Hello fans and
welcome back to another installment of the HCW wrestling newsletter. On the card today, Korbi Kong is in singles
action. The Flannelnanas (Masked Banana
and Jack Lumber) get their shot at the World Tag Team titles. The Freedom Fighters take on Drew the
Canadian Love Machine and Davis Hoffmeister.
Wicked Prophet also defends the World title against Killa Pops. All this and more will be on today’s show.
Pyro goes off again and our first match is ready to go. First, Lavender Gooms makes her way out to a small acknowledgement from the crowd. Once in the ring, the music changed and the fans popped as Korbi Kong made her way out. She interacted with the fans and then slid under the bottom rope keeping a wary eye on Lavender. She climbed to the second turnbuckle and held up her arms. The fans popped even louder. She stepped down and the match was ready to go. Early on, Korbi controlled the pace of the match until the Ladies champion ‘Sassy’ Maxine DeVito came out and began distracting Korbi. This allowed Lavender to get in some (cheap) shots. Even with some interference from the Ladies Champion, Korbi managed to keep kicking out of pin attempts. At the 16 minute mark, the ref took a bump and went down. Maxine used that opening to attack Korbi dropping her with the Sass Attack. As the ref began to stir, Maxine slid out of the ring and told Lavender to do something. Lavender picked Korbi up and pressed her over her head and slammed her hard to the mat. She went for the cover hooking the leg and the tights and got the 1-2-3. Lavender gets the win as the fans boo heavily. Korbi rolled out of the ring. Maxine entered and applauded Lavender on her cheap win. That all went south fast as Korbi was back in wielding a steel chair. She caught Lavender with it but Maxine escaped at the last minute. Korbi got on the mic. “Listen, I know I’m new around here but in my 2nd only match, I got a shot at the Ladies title. Not bad for a newbie. Maxine, I only went after the title because 4 others couldn’t figure out what to do. You attacked me here tonight so guess what, you have my undivided attention. The next time we meet in the ring for that belt, I can promise you that you won’t be walking out with that title.” The fans popped for her as she left for the back. (17 min)
We cut to the back where the Flannelnana’s are cutting a promo. Jack is being all serious and talking about giving trees (not the ones he cuts down) sweaters to keep them warm in the winter (um, what?) but the Masked Banana is there to have fun. “It’s our shot at a title! I am the first bullet out of the chamber. Clip it. I’m bathing in a protein drink tonight after we win the titles!” He stands there smiling as Jack stares at him.
“Ariba!” the
Masked Banana exclaims.
We head back to the ring as the Huber Clan (Junior, Ferb and Butch) come out to booing from the crowd. They sneer at the fans and enter the ring. As they pump themselves up, the fans continue to voice their disgust. The music changes and the fans pop as the Muscles Trio come out. They are running around acting all goofy wearing their rainbow colored bull horns and carrying their boxes of Booty O’s cereal which they give out to select fans. Apparently, it’s been flying off the shelf and selling for crazy prices on that one “e” auction site.
They enter the
ring and the Huber’s attack them prompting the start of this match. (I guess the Huber’s are just mad that they don’t
have their own box of cereal.) The
Hubers dominated the match and kept the Muscles well off their game. At the 10 minute mark, Butch gets knocked off
the ring apron and he goes flying and crashes into the Spanish Announce
table. He is effectively out for the
rest of the match but that didn’t stop his siblings from owning the rest of the
match. If anything, it made them more
violent and they took it all out on the trio.
At the 17 minute mark, Ferb hits Weasley with a Sitout Scoop Slam
piledriver. He goes for the pin and gets
the uncontested 1-2-3. The Hubers get
the win in this violent matchup. The
Hubers collect Butch and head to the back.
The Muscles get an assist from backstage help to make it to the back. (17 min)
Back in the office
of the GM, Max McGillicutty and Master Bull are still confused as to who
attacked Violet Valkyrie. The tape of
the backstage recording was paused during the attack and then restarted
afterwards. It seems whomever did it
knows their way around technology.
We move on to the
next match. First, patriotic music plays
and out comes the Freedom Fighters – Justice and Flash. They are booed as they head down to the
ring. They make like they’re going to
attack the fans and stop just shy of throwing a punch. They get in the ring and jaw jack with the
fans. The music changes and out comes
the two fan favorites Drew the Canadian Love Machine and Davis ‘the Hoff’
Hoffmeister. The crowd goes absolutely
bananas (and not the Masked Banana kind).
They shake hands with the fans and then enter the ring always keeping an
eye on their opponents. The Freedom
Fighters gave Davis and Drew a much harder fight than what was expected. Flash and Justice each got 2 counts on their
opponents but a save kept the match from ending prematurely. 16 minutes in, Davis and Drew were double
teaming their opponents (Davis just dropped Justice with a piledriver) until
Flash snuck in and dropped Davis with a Tiger Driver. Flash dragged his partner to his corner. After getting escorted out of the ring, Flash
makes the tag. At the same time, Davis
was crawling to his corner and make the hot tag and the fans exploded as Drew
entered the ring. Flash ran in but got
caught by a handstand headscissors takedown.
Drew rolled Flash up and got the 1-2-3.
Davis and Drew get the win and the fans practically blow the roof off
the place. The Freedom Fighters limped
to the back while the winners celebrated with the fans before heading back
themselves. (20 min)
The World Tag Team
Champions the Steel Curtain (Buzz and Starbuck Steel) are being
interviewed. Buzz starts off “You know ‘Buck,
these Bananarama’s..” Starbuck interjects “You mean Flannelnanas”…”Oh yeah,”
Buzz continued. “The Flannelnanas sure
are fan favorites. In fact, I dare say
they may be more popular than us.”
Starbuck inquires “How so?” Buzz
continues “Well, for one, they have fan clubs.
The Lumber Lounge and the Banana Boat.
We don’t have fan clubs.”
Starbuck says “The fans back us.
We don’t need a club to show why we’re the #1 tag team in HCW. In fact, tonight, two fan favorite teams put
it all on the line for these belts.”
They both hold up the tag titles.
“Buzz, I think we may have a Match of the Year on our hands.” Buzz shakes his head. “I wouldn’t go that far but they did surprise
everyone in becoming the #1 contenders.”
Starbuck adds “And that Masked Banana…he made it all the way to the
Elimination Chamber even if he was the first out.” Buzz finishes “Tonight Flannnelnanas, you
meet the best team. Bring your a-game
because nothing short of that will do.”
Starbuck leans in and says “Word.”
The champs walk off.
Our next match is
ready to go. First, 1/3rd of
the Six Man Tag Team Champs Maximillian Redbeard comes out to a nice pop from
the crowd. He gets in the ring and
continues to get the crowd pumped up for this match. Next, the music changes and out comes The
Bounty Hunter Jake Montrose. The fans
boo him as he makes his way down to the ring.
Jake gets on the mic and says that there is a bounty on Redbeard and if
he takes him out, it will be a huge payoff.
The match begins with Jake controlled a good chuck of the match. There were a couple of near falls but
Redbeard persevered. After 15 minutes of
taking that abuse, Redbeard turned up the heat and went to town on
Montrose. Maximillian was on fire. He drops a vicious flying knee smash and
looked up to see the clock winding down.
He throws Jake into the ropes and hits a huge hip toss. He makes the cover and gets the 3 count just
before the match time ran out. Redbeard
gets the win and the fans pop for him. He heads to the back as the fans cheer
him on.
We’re backstage
again with the man challenging for the World Title – Killa Pops. Pops says that Prophet ruled the roost for
long enough and tonight, a new champion will rise from the ashes and take the
most coveted title in all of wrestling.
Tonight, Prophet sings like a canary when he’s busy tapping out. Pops walks off.
Our co-main event
is ready to get underway. First, as the
music plays (the Hey Margarita one), the Masked Banana comes out first followed
by Jack Lumber. The two look out at the
crowd and make their way to the ring shaking hands with the fans. They get in the ring and each climb a
turnbuckle getting the crowd psyched up.
The music changes and the fans explode as the Tag Team Champions the
Steel Curtain come out. Buzz and
Starbuck stand on the stage and hold their titles high. They head down to the ring ready for
action. They get in the ring and after
getting the crowd ready, they hand their belts to the ref so this one can
begin. This one began strong for the first
8 minutes in favor of the champs but then the king of flannel and his masked
partner kicked things into high gear giving the champs a serious run. An interesting tidbit is that after the 3rd
minute of the match, there were no pin attempts at all. The Flannelnanas truly brought their A-Game
and even though this one went to a 30 min draw, the fans were solidly behind
both teams. After the bell rang bringing
this one to a draw finish, the 4 men stood in the center of the ring and shook
hands. The Flannelnanas left first
allowing the champs to have some time to interact with the fans before they too
made their way backstage. (30 min draw)
The World Champion
Wicked Prophet is backstage. “Killa
who? You act like I should know
you. I’ve seen droppings bigger than
you. But now, you call me out…the champ? Killa Pops, get ready to feel my wrath.”
It’s time for the
main event. First, the music hits and
out comes Killa Pops. The fans pop for
him. He makes his way down to the ring.
He removes his jacket and begins to do some stretches to loosen up for
his match. Next, the music changes and
out comes the World Champion the Wicked Prophet. The fans boo him as he makes his way to the
ring. He sneers at those at ringside who
were the loudest but mostly ignored the masses.
He gets in the ring standing the in center and holds the title high. He hands it to the ref who calls for the bell
to start the match.
=====
In the 1st minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled DC
Killa' Pops
rolled DC
Both Men in
rolled DC
The Wicked
Prophet rolled OC.
Killa' Pops
rolled OC.
The Wicked
Prophet executes a THE CRUCIFIX CLUTCH....
Killa'
Pops executes a BODY KICKS TO OPPONENT....
The
Wicked Prophet straps in the THE CRUCIFIX CLUTCH.
Killa'
Pops does not submit!
=====
In the 2nd minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled DC
Killa' Pops
rolled OC.
Killa'
Pops executes a SPINNING SIDE SLAM....
The Wicked
Prophet attempts to defend against SPINNING SIDE SLAM but is unsuccessful.
=====
In the 3rd minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled OC.
Killa' Pops
rolled OC.
The Wicked
Prophet executes a FIRE - WALK WITH ME....
Killa'
Pops executes a ROUNDHOUSE RIGHT....
=====
In the 4th minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled OC.
Killa' Pops
rolled DC
The Wicked
Prophet executes a EXILE FROM THE RING....
Killa'
Pops absorbs the punishment.
Killa'
Pops is on the outside. The ref begins
the count.
1...2...3...4...5...
Killa'
Pops makes it back into the ring at the 5 count.
=====
In the 5th minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled OC.
Killa' Pops
rolled OC.
The Wicked
Prophet executes a BAPTISM OF FIRE....
Killa'
Pops executes a BODY KICKS TO OPPONENT....
=====
In the 6th minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled DC
Killa' Pops
rolled OC/TT
Killa'
Pops executes a WRENCHING HEADLOCK....
The Wicked
Prophet attempts to defend against WRENCHING HEADLOCK but is unsuccessful.
=====
In the 7th minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled OC.
Killa' Pops
rolled OC/TT
The Wicked
Prophet executes a THE CRUCIFIX CLUTCH....
Killa'
Pops executes a NA....
The
Wicked Prophet straps in the THE CRUCIFIX CLUTCH.
Killa'
Pops does not submit!
=====
In the 8th minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled DC
Killa' Pops
rolled DC
Both Men in
rolled DC
The Wicked
Prophet rolled DC
Killa' Pops
rolled OC.
Killa'
Pops executes a SHOULDER BREAKER....
The Wicked
Prophet neutralizes SHOULDER BREAKER.
=====
In the 9th minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled DC
Killa' Pops
rolled OC/TT
Killa'
Pops executes a SHOULDER BREAKER....
The Wicked
Prophet attempts to defend against SHOULDER BREAKER but is unsuccessful.
=====
In the 10th minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled OC/TT
Killa' Pops
rolled DC
The Wicked
Prophet executes a SMITE....
Killa'
Pops absorbs the punishment.
=====
In the 11th minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled OC.
Killa' Pops
rolled OC.
The Wicked
Prophet executes a SMITE....
Killa'
Pops executes a WRENCHING HEADLOCK....
===== In the 12th minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled DC
Killa' Pops
rolled DC
Both Men in
rolled DC
The Wicked
Prophet rolled OC.
Killa' Pops
rolled DC
The Wicked
Prophet executes a BAPTISM OF FIRE....
Killa'
Pops absorbs the punishment.
The
Wicked Prophet is attempting a pin!!!
1...2...
Killa'
Pops kicks out of the pin!
=====
In the 13th minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled OC.
Killa' Pops
rolled DC
The Wicked
Prophet executes a BAPTISM OF FIRE....
Killa'
Pops reverses BAPTISM OF FIRE!
Killa'
Pops executes a WRENCHING HEADLOCK....
The Wicked
Prophet absorbs the punishment.
=====
In the 14th minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled DC
Killa' Pops
rolled OC.
Killa'
Pops executes a ROUNDHOUSE RIGHT....
The Wicked
Prophet absorbs the punishment.
=====
In the 15th minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled OC.
Killa' Pops
rolled DC
The Wicked
Prophet executes a DEVIL'S SNARE....
Killa'
Pops absorbs the punishment.
The
Wicked Prophet is attempting a pin!!!
1...2...
Killa'
Pops kicks out of the pin!
=====
In the 16th minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled OC.
Killa' Pops
rolled OC/TT
The Wicked
Prophet executes a THE CRUCIFIX CLUTCH....
Killa'
Pops executes a PIMP DROP....
The
Wicked Prophet straps in the THE CRUCIFIX CLUTCH.
Killa'
Pops does not submit!
=====
In the 17th minute of the match: =====
The Wicked
Prophet rolled OC/TT
Killa' Pops
rolled DC
The Wicked
Prophet executes a PROP 8....
Killa'
Pops attempts to defend against PROP 8 but is unsuccessful.
The
Wicked Prophet is attempting a pin!!!
Killa'
Pops was pinned by The Wicked Prophet!!!
The
Wicked Prophet wins with a PROP 8 over Killa' Pops!!!
Wicked Prophet
gets the win and stands over Pops.
Prophet gets on the mic. “Once
again, YOUR champion stands tall. Once
again, I brushed back any real competition and prove my dominance in HCW. Wildfire, remember, you get one final shot. Lose and I’ll make sure you never get another
title match again. The fans boo as
Prophet stands tall in the ring.
Just before the
show ended, we cut backstage. The Masked
Banana has a perplexed look on his face.
“Searching through
my thoughts I wonder if Jack and I would fare better separate. I don’t want to
hold anyone back, especially not Jack. He’s the first real friend I have made
in HCW. Ehhch see DUUUUB! Jack has gotten me that much closer to Grapeness. It
has been a learning experience, and I am better off for it. I got one last
thing to say – I’ll foot-punch the juice outta anyone who messes with Jack. One
more last thing to say – my opponent’s tears are nourishing my banana plants
nicely. When they are ripe I cannot wait to devour them to taste your tears
again. (Editor’s note…Ummm, gross) Feed my body and join me in my journey to
grapelyhood.”
*rips his shirt and runs full speed to the exit, then runs full speed back
“Another last word to say: portals!”
*vanishes into another dimension
What the…?
To be continued…Stay
Tuned
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