Hello fans and
welcome back to another installment of HCW’s Wrestling Newsletter. We are on the road coming to you from
Portland, OR. Pyro goes off and we head
to the announce booth.
“J9 here alongside
my fellow commentator Dash ‘Smooth’ Woodbrick.
So Dash, looking at the card, it appears we have a full stack with 2
title matches and 4 champions on the card.”
Dash looks at her. “First, it’s SMOOOOTH, not smooth and second, why is
that numbskull Masked Banana wrestling for a title when he already has
one? I mean, it’s a joke he holds one
title and putting him against another champ is ridiculous. I mean, the Ladies Champ…she deserves a night
off so I understand her not defending the title tonight.” J9 interrupts “Playing the bias card already
SMOOOOTHIE McShake? Enough of your
blabbing…it’s time for our first match.”
Music plays and
out comes 1/3rd of the 6 Man Champions Maximillian Redbeard. He gets a nice pop as he heads down to the
ring. Once in, he begins to psyche up
the crowd until his opponent is introduced with “APOLLO GYZE DON’T APOLOGIZE”
and out comes Apollo. He is booed heavily
as he makes his way down to the ring. He
sneers at the fans and even steals a couple of their signs throwing them to the
floor. He gets in the ring and looks up
at Redbeard. A big ol’ fist from
Redbeard to Apollo’s face kicks this one off.
Apollo fought back and had control for the first 6 minutes of the match
but then a Knoggin Knocker from Redbeard dazed and confused Apollo. He then controlled the rest of the match
right up to the end. In the final minute
of the match, Apollo was on the mat looking up at the lights and then a big
shadow overtook him and Redbeard dropped a huge leg drop. Maximillian made the cover and got the 3
count seconds before the time limit was set to expire. Redbeard gets the win and the fans pop for
him. (20 min)
“Apollo was
robbed! That overgrown tree trunk
cheated. Apollo was trying to apologize
and that big goof disregarded it” Dash exclaimed. “Give me a break Dash” J9 interrupted.
Backstage, Texas
Wildfire is being interviewed. “I know I
lost at the PPV and with that went any other shot at the belt while the phony
King Wicked Prophet still holds that belt.
I may not be able to challenge him for the belt again but mark my words,
I will get a match again soon.” Wildfire
walks off and behind the curtain, we see a shadow moving. Hmmm.
We head back to
the ring and Madman Mason comes out first.
He is booed as he makes his way to the ring. He gets in and mocks the fans getting them
riled up. Music changes and out comes Texas
Wildfire. “Listen to that crowd Dash” J9
exclaims. Dash responds with “Ho
hum”. Wildfire makes his way to the ring
high fiving the fans along the way. He
gets into the ring where he is immediately attacked by Mason. Wildfire immediately fights back but just
then, Jack Lawson’s image appears on the Omegatron and Mason is confused. Wildfire turns the heat up and Mason just
can’t handle it. At the 8 minute mark,
Wildfire hits the Hangman’s clothesline and goes for the cover getting the
1-2-3. Texas Wildfire gets the win in
dominating fashion. J9 is ecstatic. “That is how you get things done. Wildfire style.” Dash responds with “Cheat, cheat,
cheat…that’s all these goodie two shoes know how to do. Given a fair shot, Mason would have had him
for lunch.” J9 shakes her head. “Dash,
how do you live with yourself?” Dash
smiles “I gotta be me.”
Backstage, the Masked
Banana is being interviewed. “You know,
the power of the Nana (and Nannie) will take me to great heights.” He is asked about the AA title “Oh, that, you
see, I left it at home today so technically, it’s not on the line when I take
on US Champion Rad Gumbo.” He is again
questioned about his being worthy to fight for the US title. “I said it once and I’ll say it again. The power of the Yellow will lead me on a
path to the Grape and there, I will achieve grapeness and fulfill my
destiny. If you want to see what I’ll do
tonight, watch this video.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wxij2asdwBk Banana walks off.
Our next match
begins with Col. Samuel Flagg and Matches Malone making their way out. They are booed heavily but neither seem to
care. They enter the ring. Dash speaks first “That Col. Flagg is a true
American Hero. Move over GI Bro.” He stands up “J9, stand up when a hero is
standing before you.” J9 doesn’t
budge. “Pass”. The music changes and out comes Davis ‘the
Hoff’ Hoffmeister and Drew the Canadian Love Machine. The fans explode with applause and J9 smiles
“THERE are our heroes. These guys are the
backbone of the company.” Dash wrinkles
his nose as if something unpleasant was in the air. “What a load of “(he gets bleeped out which
is hilarious). He sits down in a huff. Davis and Drew totally dominated their
opponents getting in easily 10 offensive moves to their opponents move. Matches Malone got taken out early and Flagg
had to handle the match on his own.
Davis and Drew took their turns demolishing Flagg. 10 minutes in, Drew is tagged in and he hits
Flagg with the Lover Bomb for a 2 count.
He came back and hit the La Casita.
With no one to make the save, Drew makes the cover and gets the easy two
count. The fans pop huge for their
favorites. Back at commentary, Dash was
grumbling under his breath. Davis and
Drew left and made their way to the back.
Matches finally recovered and slid in the ring to check in on his tag
partner. He helped Flagg to his feet
only for the Col to ambush Malone hitting a Patriotic Inverted Slam. He began stomping on Malone’s head until the
ref managed to break it up. Dash begins
bellowing at ringside. “HA! That traitor Malone got what he
deserved. Good for you Col.” Flagg
leaves in disgust and heads to the back.
The ref helped Malone to his feet and helped him backstage. (11 min for the match; 5 for the aftermath).
Backstage, Drew
and Davis are ambushed by the Smashers.
D&D fought them off until the backstage hands broke up the
fight. It looks like the Smashers are
escalating this feud. They better be
able to hold their own.
Our TV Title match
is up next. First, Ghee Buttersnaps
comes out to a decent pop from the crowd. Next, the TV Champion the Banker comes out
accompanied by his manager Ruth Heartless.
The duo are booed as they make their way to the ring. The Banker gets on the mic and after running
down Ghee, he turned his attention to the Flannel wearing lumberjack. “Jack Crack Lumber. What a goofy name. I guess it suits you, you Neanderthal. I exude confidence; you…well, I don’t know
what that odor is but it sure doesn’t smell right. HA HA.”
J9 comments “The Banker really is a rude, crude, dude.” Dash smiles “He’s right about one thing,
trees smell better than Flubber Lumber.”
Ghee took the match to the champ and actually dominated for almost the
whole match. It wasn’t until the end
that the Banker (with his managers’ influence) took back control. At the 19 minute mark, the Banker hits the
Credit Check Chop and rolled Ghee up (with a handful of tights) and got the
1-2-3. The Banker steals a win. He stands in the ring and holds his title
high still mocking Lumber until Jack comes out.
The fans pop as Lumber rushes down to the ring. He and the Banker brawl and Lumber drops him
with the Axe. The Banker rolls out of
the ring and Ruth helps him up. Jack
gets on the mic and tells the Banker he is cashing in his title shot at the
PPV. The fans pop again. Dash is
irate.” That lumbering lunatic…what does
he think he’s doing attacking a champion the caliber of the Banker?” J9 glares at Dash. “You are a bigger idiot than the Banker.” Dash looked astonished. “Well I never….”
We cut backstage
where Larry Morton is talking with Ladies Champion Catalina Harper. Catalina say that she takes on the little
hailstone. She says she defeated Maxine,
Violet and tons of the roster to make it to this point. In two weeks, she takes on the “who cares
Bella” and will walk away with her title intact as she heads into the PPV. She meows as she walks off.
We head back to
the ring for the next match. First,
Hayley Hailstone makes her way to booing from the crowd. Absent is her manager
Matt Preacher (not sure where he disappeared to). She flips off the fans as she
makes her way down to the ring. She gets
into the ring and continues to mock the fans.
Dash exclaims “The best wrestler in the business; hands down.” J9 look at him. “I think the current Ladies Champion will
have something to say about that.” “Ah
what does she know? She’s just an old
cat lady.” J9 adds “Who can kick your
you-know-what Dash.” The music changed
and then out comes the Ladies Champion Catalina Harper. She too is booed as she heads to the
ring. She ignores them and gets into the
ring. The title is not on the line in this match so Hayley needs a win if she
wants a future title match. The champ
took control early and dominated the challenger. Hayley got some good shots in and a near fall
after hitting the What the Hail but Catalina took back control. At the 17 minute mark, Hayley went for a
tornado DDT but Catalina reversed it and hit the Purr-fect storm. She went for the pin and got the 1-2-3. She has her armed raised in victory but that
victory is cut short when Violet Valkyrie ran out like a bullet to the ring and
began brawling with Catalina. Hayley was
on the outside of the ring laughing when Taylor Bella came in from the crowd and
she and Hayley began fighting all the way to the back. Catalina dropped Violet and then took
off. Violet recovered quickly and
followed. (17 min for the match; 5 for
the aftermath).
We head backstage with
Larry Morton and he is with the US Champion the Ragin Cajun Rad Gumbo. Gumbo says he doesn’t care if the Masked
Banana has his title on the line as he is not interested in that belt but he
will be retaining his title after the match.
When asked if he’s looking past the Masked Banana and to the next fight
against Apollo and he replies “Mon Ami, I don’t care about either of dem. I want dat phony King Wicked Prophet. Let me tell you something...from one King
(former) to another…your belt AND crown…will be mine.” Gumbo walks off.
It’s time for our
main event. First, the music plays and
out comes the Anytime/Anywhere Champion the Masked Banana. While the music plays, Dash sits behind the
commentary desk shaking his head “That yellow goof. ‘oh I want to be a grape…look at me…I want to
be burple’…what a crock. And Gumbo better
watch himself calling out Prophet…he may get more than he bargains for.” J9 says “For once, there is one thing I agree
with you on…if you call out the World Champion and King of HCW, you better be
able to back it up.” After MB got into
the ring, the music changed and we hear “GUMBO 7:30 MEANS ITS SUPPA TIME,
BITCH!” and out comes the US Champion the Ragin Cajun Rad Gumbo. Gumbo comes out with his manager Ms.
Alexandria. Gumbo gets a nice pop from
the crowd as he makes his way to the ring.
He gets in and removes his title holding it high. The fans pop and even the Masked Banana
clapped his hands for the champ. Gumbo
hands his title to the ref and the bell rings starting this one off. Gumbo controlled the match until about half
way and MB turned up the heat on the champ.
Both men got in some really good shots but each managed to kick out of
pin attempts. 16 minutes into the match,
Gumbo locked in a French Quarter Nelson (a rest hold) and MB rested a little
too long and Gumbo turned it right into a pin and got the 3 count. Rad Gumbo gets the win. The ref hands Gumbo his title and he holds it
high as the fans pop for him. Masked
Banana walks over and extends his hand.
Gumbo contemplates and then shakes it.
Just then, Apollo Gyze hits the ring and knocks the Masked Banana out of
the ring before attacking Gumbo. The two
begin fighting and Masked Banana gets back in the ring to help make a save but
he is attacked by Tommy Lighting. All 4
men are fighting in the ring and MB hurls Tommy over the top rope to the
floor. Rad hits Apollo with the Where ya
at (quick jabs) and Apollo falls through the ropes to the floor. Just then, GM Master Bull comes out and says
that at our next show, Rad Gumbo will be teaming up with the Masked Banana and
they will take on Apollo Gyze and Tommy Lightning. The fans pop as Apollo and Tommy glare at
their opponents from the outside of the ring.
The show then comes to an end.
Editor’s
note: Due to the widespread pandemic of
the Coronavirus, HCW will be holding its next two weeks’ worth of shows in
empty arenas. This includes the Saturday
Night Showdown on 3/21. We will still be
there to call the action. Stay tuned.
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