Running Headscissors....
=====
In the 29th minute of the match: =====
Starbuck
Steel rolled DC
Freedom
Fighter Flash rolled DC
Both Men in
rolled DC
Starbuck
Steel rolled OC/TT
Freedom
Fighter Flash rolled DC
Buzz
Steel, Starbuck Steel double teaming for
2 rounds.
Buzz Steel
is a offensive (OC) double teamer.
Buzz Steel
executes a THE BUZZER....
Starbuck
Steel is a offensive (OC) double teamer.
Starbuck
Steel executes a SMALL PACKAGE HOOKING TIGHTS....
Freedom
Fighter Flash attempts to defend against Double Teaming. but is unsuccessful.
Buzz Steel,
Starbuck Steel are double teaming for 1 more rounds.
=====
In the 30th minute of the match: =====
Buzz Steel
rolled OC/TT
Starbuck
Steel rolled DC
Freedom
Fighter Flash rolled OC.
Buzz Steel
is a offensive (OC) double teamer.
Buzz Steel
executes a FLYING KNEE SMASH....
Starbuck
Steel is a defensive (DC) double teamer.
Starbuck
Steel does nothing for the round.
Freedom
Fighter Flash executes a Tiger Driver....
After
30 minutes, the match is declared a draw.
After a hard
fought battle, this one ends in a draw.
The Steel Curtain totally dominated the challengers but were unable to
put them away in the end. The Freedom
Fighters leave with a measure of satisfaction knowing they took the champs to
the limit. The next time, it may be
different. Buzz and Starbuck celebrated
in the ring and with the fans before making their way to the back.
J9: Don’t count on it Dash. You saw how badly they were getting whupped
in the end.
Dash: I stand by my comments.
J9: Well, you’re the only one.
We head backstage
for a promo from the Ladies Champion Catalina Harper: “Being such a connoisseur of fine music, I
like to hum. Some people find that
irritating. Tough cat biscuits. Little Valkyrie, I’m going to pluck those
wings right off you and show you and these ungrateful little turds you don’t
mess with the BIG CAT. You’ll go to Valhalla
on a stretcher.” She begins to hum ‘the
Flight of the Valkyries’ (badly) and then turns to the camera and says “What?”
It’s time for our
Main Event. “Rise of the Valkyries”
begins to play and pyro and fog go off on stage. Next, we see Violet Valkyrie zipping through
on her zip line and makes it to the ring.
Violet is wearing a costume with metallic wings wearing Viking braids
and a face painted for war. She is then
lowered to the ring. She unhooks herself
and then asks for a microphone.
“CATALINA, WELCOME
TO TACOMA.” The fans pop huge for
her. She waits for a break. “You are in my town now and let me tell you
how it goes here: In Tacoma we are LOUD.” She takes a break again as the fans explode
with applause. “We take what we want and
take no SH!T. AND I WANT TO BE CHAMPION. I will wear a crown with these wings,
and you will bow down. I don’t even want to hear you hummm a sad little meow
while I drag you past Valhalla.”
The music changes
and out comes the Ladies Champion Catalina Harper. The fans boo her but she doesn’t seem to
care. She makes her way to the ring and
motions for Violet to back off so she can enter the ring. Violet steps back to allow her entry. Catalina walks past her and climbs the
turnbuckle holding the title high as the fans continue to boo. She hops down and hands the title to the
ref. Just then, we hear the sounds of
thunder and lightning strikes and Catalina has a full spaz moment (like a cat
in a thunderstorm). Violet smiles as she
knows she got under the champ’s skin.
The bell rings and this one begins.
For the first 15 minutes of the match, Violet dominated the champion even
getting a few near falls. Catalina began
her comeback hitting the Cat’s Meow for a 2 count. Right about the 20 minute mark, someone
dressed in all black snuck in from the crowd.
She (?) crouched down by the ring so no one could see her (?). Violet hit Catalina with the Exploder Suplex
and made the cover. The ref began to
count 1…2…and suddenly the person in all black grabbed Violet’s foot pulling
her off Catalina and out to the floor.
She began hammering Violet with clubbing shots and then threw her hard
into the steel steps. The fans and the
referee had no idea what was happening.
After bouncing Violet’s head on the ring apron twice, she shoved her
back into the ring and then took back off in the crowd. Catalina was stunned but immediately took
advantage of the situation.
=====
In the 21st minute of the match: =====
Catalina
Harper (f) rolled OC.
Violet
Valkyrie (f) rolled DC
Catalina
Harper (f) executes a JAW JACKER....
Violet
Valkyrie (f) attempts to defend against JAW JACKER but is unsuccessful.
1...
Violet
Valkyrie (f) kicks out of the pin!
=====
In the 22nd minute of the match: =====
Catalina
Harper (f) rolled OC.
Violet
Valkyrie (f) rolled DC
Catalina
Harper (f) executes a THE CAT'S MEOW....
Violet
Valkyrie (f) absorbs the punishment.
Catalina
Harper (f) is attempting a pin!!!
1...
Violet
Valkyrie (f) kicks out of the pin!
=====
In the 23rd minute of the match: =====
Catalina
Harper (f) rolled OC.
Violet
Valkyrie (f) rolled DC
Catalina
Harper (f) executes a THE CAT'S MEOW....
Violet
Valkyrie (f) attempts to defend against THE CAT'S MEOW but is unsuccessful.
Catalina
Harper (f) is attempting a pin!!!
1...
Violet
Valkyrie (f) kicks out of the pin!
=====
In the 24th minute of the match: =====
Catalina
Harper (f) rolled OC.
Violet
Valkyrie (f) rolled DC
Catalina
Harper (f) executes a PURR-FECT STORM....
Violet
Valkyrie (f) absorbs the punishment.
Catalina
Harper (f) is attempting a pin!!!
1...2...3
Violet
Valkyrie (f) was pinned by Catalina Harper (f)!!!
Catalina
Harper (f) wins with a PURR-FECT STORM over Violet Valkyrie (f)!!!
Catalina Harper is
victorious and takes the title (forcibly) from the ref. Catalina looks on with concern briefly then
begins to laugh. She holds her title
high as the fans boo but she doesn’t care.
The show comes to an end with Catalina standing tall in the center of
the ring.
Dash: I guess Violet wasn’t able to back up her big
mouth.
J9: Dash, sometimes I really wonder about
you. She was clearly attacked by some
mystery person.
Dash: I think you’re dreaming.
J9: Dash, SHUT UP!
Dash: Well I never…
J9: That is all we have. We will see you here tomorrow. Thank you and goodnight.
That is the end of
Day 2. Day 3 is up next. Stay tuned.
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