Hello fans and
welcome to another installment of the HCW wrestling newsletter. Pyro goes off and the cameras zip across the
audience as they pop louder and louder.
We then cut to the commentary desk with J9 and Dash “Smooooooooth”
Woodbrick.
J9: Dash, we are once again LIVE in front of a
sold out audience. The fans are ecstatic
that we are back!”
Dash: You know, it was nice not having these morons
here.
J9: Give me a
break Dash. Tonight, we have a battle
royal for both the Men’s and Ladies’ teams and the winners of each will be
given a title shot in the future. I’m
reading that the World Champion and King
the Wicked Prophet will be excluded from this event.
Dash: What a miscarriage of justice. The Champ and King can go and do whatever he
wants. This is BULL****!
J9: Dash, watch your mouth. There are little kids watching.
Dash: Kids smids….if they can’t handle it, tell
them to grow up.
J9: Dash, you’re unbelievable.
Dash: I gotta be me.
Our first event is
the Ladies Battle Royal. All of them
including Catalina Harper make their way out.
Right off the bat, they tried to eliminate Catalina but the first
attempt was unsuccessful. Catalina threw
Betsy Cummings over the top rope to save herself only to be eliminated by
Betsy’s twin Felicia. The rest of the
eliminations happened quickly and just like that, we were down to the final
three – Hayley Hailstone, Sassy Maxine DeVito and Korbi Kong. Hayley tried to make a deal with Maxine to
eliminate Korbi but Maxine turned on Hayley and eliminated her right away. Korbi then got involved and tried to
eliminate Maxine who went over the top rope but landed on the apron saving
herself from elimination. Maxine locked
in a guillotine choke but Korbi escaped and locked in an arm triangle choke. Maxine made it to the ropes before she could
tap out. Korbi set Maxine up in the corner and then rushed to the other side of
the ring before returning at high speed going for a spear. Maxine moved and Korbi hit the steel
post. Maxine pulled her back in and
immediately locked in a dragon sleeper.
Korbi struggled but ended up going to sleep. Maxine then hurled the sleeping Korbi over
the top rope to the floor. ‘Sassy’
Maxine DeVito gets the win and with this win, she gets a money in the bank
contract that she can use at any time to cash in against the Ladies Champion. The fans boo her but she doesn’t care. She begins to leave but then Korbi is back in
the ring and starts pummeling Maxine.
She locks Maxine in an Arm Triangle Choke and Maxine is tapping out but
this isn’t a match. Korbi refuses to let
go unless Maxine agrees to put her contract on the line at the PPV. To avoid further damage, Maxine reluctantly
agrees. Korbi lets her go but then picks
Maxine up again and hits a running powerslam that she called the Korbi Kong
Smash. Korbi smirks and leaves. The fans are solidly behind Korbi. Maxine makes her way to the back afterwards.
J9: Korbi showed the world who’s ‘the Boss’
Dash: What she did was cheat. And the fans love her for it. What a bunch of bigots.
Backstage, GM Max
McGillicutty and Master Bull are putting the final touches on the PPV. The Anytime/Anywhere Champion the Masked
Banana rushes in and closes the door behind him. The GM’s look at MB and he looks back. Max then says “Oh, I forgot. Effective immediately, the 24/7 rule for defending
the Anytime/Anywhere title is suspended.
That means, between now and the PPV, you’re safe.” Masked Banana comes over and shakes both
their hands and then leaves with his head held high.
Taylor Bella comes
out and stands in the ring. She says
that Hayley wants her gone but she won’t bring it to the ring. Taylor says that Hayley is afraid of
her. Just then, Hayley Hailstorm and the
Cummings twins come out. The three
ladies surround the ring and each starts to enter. Taylor tries to fight them off but 3 on 1 are
not good odds. Just then, HOLY COW…the
Bella Twins – Nikki and Brea – come out and the fans pop huge. They rush down to save their sister and end
up dispatching Hayley, Betsy and Felicia from the ring. Taylor issues Hayley a challenge. “At the PPV, you and the phony twins against
me and my sisters…what do you think?”
Hayley liked the idea. She is
interrupted by GM Master Bull. Bull gets
on the mic and says that the Bella Twins are not members of HCW so technically,
they are not allowed to wrestle. The
fans boo. Bull continues “But…if you are
willing to sign a one night only contract, the match is on.” The Bella immediately agreed and we have
another match locked in for the PPV.
Hayley and the Cummings twins left and Taylor and her sisters interacted
with the fans before leaving.
A vignette then
airs of the flannel wearing lumberjack Jack Lumber of him getting ready for his
match with the Banker. It shows Jack
doing different things…he’s flipping tractor tires; he’s trudging through snow
banks; he’s in a barn and he’s doing pull ups (think Rocky training from Rocky
IV). After a minute, it ends with Jack
slamming his axe into some firewood. He
turns to the camera and says “Choppin’ Wood and Lookin’ Good”. He drops the Axe and smiles.
It’s time for the
Men’s Battle Royal. Again, it is decided
that the World Champion the Wicked Prophet is not allowed to participate
(something Dash Woodbrick feels strongly against).
Right off the bat,
and with the help from Smasher #1, the Six Man tag team champs (Superquake
Ferguson, Maximillian Redbeard and Killa Pops) were eliminated by the 5th
Column. After the elimination, Pops
issued a challenge to the 5th Column where they would put the title
on the line. The Column agreed. But then they too got eliminated. Next, Texas Wildfire managed to eliminate
‘the Bounty Hunter’ Jake Montrose but then Montrose helps Leiton Snake
eliminate Wildfire moments later.
Wildfire challenged Montrose to a match at the PPV and the two brawled
all the way to the back. Regulator Mule
eliminated Jack Lawson with an assist from Madman Mason. A few minutes later, Mason is eliminated by
Matches Malone and he was NOT happy.
Shortly after that, Apollo Gyze eliminated Rad Gumbo. Apollo said he was not apologizing. Apollo went on to eliminate Buzz Steel before
watching his aspirations come to an end after ‘the Hoff’ eliminated him. Wilber Townsend eliminated Phat Sol. When the dust settled, it came down to two
former tag team partners – Jack Lumber and the Masked Banana. Just before the two of them could square off,
out comes the Wicked Prophet. Prophet
says he doesn’t care what the GM’s say, he is inserting himself into this NOW. Instead of turning on each other, they set
their sights on the World Champion. The
Masked Banana took first crack but slipped (on what could have been a banana
peel) and Prophet eliminated him. Now,
it’s down to Jack Lumber and the Wicked Prophet. After three minutes, Prophet hits Jack with
the Exile and sends him over the top rope to the floor. The bell rings and it looks like the Wicked
Prophet has a SECOND MITB contract. This
brought out GM Master Bull. Bull said
that Prophet inserted himself into a match he had no business in. If Prophet wants to be in a match so bad,
Bull says that he is making a triple threat match between Prophet, Lumber and
the Masked Banana and the contract will be in the balance. If Prophet wins, he retains the contract but
if Lumber or Banana get the win, the contract goes to them. And just so this can’t end on a DQ or time
limit draw, the match is set with ECW rules.
This one really
was between Lumber and Prophet as the Masked Banana didn’t get much in-ring
time. The two battled all over the ring
and even took the action to the outside.
Finally, after spending over 10 minutes without being able to contribute
much, the Masked Banana got involved and surprises everyone with his level of
offense. We join the match at the 11
minute mark.
=====
In the 11th minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled OC.
The Masked
Banana rolled OC.
The Wicked
Prophet executes a UNRIGHTEOUS DOMINION....
The Masked
Banana executes a PEANUT BUTTER & BANANA SANDWICH....
The
Wicked Prophet is attempting a pin!!!
1...2...
The
Masked Banana kicks out of the pin!
=====
In the 12th minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled DC
Jack Lumber
rolled OC.
Jack
Lumber executes a ATOMIC DROP....
The Wicked
Prophet attempts to defend against ATOMIC DROP but is unsuccessful.
=====
In the 13th minute of the match: =====
The Masked
Banana rolled OC.
Jack Lumber
rolled OC.
The Masked
Banana executes a SUDDENLY BANANAS....
Jack
Lumber executes a STIFF UPPERCUT....
=====
In the 14th minute of the match: =====
The Masked
Banana rolled DC
The Wicked
Prophet rolled DC
Both Men in
rolled DC
The Masked
Banana rolled OC.
The Wicked
Prophet rolled OC.
The Masked
Banana executes a PEANUT BUTTER & BANANA SANDWICH....
The Wicked
Prophet executes a BAPHOMET BRUISER....
=====
In the 15th minute of the match: =====
The Masked
Banana rolled DC
Jack Lumber
rolled OC.
Jack
Lumber executes a KNEE LIFT....
The Masked
Banana neutralizes KNEE LIFT.
=====
In the 16th minute of the match: =====
The Masked
Banana rolled OC.
The Wicked
Prophet rolled DC
The Masked
Banana attempts to execute a SMASH EMPTY CHAIR OVER HEAD - DRAW BLOOD....
The Wicked
Prophet neutralizes SMASH EMPTY CHAIR OVER HEAD - DRAW BLOOD.
=====
In the 17th minute of the match: =====
The Masked
Banana rolled DC
Jack Lumber
rolled DC
Both Men in
rolled DC
The Masked
Banana rolled DC
Jack Lumber
rolled OC.
Jack
Lumber executes a TIMMMMMBEEERRRRR....
The Masked
Banana attempts to defend against TIMMMMMBEEERRRRR but is unsuccessful.
=====
In the 18th minute of the match: =====
The Masked
Banana rolled OC.
The Wicked
Prophet rolled DC
The Masked
Banana executes a YELLOW FEVER....
The Wicked
Prophet attempts to defend against YELLOW FEVER but is unsuccessful.
=====
In the 19th minute of the match: =====
The Masked
Banana rolled DC
The Wicked
Prophet rolled OC.
The Wicked
Prophet executes a FIRE - WALK WITH ME....
The Masked
Banana reverses FIRE - WALK WITH ME!
The Masked
Banana executes a BANANA HAMMOCK....
The Wicked
Prophet attempts to defend against BANANA HAMMOCK but is unsuccessful.
The
Masked Banana is attempting a pin!!!
1...2...3
The
Wicked Prophet was pinned by The Masked Banana!!!
The
Masked Banana wins with a BANANA HAMMOCK over The Wicked Prophet!!!
J9 is on her
feet. “Can you believe it? The Masked Banana just won the match to win
the Money in the Bank briefcase. He now
has a contract that will allow him to cash in against any title at any time.”
Dash is shaking
his head. “No, no, no! That big yellow freak cheated! What a miscarriage of justice. Master Bull had no right making this match
and putting the Champ in such a precarious position. I’m starting a petition to get him
fired! This will not stand.”
J9 says “Ah Dash
but it will and with that, our show comes to an end.” Dash is in the background still yelling “NO,
NO, NO”.
Thanks for
reading. The fanfest and the Hall of
Fame ceremony are next followed by our 3 day PPV extravaganza – Critical
Mass. Stay Tuned.
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