Hello
fans and welcome back to our newsletter.
Today’s episode takes place, not in the ring or backstage but in the
office of CSWA & HWF owners Mr. Bychowski & Mr. Meyers earlier in the
day. The lawyers for Unilever, the
owners of the brand “Ben & Jerry” sent in a video requesting a cease and
desist of using their copyrighted names.
They state that whomever wants to sign an agreement with them would be
allowed to utilize the rights but only if they sign the agreement.
A
few hours later, GM Max McGillicutty meets with the “King of Cones” Magnum Kone
and informs him that the individuals names of his “team” (aka cronies) needs to
be changed. Magnum, not one to exactly
tow the line (after his attitude change) agrees and now calls them Jen and
Barry. Magnum takes their shirts and
draws a big line through their names and then handwrites their new names. “Satisfied?” Magnum asks. Max says it is acceptable. Magnum grabs his things and leaves.
Max
makes his way out to start the show. Max
says that the fans can still vote on who’s show they thought was the best. He says thousands of fans have voted already
and more are rolling in. He says that
both CJ and the Stache will have one final pitch on why their show was the best
and voting will commence on Tuesday and all results will be tallied and
announced in Friday’s edition.
We
cut to a vignette from the HASHTAG himself:
CJ. “Wow ......WOW what an
amazing night action packed as promised, max, i think THE HASHTAG deserves his
own ppv!!?????!!! But enough of patting myself on my own back... cones,
ben...jerry or should i say soft served rooty tooty fresh and fruity...you 3
imitation dairy products got alot of nerve.....you think you can come on the
hashtag show and run a muck??!!! No no no no such luck!!! You see the hashtag
is not amused by your antics, just like those other 3 clowns the
desperatasshole, you think you guys are all tough...coming down 2 on 1, 3 on 1,
you know ive had just about enough of you cowards....the hashtag is about to
even the score 1 by 1 night by night but be forewarned that CJ is coming for
each and everyone of you maroons, when you least expect, when nobody is
around.....so you better sleep with 1 eye open, or cuddle up with each other
each and everynight...mark my words CJ will get pay backs!!!!” CJ out drops the
mic and exits the picture.
It’s
time to get this show off the ground and we start with two of our female
performers. Beautiful People member and
former Women’s Champion Angelina Love takes on ½ of the Bella Twins Nikki. Nikki was doing well until Velvet Sky slid
out from under the ring and smashed Nikki’s head repeatedly into the
floor. Nikki barely made it back into
the ring but she was never the same. The
former Women’s champ took her time with the beatdown and then finally pinned
her after hitting a top rope cross body block.
(18 min). After the match, Velvet
came out from under the ring but Brea ran down and saved her sister from any
more damage.
The
Stache is in the back and cuts his own promo.
“You know, I don’t need to flap my gums like CJ does. That chump is so full of hot air it’s a
wonder he hasn’t floated away. My card
speaks for itself. I don’t need to lobby
for how well I ran the show. Everyone
knows I did a much better job and with the exception of CJ screwing up the
card, only a PPV could have been any better.
In the end, I will be the one who not only becomes the Hardcore champ
but I will be the one getting my own PPV.
CJ can just suck it.” The camera
goes dark.
It’s
time for our next match with has more of our fantastic female athletes bringing
the action to the ring. This match has
Sasha Banks taking on the Southern Belle.
Belle took the lead early on but as the match progressed, Sasha took
over and after a grueling 22 minute battle, Sasha hits a Bankrupt Neckbreaker
Slam and rolls Belle up for the 1-2-3.
After the match, Belle looked like she was going to go all Hulk on Sasha
but the two ended up shaking hands in a sign of mutual respect. (22 min)
‘Luke
Warm’ Lucas Johnston comes out and says that these days, he’s being used to put
over the bigger names without even giving him a chance to succeed. So because of that, he’s bringing back an old
slogan that underutilized talent, such as himself, started in a movement that
became all the rage. He removes his
jacket and it says “Pin Me…Pay Me.”
Lucas tells whomever in the back to just send out his next opponent so
he can collect his paycheck and go home.
He doesn’t wait for long until Attitude Adjustment member Adam Rose
makes his way out. Rose says that
Johnston (to steal another fed’s catchphrase) will become just another
victim. Johnston holds his own but Rose
started to turn up the heat. Lucas
realized that pins and submissions don’t mean crap. He slid out of the ring and grabbed a chair
and without even blinking an eye, bashed Adam with it. The ref disqualified him and Rose dropped the
chair and just walked out. Rose wins this one on a DQ. It took a minute to be revived but he did
leave under his own power. (14 ½ min)
Max
is in the back and says that tonight’s main event will star…tag teams. In fact, 3 teams will fight to see who will
go on to the PPV to take on the champs the Steel Curtain. The Desperados walk in and dispute this since
the Stache already announced they were taking on the champs. Max says that the Stache overstepped his
bounds and did not have the authority to make such a match. Max tells them that they will be facing both
the Band (Dirk Devon and the Axe) and the Canadians (the Savior and Drew the
Love Machine). The Desperados storm off.
Another
video is shown with lawyers from Unilever shaking hands with someone (off
camera) and say that he is now legally allowed to sign co-branded
merchandise. The camera turns and
it’s…CJ. He sits at a table in front of
hundreds of people (some holding signs that show the word Kone in a circle with
a line drawn diagonally through it and another that read “CJ is the real Ice
Cream Champ!” CJ stayed there and signed
for hours. He got free ice cream
too. CJ then turned and whispered to the
camera “Suck on that, Kone.”
The
Ascension (Konnor and Viktor) make their way out to the ring and once again start
bashing teams who have paved the way for their success. They say it’s a travesty that they are not
the one fighting for the tag team titles and says that there is no team in the
HWF or CSWA that can hold a candle to them.
Music hits and out come the Dudley Boys.
Devon and Bubba make their way to the ring. Bubba takes a mic. “Really, you two clowns think that you are
the SH*T when it comes to tag teams? Me
and Devon and been doing this sh*t for YEARS before you two were even out of
diapers. We can run with the best of
them. You two joke about all the teams
who have come before…the Andersons, the Horsemen, the Road Warriors…all
fantastic teams and you belittle with your ignorance. You two want to take a on a team who’s not
retired or in an old folks home (no disrespect intended), we’re here.” Devon takes the mic and gets into Konnor’s
face and yells “TESTIFY”. The Dudleys
stare at the Ascension as Konnor and Viktor back away but then charge the
Dudleys and beat them down. The Dudley’s
fight back and Devon takes Viktor down with a powerslam and Bubba hits the
Bubba Bomb on Konnor. The Ascension
slide out of the ring and back up cautiously all the while cursing at the
Dudleys.
Max
was sitting in his office and sees this go down. “If you’re going to take the big dog’s bone,
you better be prepared to fight to keep it.”
He writes the names of the Ascension and Dudleys on a piece of paper.
It is time for our main event. First, out comes the Band – Dirk ‘the Pick’
Devon and the Axe. Next out are the
Desperados – El Chango and Leon Teremoto.
Finally, the Canadians – the Savior and Drew, the Love Machine come out
to the largest pop of the night. I guess
the ladies realllly love Drew. This was
set up as multiple fall eliminations.
The Axe was eliminated by Drew the
Canadian Love Machine
The Savior was eliminated by Leon Teremoto
Dirk "The Pick" Devon was
eliminated by El Chango after the Stache caused a distraction.
Drew the Canadian Love Machine was
eliminated by Leon Teremoto after the Axe
came back down and hit Drew with a chair.
The Desperados hold on to their spot and will go on to meet the Steel
Curtain at Starcade. (30 min).
Just before the show could end, Max comes
back out and announces all the matches that will take place at the Starcade 3
day spectacular PPV.
In no particular order, the matches
expected to take place (not all are finalized but most are) will include:
US
title match – Miz vs Phat Sol
Mens
Money in the Bank match
Ryback
vs Alexander Rusev in a Russian Chain match
Hardcore
title match: Magnum Kone vs Stache vs CJ
Women’s
money in the bank
IC
title match: Sonic Blade vs Bobby Roode
X-Division
title match: Tyler Breeze vs Sting
North
American title: Jay Lethal vs Kevin
Owens
Tag
team titles: Steel Curtain vs the Desperados (El Chango & Leon Teremoto)
HWF,CSWA World and Undisputed title
match: Bray Wyatt vs Brock Lesnar vs
Samoa Joe with the winner getting all 3
titles
There
are 4 matches waiting on final confirmation and a few surprises too.
Stay
Tuned, tempers are flaring and it’s getting serious.
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