HCW Wrestling Newsletter 2019 #798 – Tacoma Thunder (09/29)

Hello fans and welcome back to another installment of HCW’s Tacoma thunder.  Our supershow representing our 800^th published episode will be one for the record books.  That show and the PPV that follows at the end of October – House of Horrors - are expected to blow the roof off. 

Today’s show begins back in the office of GM Max McGillicutty.  Max is with the newest edition to his roster the Masked Banana.  He begins “You know, there is a guy on the roster – Ice Dagger – and he has that awful music ‘Ice Dagger Baby’ and we need something better.  I have a couple of options and for best song and I would like to use one of them as my music.”  Max asks to hear it.  “You got it” the Masked Banana says.

(To the music of the Batman TV series from the 60’s)

Nana nana nana na,  nana nana nana na…BANANA!

Nana nana nana na,  nana nana nana na…BANANA!

Nana nana nana na,  nana nana nana na…BANANA…BANANA…BANANA!

Max shakes his head.  “No”

“Ok,” MB says.  “How about this one?”

A drink of choice should be a fun one

And the boys they say pour me another

They all want one, they all have fun

So they all come over and drink one

Drink with me, sing with me

And if you’re good, I’ll by you another



Peach, Pomegranate, Lime Margarita

Green, orange, purple margarita

Salt, rocks, frozen margarita

Hey Margarita!

Max chuckles as he hears the fans pop.  “I think you’ve got a winner.  The fans sure seem to think so.”  The Masked Banana jumps up and says that Max won’t regret it and he’ll start using it right away.  He rushes out the door.

Our first match kicks things off in this non-title match.  First, the Big Cocoon comes out to a mixed reaction from the crowd.  He gets in the ring and awaits his opponent who is much more hated then he is.  We then hear the loudspeakers blare out “VAMPIRE LUNGES FOR EVERYBODY” and out comes the Hardcore Champion Dr. Red Fang and his manager the Ambassador.  The two make their way down to the ring amid the booing from the crowd.  Fang gets right in the ring and stands in front of Cocoon.  Cocoon dwarfs Fang and as soon as the bell rings, all hell breaks loose.  Cocoon got in a few shots early on but the constant interference from the Ambassador gave control of the pace and tempo to Fang.  Fang tried to hit Cocoon with everything in his arsenal but Cocoon wouldn’t stay down.  When we entered the final minute of the match, Cocoon was blatantly choking Fang out but then the evil vampire hit Cocoon with the Vampire Lunge but there was no time to go for a pin as the bell rang bringing this one to a draw finish. Fang leaves with the Ambassador first.  Just as the Big Cocoon was getting ready to leave, Killa Pops rushed in with a steel chair and hit Cocoon in the leg bringing the big man down to one knee.  Pops then held the chair high and looked to the fans who chanted “hit him” but Killa dropped the chair.  He got a mic and told Cocoon that he could have taken him out right here and now but he is saving it for the supershow where one of them will be leaving HCW for good.  Killa shows some mercy and leaves as the fans pop for him for (eventually) taking the high road.

Catalina Harper is backstage and walks by a table that has a bunch of chicken sandwiches on it.  She takes one and is immediately told (by a punk kid) that she is not allowed to have one.  She holds it up high and drops the sandwich.  When the guy rushed over to grab it before it hit the floor, Catalina turned grabbing the table and dumped all the contents on the table to the floor.  She smirked and walked off.  The punk kid was standing there holding one sandwich.  Oh boy, someone is going to be in trouble.

We head back to the ring for our next match.  Lavender Gooms makes her way out first to a mixed reaction from the crowd.  Next, Tempest Fortune makes her way out and the fans pop huge for her.  She interacts with the crowd as she makes her way down and into the ring.  Tempest owned the entire match even preventing Lavender from getting in one offense shot in the first 7 minutes of the match.  By then, there was no doubt who would be getting the win.  Tempest kept the pace up for an incredible 16 minutes and at that point, locked in an ankle lock but instead of going for the submission win, she turned it into a pin attempt and got the 1-2-3.  Tempest gets the win and since it was won in such dominating fashion, Lavender loses her spot in the top 10 and Tempest is back in.  (16 min)

In a backstage segment, we hear from the US Champion the Wicked Prophet: “I have some words for both of the GM of HCW – No more matches with fools! Pit me against a worthy opponent so my righteous flock can share glory once again…and stop calling me Wicket Prophet!”

Next up, we have a challenge issued for a spot in the top 10 lineup for the Hardcore title.  First, Nix Anderson, the challenger comes out strumming his ukulele.  He gets a mixed reaction from the crowd.  Once in the ring, his music is abruptly shut off and out comes 5^th Column member Karl Braun.  Braun is booed as he makes his way down and into the ring.  Karl goes for the attack upon entering the ring but fails miserably as Nix takes him to school and dominates the match effectively ending it with a swinging neckbreaker.  Nix gets the win and moves up in the rankings.  He is that much closer to Fang and the Hardcore title.  (9 min)

Backstage, TNT is with the Tag Team Champions Superquake Ferguson and Maximillian Redbeard.  Tonight, they are challenging for the 6 Man titles held by Wilber Townsend and his Zombie recruits (Anthony Boom and Leon Teremoto).  TNT says that Wilber has been riding high on a wave of fear.  He and his teammates tonight do not fear them and will be taking those titles tonight.

The next match is ready to begin when the music play:

Peach, Pomegranate, Lime Margarita

Green, orange, purple margarita

    Salt, rocks, frozen margarita

    Hey Margarita!

The fans join in yelling “Hey Margarita” at the appropriate time.  The Masked Banana comes out to a nice pop from the crowd.  He interacts with the fans and makes his way into the ring asking for a mic.  “Whoooooey! What a bananas night it’s been so far! It’s just great to be here. The fans are incredible!  Hop into the banana boat, ya’ll!  What’s up with Maxine?  She’s great!  I was trying to introduce myself and she had some attitude – what a pro!  Hey, watch out for that peel!” 

He is cut off when the Axe makes his way out stomping his way down to the ring.  The fans boo the cr@p out of him and he seems a little annoyed…not by the fans but by the group of fans wearing plaid sitting in the ‘Lumber Lounge’ with its founder Jack Lumber.  Axe sneered at him and continued on his way to the ring.  Axe went on the offense right off the bat but with each passing moment, the Masked Banana gained traction.  By 11 minutes in, the Masked Banana had taken control of the match.  At roughly the 18 minute mark, Jack made his way down towards the ring causing a distraction.  The Masked Banana capitalized on it and hit the Suddenly Bananas.  MB immediately went for the pin and with a solid hook of the leg, he got the 3 count.  The Masked Banana gets the win.  Axe is up pretty quick and grabs MB hurling him out of the ring to the hard floor.  Axe beckons for Lumber to get into the ring and Jack obliges.  The two trade blows until about 10 people from the back rushed out to break things up.  It is apparent that nothing is settled between these two.  Axe leaves first yelling that he is accepting Jack’s challenge at the Supershow.  Jack eventually leaves and heads back to the Lumber Lounge.

Tommy Lightning makes his way out and demands a mic.  He says that all of the champions in HCW are cowards for refusing to face him.  He says the biggest coward of them all is the Anytime/Anywhere Champion ‘Sassy’ Maxine DeVito.  Tommy says that she is a dirty player but he can go toe to toe with the best of them.  Since the AA title can be defended at any time, he is calling Maxine out now, not for some cheap backstage segment but a match in the ring.  Maxine comes out to a mixed reaction from the crowd with Catalina following.  The duo make their way to the ring and Maxine says she accepts the challenge.  The match begins with Tommy mocking Catalina from the outside.  This of course would catch up to him when on the outside, Catalina introduced Tommy into the steel post twice.  The match ended up going right to the final few seconds when Maxine hooked the leg and some tights and got the 3 count right before the bell rang.  Maxine has her first full match in the ring and is once again victorious (with the help of her bodyguard for sure).  Catalina gets in the ring and holds Maxine’s arm high.  They then leave.   Tommy gets laughed at for his poor performance and he storms off.  (20 min)

Backstage, it is dark except for light coming from 3 lanterns.  Wilber sticks his face in front of the camera (he is wearing his mask) but then removes it.  “Sometimes I wish that I could feel pain. But I am different. And we should all embrace our differences, right kids?  When I look inside myself, I see the good, I see the bad. I see everything. I see dreams you haven't dreamed, and worlds you haven't discovered. I see miracles. My mind is endless, and I am free.  Tonight, the buzzards feast.”  He turns and leaves with Anthony and Leon following.

It is time for our main event.  First, the challengers TNT and the Tag Team Champions Maximillian Redbeard and Superquake Ferguson come out to a pop from the crowd.  They interact with the fans and then enter the ring.  They don’t have long to wait as the lights go out and the 3 solitary lights rock slightly as they head to the ring carried by the 6 Man Tag Team Champions Wilber Townsend, Leon Teremoto and Anthony Boom.  The champs get into the ring and the lights come up showing all 3 men wearing their creepy masks.  Each man removes their mask and everything is set on the outside of the ring.  The match starts off with TNT squaring off against his uncle Wilber.  The Six Man champs dominated until Maximillian made the hot tag.  During a double team on Leon, Anthony and Wilber went after Superquake and put him through a table at ringside taking him out of the rest of the match.  Back in the ring, the champs continued to dominate but then noticed time was running out.   Leon hits Maximillian with a splash in the corner and tries for a quick pin but Redbeard powers out.  Redbeard then dazed Leon with a flying knee smash.  Leon shook it off and after reversing a hip toss attempt, powerbombed Redbeard in the middle of the ring.  He took too long to make the cover as by the count of 2, the bell rang bringing this one to a draw conclusion.  The champions retain on a time limit draw but TNT was not done and tried to take more out of Wilber’s hide but Anthony and Leon dropped him with a double powerbomb.  The champs stood tall in the ring as the fans booed and the show comes to an end.

Thanks for reading.  Lots of stuff happening so stay tuned.

HCW Wrestling Newsletter 2019 #797 – Phoenix Heat (09/25)

Hello fans and welcome to another installment of HCW’s Phoenix Heat show.  As pyro goes off kicking off tonight’s show, we cut back to the office of the GM where Ruth Heartless is talking to the Banker.  The Banker confirms he will be Ruth’s champion in defending her position as GM.  He comments that he’s beaten Bull before and this one will be no different.  He questions if there was any announcement yet about who Bull will have in his corner.  Ruth says nothing as of yet but she expects the master of the bulls*it to make his choice known tonight.

We head to the ring for our first match of the evening.  First, the familiar jingle of the ice cream truck sounds and out comes the King of Cones Magnum Kone to a big pop from the crowd.  Magnum makes his way down to and around the ring dispensing treats for the kids.  He finishes and gets into the ring.  The music is abruptly shut off and we hear “No one wants to hear this crap” and out comes Col. Samuel Flagg.  Flagg has a mic in hand and begins mocking both the fans and Magnum. “Just another poser who thinks he can be a wrestler.  No one wants you here Kone so go back and crawl under that rock you came from.”  Magnum stands tall in the ring.  “Well, I guess I’ll have to do something about that” Flagg says and drops the mic and heads to the ring.  He hits the ring attacking Magnum off the bat and getting the advantage.  He attempted to cheat when going for the pin by either putting his feet on the ropes or grabbing a handful of tights.  At the 15 min mark, El Chango comes out and Flagg is distracted.  Flagg begins yelling at El Chango who remains on the ramp.  Flagg turns around only to get whipped into the corner and squished by the Ice Cream Sandwich (splash).  Flagg falls to the mat and Magnum makes the cover getting the 1-2-3.  Magnum Kone gets the win and the fans pop loudly.  Flagg rolls out of the ring.  El Chango nods to Magnum and then leaves.  Flagg makes his way to the back as Magnum celebrates with the fans for a moment before heading back on his own.  (15 min)

We head backstage where Catalina Harper approaches the Anytime/Anywhere Champion ‘Sassy’ Maxine DeVito.  Maxine is quick to her feet but doesn’t see a ref around.  “Relax” Catalina says.  “I’m not here for your title but wanted to offer to be ‘security’ for you to help protect you and your title from the unsavory slops they have around here.”  Maxine thinks about it for a moment and says “You’re hired”.  The two shake hands.  They walk out of the room only to run into a ref.  Maxine looks around only to get an attempted roll up by the Crocodile Hunter.  Maxine kicks out and Catalina picks Croc up and body slams him hard on the cement floor.  Maxine picks him up and hits the Sass Attack and makes the cover to get the 1-2-3.  Maxine gets another W in the win column.  She and Catalina leave in a hurry.

In the interview area, Master Bull is talking about taking on the Banker again.  Walking into the shot is Davis ‘the Hoff’ Hoffmeister.  Davis says he is offering to be in Master Bull’s corner in his match against the Banker.  Bull accepts and the two shake hands.

We head back to the ring.  First, Kimberly Kiccsass comes out and is booed as she makes her way down to the ring.  She flips off a few of the fans and gets into the squared circle.  She jaw jacks with the fans until the music changes and out comes everyone’s favorite soccer mom – Violet Valkyrie.  Violet makes her way down slowly and methodical.  She knows that Kimberly expects her to expend a lot of energy so when she doesn’t, Kimberly seems confused.  Violet takes her time and enters the ring slowly.  She removes her jacket and the match begins.  Kimberly was expecting something entirely different and that worked in Violet’s favor.  Violet outwrestled Kimberly and it was clear who the better competitor was.  Violet went to the top rope and Kimberly tried to arm drag her from the top but Violet held on.  A punch to the gut by Kimberly and this time she arm dragged Violet from the top rope but as she came down, she grabbed onto Kimberly locking in a triangle choke.  They landed in the center of the ring and with no way to make it to the ropes, Kimberly tapped out.  Violet gets the win and the fans pop loudly.  Violet asks for a mic and then says that as the longest reigning (former) champion, she is entitled to a rematch and she dictates that she wants it at the Supershow.  The fans pop at the announcement and then she leaves.  (14 min)

Wilber Townsend is backstage wearing his creepy looking mask.  He says that Anthony and Leon will be in tag team action tonight and that allows him to be in singles competition.  Wilber says he’s heading to the ring any anyone in the back with any ****s that wants a match will be treated to an ass kicking.  “Follow the buzzards; they will bring you home” Wilber says as he walks off.

The lights go out and a single lantern swinging on a pole moves towards the ring.  Once there, the lantern ceases movement and the lights come up.  Wilber is there dressed in his freakish attire.  He enters the ring to boos from the fans and goes to sit in the far corner waiting to see who will answer his challenge.  Next, royal music begins to play and out comes our King ‘Red Hot’ Lucas Johnston.  The crowd pops for him but it’s not as loud as it used to be.  King Lucas and Wilber have a history dating back to 2017 when Wilber eliminated Lucas for the opportunity to become King (defeating then King CJ).  Lucas watches with a wary eye keeping an eye on Townsend but he didn’t see the attack from behind with the (almost zombie like) Anthony Boom and Leon Teremoto rushing in from the crowd.  They collectively beat down Lucas until their competitors for the evening TV Champion Drew the Canadian Love Machine and ‘the Hoff’ Davis Hoffmeister ran out to chase Leon and Anthony away.  The ref checked with his Lordship and he said he wanted to continue.  The beatdown had taken its toll on Lucas but he still managed to go 18 minutes.  Wilber hammered Lucas in the back with some devastating blows and Wilber was able to get the 3 count.  Wilber via his cronies, was able to secure a win tonight.  King Lucas was able to make it to the back under his own power.  (18 min)

 Tommy Lightning is backstage shooting off his mouth but then TNT walks by.  Tommy took a cheap verbal shot at TNT but TNT was on him like lightning grabbing him by the collar and challenging him to a match tonight.  TNT put Tommy down and said “I’ll see you in the ring.”  Tommy looked a little terrified.

TNT comes out first for the next match to a nice pop from the crowd.  He makes his way down and gets into the ring.  He calls for Tommy to join him.  Tommy reluctantly makes his way out but not under his own power but by the line of security who won’t let him run off.  They herd Tommy towards the ring but after a brief delay, Tommy finally got in the ring.  Tommy got in two good shots at the beginning of the match but TNT then took over controlling the pace of the match but just barely.  As the match wore on, TNT began running out of steam and Tommy took over.  He didn’t have much to go on but he was successful in making it to the 20 min time limit.  Once the bell rang signaling the end of the match via draw, Tommy took off but kept running his mouth up the ramp.  He must have said something as TNT all of a sudden got heated and raced after Tommy who now bolted like a streak of lighting hightailing it from a future beatdown.  (20 min draw)

Backstage, Ghee Buttersnaps and Ovaltine Jackson are being interviewed before their tag team title match tonight.  Ghee thanks the Steel Curtain for still allowing them to get the next shot even though they lost to the Curtain (what team players).  Ovaltine says they will not waste the opportunity and will take the match to the champs. 

The bell sounds kicking off our next match.  First, the lights go dim and Leon Teremoto and Anthony Boom come out carrying their lanterns.  Their (cult-ish) leader Wilber Townsend follows them out.  He accompanies them to the ring and gives them some instructions and then goes to sit at commentary.  The music changes and the fans pop as Davis Hoffmeister and the TV Champion Drew the Canadian Love Machine make their way out to deafening cheers.  The duo interact with the fans and then climb into the ring to do business.   Once the match began with Davis kicking things off, Wilber snuck over and knocked Drew off the apron and handcuffed him to the steel post.  This meant that Davis was pretty much in a handicap match and as good as he is, the numbers eventually overwhelmed him.  At the 10 minute mark, Davis was dropped by a spinebuster from Leon.  By this time, the ref was able to get Drew freed from the cuffs and he was able to make a last minute save but was sent out of the ring by the ref.  Boom gets tagged in and mocks Drew from the outside.  He hurls Davis to the ropes and hits a Lou Thesz Press.  Leon rushed over knocking Drew from the apron.  Boom makes the cover and gets the 3 count.  Anthony Boom and Leon Teremoto get the win much to this dislike from the fans.  Wilber joined his team in the ring and raised their arms high.  The 6 Man champs (sans their belts) left the ring.  Drew checked on Davis and he seemed to be ok.  The team then left.  (12 min)

Backstage, the Tag Team Champions Maximillian Redbeard and Superquake Ferguson are reading for their match.  They say that they have respect for their opponents tonight but warns them not to underestimate them like the Jacks did.  Redbeard says that the best team will win tonight.

It’s time for our main event.  First, Ghee Buttersnaps and Ovaltine Jackson come out to a nice pop from the crowd.  Once in the ring, the music changes and the Tag Team Champions make their way to the ring.  They stop to take a picture with one fan before entering the ring.  After handing their titles to the ref, the match began.  Ghee and Ovaltine put up a good fight but the champs controlled the pace.  Halfway through, the challengers got some double teaming in that gave them the slight advantage but the champs eventually regained control but just barely.  At the 20 minute mark, Redbeard catches Ghee with a Knoggin Stomp and makes the cover to get the uncontested 1-2-3.  Redbeard and Ferguson get the win and retain their titles.  After the match, all 4 men shook hands in the ring.  After Ghee and Ovaltine left, the champs celebrated in the ring as the show came to an end.

Once the cameras stopped rolling, our local fans got a treat.  The Steel Curtain came out to a huge pop from the crowd.  They made their way to the ring and met the champs in the center of the squared circle.  Buzz held the briefcase up and the fans popped but Starbuck got a mic and said that they wanted everyone to know, not just the champs that they will cash in, not at the PPV but at the Supershow.  Buzz leaned in and said “Word”.  The fans popped huge again and Buzz and Starbuck left the ring without altercation.  The champs stayed to interact with the fans as the show officially comes to an end.

Stay tuned; lots more action to come.

HCW Wrestling Newsletter 2019 #796 – Tacoma Thunder (09/22)

Hello fans and welcome back to another episode of HCW’s Tacoma Thunder. 

Today’s show begins with a taped video that surprisingly does not begin in the ring or even backstage but in a court of law.  The judge – Judge Leigh Morgan, is presiding over a case where a woman named Catalina Harper, is being accused of, all things, cat burglary.  Catalina is sitting at the defendant’s table and has her feet up and chewing gum (popping bubbles too).  Judge Morgan asks her to put her feet down but Catalina begins shooting rubberbands at her (they fall way short so there is no concern it will hit the judge).  Judge Morgan is about to pass a sentence of community service but then decides that what would be better is to sentence her to a career in professional wrestling.  Catalina says “Well ain’t that the cat’s meow”.  Judge Morgan taps the gavel and everyone gets up to leave.  Catalina stands to leave but Judge Morgan comes over to stop her.  “Trust me, you’re getting off easy here.  Best make do with what you have.”  The Judge leaves and Catalina mumbles “Meow mix”.

We cut back to the venue and the fans pop and the spotlights rush all over the building.  Our first match of the evening begins with Nix Anderson making his way out to the ring to a pop from the crowd.  Nix gets in the ring and asks for a mic.  Nix addresses the Ambassador and Dr. Red Fang and tells them that if he and Fang want him gone, he will get one final shot at the Hardcore title.  If he loses, he will agree to quit.   The crowd pops once again when we hear “Killa Pops is in da hooooooooooooooouse” and out comes Killa.  The fans pop pretty loud for him and it looks like the two will be facing off in our first match of the evening.  Just as the action is ready to start, the Big Cocoon comes out and stands on the ramp causing a distraction.  Nix capitalized on it and 6 minutes in, Nix chopped Killa in the chest and went for a pin.  Cocoon was at ringside by now and hid from view and held Killa’s leg down so he could not kick out.  Nix gets the win and leaves pretty quickly as Killa complained to the ref.  Cocoon hit the ring and attacked Pops.  Pops fought him off hitting the Pimp Drop but was thrown out of the ring.  Cocoon followed and threw Pops into the steel steps twice.  Cocoon had to be separated to avoid causing any more damage but it didn’t take long for Pops to grab a steel chair and chase Cocoon to the back.  (5 min for the match; 5 for the aftermath).

We go backstage and are with the new Anytime/Anywhere Champion ‘Sassy’ Maxine DeVito.  Maxine calls out Ladies Champion Hayley Hailstone saying she will be coming for her.  Just then Apollo sneaks up behind Maxine and with a ref in tow (who makes the challenge official).  He tries to roll up Maxine for a pin but she kicks out.  She then hits Apollo with a low blow and hooks the leg and gets the 1-2-3.  Maxine stands up holding her title but sees a bunch of people running her way so she takes off.  Maxine is successful in her first title defense.  (15 seconds)

In the interview area, Jack Lumber addresses the cowardice of the Axe for the attack on him after the match was over and challenges him to a steel cage match at the Supershow

We head back to the ring for our next match.  First, Lavender Gooms comes out to a small pop from the crowd.  Once in the ring, the music changed and out comes Tempest Fortune to a nice pop from the crowd.  She makes her way to the ring and enters.  Lavender tries to attack her before the bell but Tempest hurled her out of the ring.  Eventually, Lavender makes it back in and the bell rings.  This one was pretty even throughout the match with neither lady getting a solid advantage over the other until 16 minutes in when Tempest catches Lavender with a moonsault.  2 minutes later, Tempest hits a spinning heel kick and makes the cover and (barely) gets the 1-2-3.  Tempest Fortune gets the win and the fans pop.  Lavender rolls out of the ring and looks on but leaves without further altercation.  (18 min)

Backstage, the Steel Curtain (Buzz and Starbuck Steel) remind the Tag Team Champions (Superquake Ferguson and Maximillian Redbeard) that they are still in possession of a contract and have yet to cash it in.  The team of Ghee Buttersnaps and Ovaltine Jackson walk in.  Buzz Steel says that Ghee and Ovaltine are standing in their way for a shot at the tag team titles.  Ovaltine suggests a match (but the contract is not on the line as both teams are ranked #1 or 2 for the titles).  Starbuck leans in and says “Word” and the 4 men shake on it.  Looks like we have a match added to the card tonight.

Back in the ring, Otto Ruthless has made his way out (he was moved over from Phoenix) to booing from the crowd.  He flips off the fans and gets into the ring.  Next we hear music play over the loudspeaker and, of all things, a CAR drives out from the back.  It is this yellow behemoth with black stripes jacked up.  It looks like a giant banana.  Hang on, this must be the Masked Banana as a masked man exits the car in a yellow jumpsuit wearing a black mask.  The fans aren’t sure what to make of him so he gets a small pop from the crowd.  He shakes hands with some of the fans to attempt to get a more welcoming reception and it seems to work.  He enters the ring only to be attacked by Otto which drew heat from the fans.  The Masked Banana must have had some training as he went toe to toe with Otto for 9 minutes without either man attempting a pin or submission.  At the 10 minute mark, MB hit the Banana Fever and the Banana Cream Pie but Otto dropped him with a swinging neckbreaker.  He stood over MB gloating but our masked friend was quick to his feet and hit Otto with another Banana Cream Pie.  He went for the pin hooking the leg solidly and got the 3 count.  The Masked Banana gets the win and the fans pop.  Otto tried to attack him after the match but one solid glare from the man in Yellow put a stop to it.  Otto turns and leaves.  The Masked Banana interacts with the fans briefly before departing.  (12 min)

The US Champion the Wicked Prophet arrives in the building and makes his way to his dressing room.  Tonight, he is defending his title against 5^th Column member Oswald Zimmerman.

The next match is ready to kick off and Missy Chick makes her way out first to a pop from the crowd.  She high fives the fans and rushes down to the ring.  She waits for her opponent patiently.  A “MEOW” echoes over the loudspeakers and out comes the newest addition to the ladies roster Catalina Harper.  She stands on the stage waiting for a response from the crowd.  She doesn’t like what she hears so she begins flipping people off.  Now, that got them started up.  One person tried to pat her on the back as she passed by but she quickly turned around, chomping on her gum, and blew the wad of gum at the person.  She then continued her way to the ring.  She gets in and the fans continue booing which is what she seems to enjoy.  The match begins with Missy controlling the first few minutes but then Catalina took over.  She began tossing Missy around like a rag doll. At the 12 min mark, Missy hits the ropes and nails a springboard corkscrew armdrag but as soon as she was on her feet, Catalina hit her with the Cat’s Meow.  Catalina goes for the pin and with a foot on the ropes for extra leverage, she gets the 3 count.  The fans boo but she just soaks it in.  She leaves after taunting the crowd some more.  (12 min)

We go back to the office of the GM and Max McGillicutty is sitting with GM Ruth Hearthless.  Max says that when Ruth crossed the line interfering in the Banker’s match, she violated one of the GM rules and that was to never get involved during a wrestlers match.  Because of this, her time as GM may end sooner than she realizes.  Ruth comes up with an alternative.  She says she will pick one person to represent her (obviously the Banker) and Max can pick one person and the two will meet in a Hell in a Cell at the House of Horrors PPV in October.  She says that if her person loses, she will relinquish the job back to Master Bull; that is, if he still wants it.  Max agrees and says that for that match, she will actually be allowed to be in her person’s corner as whomever volunteers will surely have someone in theirs.

It’s back to the ring for some tag team action.  First, making a play to become the #1 contenders, the Steel Curtain come out first to a huge pop from the crowd.  They interact with the fans and make their way into the ring.  They take turns holding the briefcase high and the fans continue to pop.  They settle down and the music changes bringing out the #1 contenders – Ghee Buttersnaps and Ovaltine Jackson.  They get a small pop but the fans are solidly behind the Steel Curtain.  Ghee and Ovaltine enter the ring and meet the Curtain in the middle of the ring.  GM Max McGillicutty comes out and says that since both teams are either r#1 or #2, this match has little impact so the time limit is only going to be 15 minutes long.  The 4 men in the ring shake hands and the bell rings.  The Steel Curtain owned this right from the start and they didn’t even need the full 15 minutes to secure the win.  Starbuck hit the Buck-U neckbreaker at the 13 minute mark and got the uncontested win.  However, after the match was over, Buzz Steel got on the mic and said that the contract they are in possession of guarantees them a match which they officially state will be at the October PPV – House of Horrors.  With that said, Buzz says that Ghee and Ovaltine can have the next shot regardless.  The fans popped even louder.  Ghee and Ovaltine shook hands with the Curtain and everyone left.  (13 min)

We get a live video feed from Phoenix and its Master Bull.  Bull says he’s been watching the show and he immediately throws his hat in saying he will take on the Banker or whomever and do whatever it takes to get his position back as GM.  Bull says that on Wednesday in Phoenix, he will find someone to be in his corner.

Backstage, we see the Anytime/Anywhere champion Maxine DeVito trying to make her way to the back door and safety.  She is almost there when she meets up with the new guy the Masked Banana.  He introduces himself but Maxine brushes him off.  A ref walks by and he signals for him.  He attempts to hit the Yellow Fever on Maxine but she immediately reverses it and rolls him up holding the tights to get the 1-2-3.  Maxine is victorious again and runs off and through the door to safety. (15 seconds)

It’s time for our main event.  First, all three members of the 5^th Column – Baron Von Blood, Karl Braun and Oswald Zimmerman all come out to major booing from the crowd.  Blood and Braun remain on the ramp as Oswald makes his way down to the ring.   He gets in the ring and begins to incite the crowd.  Thankfully, the music changed and out comes the US Champion the Wicked Prophet.  Prophet comes out and stands on stage and holds the title high.  He gets a mixed reaction from the crowd (people should not be cheering him but for whatever reason, they do) and he makes his way down to the ring ignoring all the fans hoping to get a high five.  He gets in the ring and holds the title high.  He hands it to the ref and the match begins.  Oswald immediately slaps on the stomach klaw but Prophet makes it to the ropes to break the hold.  As that was going on, Baron and Braun made their way to the ring.  Prophet hits the Righteous Dominion but before he could go for the pin, Baron and Braun hit the ring attacking Prophet resulting in a DQ in only 2 minutes.  Wicket Prophet gets the win by DQ and begins to fight off the column but the Huber Clan comes out and attacks the Column and all six of them fought all the way to the back.  Prophet shakes his head and after holding is title high, he makes his way to the back to end the show.

Thanks for reading.  Stay tuned as there is more to come.

HCW Wrestling Newsletter 2019 #795 – Phoenix Heat (09/18)

Hello fans and welcome back.  Well, we enjoyed our nice hiatus and the roster is all refreshed and ready to kick things off. 

The Supershow which aired right before the PPV saw the following results:

·       Ice Dagger defeats Magnum Kone

·       Killa Pops defeated Tommy Lightning

·       Maxine DeVito defeats Kimberly Kiccsass

·       Jack Lumber defeats the Axe but Axe attacks him after the match.

·       El Chango defeated Col. Flagg

We are introduced to “the Lumber Lounge”. Entrance to the Lumber Lounge:

·       $20 or

·       $15 if you wear a flannel or

·       $10 if you bring a friend AND wear a flannel

·       Davis Hoffmeister defeats the Banker

·       Iron Sheik attacked and potentially injured Rad Gumbo.

As a recap from the PPV,

·       Wilber Townsend, Leon Teremoto and Anthony Boom defeated the Steel Curtain & Biceps Bannerman to become the NEW 6 Man Tag Team Champions.

·       Drew the Canadian Love Machine retained the TV title in his match against Master Bull.

·       Dr Red Fang retained the Hardcore title against Nix Anderson.

·       Wicket Prophet defeated Otto Ruthless to retain the US title.

·       Maximillian Redbeard and Superquake Ferguson defeated Mean Jack Mason & Angry Jack Lawson to become the NEW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS.

·       Texas Wildfire retained the World Title against Apollo Gyze.

·       After signing a non-liable clause for his match, The Ragin Cajun Rad Gumbo defeated the Iron Sheik in a Persian Death Match; only to be taken out after tripping over a cat scratching post back stage.  Rad Gumbo ended up breaking his ankle and will be out the rest of the year.  I’m sure he’ll have words for Apollo (who left shit laying around) upon his return.

·       Hayley Hailstorm defeated Violet Valkyrie to become the NEW LADIES CHAMPION.

Pyro goes off to kick off the show and that brings out Phoenix Heat GM Ruth Heartless.  The crowd boos her as she tries to get a word in.  She finally gets an opening and after a dig at both the AZ Cardinals and the AZ Diamondbacks (which drew more heat from the crowd), she made some announcements.

“First off you ungrateful bunch of snobs, I was given an opportunity by the owners of HCW to take on a new wrestler for my roster or trade him to Tacoma in favor of someone on the roster there.  Well, Tacoma, you get “The Masked Banana”.  Enjoy.  I on the other hand am taking back someone who should never have left.”  Music hits and out comes the Banker.  “Ruth, thank you for making this happen.  First, that Tacoma is such a stinkpit (referring to the alleged ‘Tacoma Aroma’) and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.  Second, I saw that the Heat show was taking a nosedive and needed someone of my caliber back on the show.  Ratings will surely soar now.”  Ruth tells him he will have to wrestle tonight and he says he’ll go get ready and heads to the back.  Ruth continues.  “Also tonight, we are rolling out a brand new title.  We have graciously extended an offer to wrestlers on both teams including the women to come and wrestle for this new belt.  The title will be called the “Anytime/Anywhere” Championship and can and will have to be defended at a moment’s notice.  Anyone can win it if they have the know how to make it happen.  That battle royal will take place tonight with the new champion being crowned before the end of the show.  With that, let’s get this show moving.”  She leaves and the fans applaud (because she finally left).

Our first match of the evening continues the feud between these two teams.  First, the Snake Pit (Leiton, Niven and Tobias Snake) all come out to a small pop from the crowd.  The 3 enter the ring and put their collective fists together for a fist bump.  The music changes and the fans boo as the 5^th Column (Baron von Blood, Karl Braun & Oswald Zimmerman) come out.  The Column flip off the crowd which just infurates them all the more.  Baron gets in the ring and calls out Leiton for hiding behind the Pit.  Leiton basically does the same to Baron for hiding behind the Column.  Baron says that the two of them should do this one on one with their teammates only coming in for double or triple teaming.  Leiton agreed.  The bell rang and Leiton almost scored a near fall after hitting a Curb stomp 2 minutes in.   The Column then jumped Leiton giving Baron a chance to recover.  Twice during the match, we saw all 6 men in the ring but for the entire time, neither Baron nor Leiton tagged out.  The Snake Pit clearly had the advantage during the match but Baron was able to capitalize when Leiton went for an enzuiguri but missed.  Baron locked in the Gas Chamber (sleeper) and while Oswald and Karl took out the rest of the pit, the ref checked on Leiton picking up his arm and dropping it once, twice, three times.  He calls for the bell and awards the match to the 5^th Column via submission.  Baron refuses to relinquish the hold.  The ref threatens to reverse the decision and Baron finally lets go once Niven and Tobias hit the ring armed with steel chairs.  Baron von Blood bolts out of the ring and he and the rest of the Column celebrate their win.  I’m sure the Snake Pit will not be letting this go.  (12 min)

The former tag team champions Mean Jack Mason and Angry Jack Lawson are backstage.  Mason issues a challenge to the Steel Curtain for the briefcase which contains a contract to meet for the Tag Team titles.    Buzz and Starbuck Steel walk in and they say that they accept.  A brief brawl ensues but is quickly squashed.

We go back to the ring for our next match.  First, Travis ‘Dark Storm’ Ryzing comes out to a nice pop from the crowd.  Once in the ring, the music changed and the fans boo as the Banker makes his way out.  He makes his way to the ring and puts his briefcase next to the steel post.  He gets in and attacks Travis.  The two men battled for the entire 20 minute match but with no pin or submission attempted, the match ended on a draw.  The Banker was not happy about that and attacked Travis with the briefcase.  The Banker then hit a Deposit diving DDT on Travis right on the briefcase putting a huge dent into it.  The Banker saw his briefcase with the huge dent in it and went right back to beating Travis down.  A bunch of people from backstage came out and forced the Banker to the back.  Travis was helped to the back.  (20 min draw)

Hardcore Champion Dr. Red Fang is backstage with his manager the Ambassador.  The Ambassador blasts Nix Anderson for being a poor sport after he completely failed against the diabolical vampire.  The Ambassador promises that Nix will “never….eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever get another shot at this title unless….Fang and I want you gone so I propose one more match but this time, if (and when) you lose Nix, you are out of HCW. Those are the terms.  Take it, or leave it.”  The Ambassador and Fang walk off camera.

The next match is to determine who gets the next title match against the Tag Team Champions.  First, the challengers Mean Jack Mason and Angry Jack Lawson come out first and they are booed all the way to the ring.  They would grab random signs and tear them up before throwing the pieces back at the fans.  They got in the ring and jawjacked with the crowd until the music changed and the fans popped HUGE as the Steel Curtain (Buzz and Starbuck Steel) came out carrying their briefcase.  They interact with the fans and make their way into the ring.  There is very little down time as the match begins right away at the insistence of the Steel Curtain.  The 4 men brawled all over the ring with random pins attempted but nothing was successful.  The match went on right up to the last minute of the match.  As we entered the final minute of the match, the Curtain were in total control but the Jacks jumped in.  Buzz joined in and he and Starbuck hurled the Jacks at each other and they crashed in the center of the ring.  Angry Jack fell down and rolled out of the ring.  Starbuck hit the ropes and nailed an Out of this World dropkick on Mason.  He rolled Mean Jack up and with seconds to spare, he got the 1-2-3.  The Steel Curtain are victorious and retain their spot as the #1 contenders to the Tag Champs.  Mean Jack and Angry Jack stormed to the back pissed off.  (30 min)

Smarting their loss tonight, the Jacks arrive backstage and they just snap.  They attack and beat up a couple of security guards with Mean Jack causing most of the ruckus.  GM Ruth Heartless arrives on the scene and says that this is totally uncalled for and suspends the team.  Mean Jack grabs his bag and walks out the back door never turning around.

It’s time for our match for the Hardcore title.  First, the challenger Ghee Buttersnaps comes out to a pop from the crowd.  After he arrives in the ring, the loudspeakers blare “VAMPIRE LUNGES FOR EVERYONE” and out comes the champion Dr. Red Fang accompanied by his manager the Ambassador and the two head to the ring amid the boos and hisses from the crowd.  Fang gets in the ring and looks to the Ambassador who announces the match rules will be “Brass knuckles”.  Fang goes right on the offensive.  Fang is first to get the brass knucks and he delivers a punch to Ghee’s gut.  Ghee gets a shot in when he uses the foreign object to smack Fang across the bridge of the nose.  This move incapacitated the champ and Ghee took control but Fang eventually got back into the action.  Ghee locks in a bearhug but Fang won’t quit.  Fang goes for his knucks again but Ghee kicks them into the crowd giving some lucky fan a bloody souvenir.   The next thing we hear is the bell signaling the end of the match.  This one ended in a draw.  Fang retains his title but leaves fairly quickly.  (20 min draw)

It is now time for our main event and most of the participants in the battle royal to determine who will become the first ever Anytime/Anywhere champion goes off with men and women alike storming the ring and bodies flying over the top rope just as fast as new ones could enter.  This went on for almost an hour when it finally came down to the last two competitors… Master Bull and ‘Sassy’ Maxine DeVito.  After a little back and forth, Bull drops Maxine with a one armed chokeslam but Maxine pops up and grabs Bull by the trunks and hurls him over the top rope.  The bell rings signaling the end of the match and with that, Maxine becomes the first ever Anytime/Anywhere Champion.  She holds the title high and the fans boo.  She smirks and heads to the back.  Just then, a small group of wrestlers immediately went after her to try to get a pin or submission to take the title but Maxine had just enough of a lead that she was able to exit the building, hop into a waiting car and take off.

With that, the show comes to an end.  Stay tuned for more action.