Hello fans. Well, we just got in some breaking news. Donnie B said that he had a couple of announcements to make so here you go.
“Hello to wrestling fans all over the world. My first piece of news is the return to the ring of two great performers: The Nature Boy Ric Flair and Jeff Hardy. We don’t quite know which roster they will be on but we look forward to working this out with CSWA GM Jeff Meyers.
My second piece of information is that I had a brainstorm and I think this may be one of the greatest things I’ve come up with to date. As you all know, the Negronomicon has pissed off many people all over the world. There are wrestlers here that have told me that they want a match against the Negronomicon. The wrestlers on staff so far include: Shawn Michaels, HHH, Scott Steiner, the Undertaker, Jay Lethal, Christian, Kurt Angle, and Matt Hardy. Each and everyone of these people want a one-on-one match against the Negronomicon as well as having been approached by “retired” wrestlers who would love a match so this led me to the idea of ideas. I’ve decided to have a “host” wrestler at every show to take on the Negronomicon. As long as there is no schedule conflict, we will alternate between an active wrestler and one who is retired. “Retirees” obviously need to still be alive in order to participate. “
After this announcement had been made, Negronomicon slipped us another letter that basically stated that “it didn’t matter what old fogies wanted to fight him as he would defy his contract and defeat anyone, anywhere, anytime”. We certainly are glad that he made this statement as we have decided that the first person to take on the Negronomicon in this special challenge will be none other than Andy Kaufman. But wait….Andy’s dead. You are right and with that, the opponent will be none other than Jim Carrey impersonating Andy Kaufman (as he did in the movie “Man on the Moon”). In his corner will be none other than Jerry “The King” Lawler.
Out came Lawler first who introduced Jim Carrey who still was a spitting image of the late comedian. Carrey still had the act down pat. Negronomicon came out next. As soon as the bell rang, Lawler stared off and nailed the Negronomicon with a piledriver in the middle of the ring. He then tagged in “Andy”. Kaufman did a taunt and tease while Negronomicon was down on the ground. As soon as he got up, he grabbed ahold of Andy but Kaufman managed to hide in the ropes. A headlock (weak one at that) from Kaufman was met with a Black Doom. Kaufman somehow managed to make the tag and Lawler went to the top rope and nailed Negronomicon with a fist drop. N is out again. Kaufman is back in. Kaufman did a chicken dance before locking in a headlock. He then went for a wild haymaker but totally missed Negronomicon. Kaufman didn’t like that so he went to go talk with his lawyers at ringside. N started to chase him around the ring. Kaufman fell down and Negronomicon fell over him. Andy went for a roll up but Lawler jumped in and helped hold Negronomicon down as the ref made the count 1…2….3. Andy Kaufman and Jerry Lawler are declared the winners of the match. Kaufman (Carrey) wanted to get on the mic and belittle the crowd as the original Andy did but Lawler told him they should stop while ahead. They then left the ring.
Negronomicon was of course really pissed off. He started to leave when GM William Regal came out. “My good man. You are just getting warmed up. Actually, your ‘real’ match is now and your opponent, on loan to us from the CSWA, is none other than Shawn Michaels. Have fun.”
Shawn started off the match with a flying forearm smash. He followed it up with a diving elbow drop but Negronomicon hit the Black Doom. Michaels hit another flying forearm smash and followed it up with the diving elbow again.Michaels then hit Sweet Chin Music for a 2 count. Michaels is then tossed out of the ring till the 9 count. Shawn hit a flying elbow from the top rope and N hit the Doom Bomb. He tossed N out of the ring and as soon as he was back in, connected with a snap mare and hit the SCM out of nowhere and covered him and got the pin. Shawn Michaels wins the match.
Our next newsletter will have more great info. Stay tuned.
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