Hello fans and welcome back to our newsletter. We are coming to you from Cheyene, WY. The show begins with Master Bull on the
entrance ramp.
“Welcome everyone to the show. We
have a great line up for you but wanted to drop a bombshell on you. I am
choosing tonight to announce that I have finalized my team to take on Hogan’s
Cocoa Puffs.” At that point, out comes
Hulk Hogan. “Just a minute,
Brother. Team Franks N Beans will not be
announced first. Team Hogan, the only team that matters, will be announced
first. BUT, I want to make one thing perfectly
clear. If somehow you pull out of this
with a win, you can NOT hold anything against my team. Just as I would not hold your team liable for
the stupidity of their team captain…BROTHER.”
Master Bull gets in his face. “Listen
you roided Cocoa Puff, this is something you will not win. With the team I’ve assembled, you’ll have no
chance in hell. My team is as
follows: Mr. Ken Anderson, The Jamacian
wonder Kofi Kingston, Rapper extrodinaire R-Truth, the master of the zig-zag
Dolph Ziggler and Mr. Comedy himself Eric Young. What do you have Captain Puff?” Hogan
nods. “That’s a pretty good team you got
there Beannie Weenie. Team Hogan will
have the World’s strongest Man Mark Henry, the bad-ass Hernandez and the insane
Abyss. But wait, you say that it’s only
3. I’m glad you can count. My final two entrants will be announced at
Wrestlemania. We will see you there,
BROTHER.” Master Bull followed up with “Team
Master Bull will do me proud when Hogan’s Cocoa Puffs are put to pasture. Without further ado, let’s get on with the
show.
The first match of the night is Cactus Jackie taking on Alicia Fox. As a reminder, Jackie needs to win her next 2
matches in order to proceed to Wrestlemania. This match was definitely in her
favor as Alicia underestimated her challenger.
In 5 quick minutes, Jackie locks Fox in the Desert Stretch and Alicia
taps out. Jackie gets another win. All of a sudden, Master Bull comes out and
says that Jackie isn’t getting off that easy.
He says that there is only one final match. If Jackie loses this one,
she will be out on the street. Jackie
gets on the mic “Hey Bull-oney, you want me to fight again, send me your
best. When I win, I am going to challenge
Gail Kim for the Women’s Title. I will
go to Wrestlemania so let’s get this started.”
Out comes former Women’s Champion Layla El. Jackie’s face goes white. Oh crap.
Layla makes her way to the ring.
She gets into Jackie’s face and tells her the unemployment line is
looking for a few good women. The bell
rings and Layla goes to town. Jackie
just can’t keep up with the former champ.
At 13 minutes in, Layla charges and Jackie ducks pulling the top rope
down. Layla goes sailing over the top and
crashing to the floor. The ref counts
and reaches 10. Cactus Jackie secures
her 3rd win and is going to Wrestlemania to fight for the
title. Hulk Hogan comes out and
congratulates CJ on her win. “You’re going to Wrestlemania, congratulations. There is a great future for you here.” Jackie is beaming and leaves to some fanfare.
VamChango (El
Chango and Senor Vampiro) come out for their Day 2 of Drag vs Robbie E and Rob
Terry. The Rob’s make fun of the “drag
queens”. The match goes a full 30
minutes and prompts Master Bull to come out.
Bull states that these two teams will meet at Wrestlemania and one of
them will be going on to receive a World Tag Team title shot also taking place
at Wrestlemania. The Rob’s attack
VamChango but they quickly get the upper hand and Robbie and Rob bail faster
than a speeding bullet.
Batista comes
out demanding a main event match at Wrestlemania. He complains that no titles are available for
him to take. Batista tells the 2 GM’s that
he wants an main event match at Wrestlemania and an opponent that will be equal
to none. John Cena comes out and tells Dave
that if he wants a main event opponent, he needs to look no further. Hulk Hogan comes out and makes the match.
We get to delve
further into the investigation into Wam Bam Arsonist’s (Rocky Lapetus) past. It turns out that he got roped into some
questionable activity. Rocky is
approached by the FBI and he becomes an informant; eventually turning states
evidence against a major crime syndicate.
Rocky goes into witness protection eventually taking on the guise of Wam
Bam Arsonist, lead singer of the “band”.
It seems that the “creative differences” that split up the band was a
ruse. It seems that Wam was found by the
syndicate he turned in and needed to go back undercover. I guess he got tired of hiding and decided to
take his life back by becoming part of the CSWA and the HWF. Wam still claims issues with both the Pick
and the Axe but we’re not really sure anymore.
Out next is the
Undisputed Champion Kane “lowering” himself to fight non-champions. His opponent, is a champion of sorts – in fact,
he was an Olympic Gold medalist. His
opponent is none other than Kurt Angle.
The match is a short one as 6 minutes into the match, Kane decides to
leave. After the ref officially counts
Kane out, out comes Brock Lesnar. He
begins brawling with Kane and is eventually joined by the Undertaker. The three men brawl until the refs come out
to break it up.
The main event
is Bully Ray vs Bobby Lashley. The match
is set up as a no-countout battle. The
battle is favoring Bully Ray the entire match but at 20 minutes in, out comes
Rey Mysterio. Bully Ray is
flabbergasted. He turns around and Bobby
hits the Dominator. Bobby makes the
cover and gets the 1-2-3. Rey runs down
and begins stomping on Bully until he bails out of the ring. Bobby and Rey celebrate in the ring to end
the show.
Thanks for
reading. Wrestlemania will be here
before you know it. Stay tuned.
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