Hello fans and
welcome to another installment of HCW’s wrestling newsletter. Tonight, Critical Mass is in day 2 of our
huge Pay Per View. In a recap of
yesterday’s event:
The 5th
Column defeated the Snake Pit
Maximillian
Redbeard and Superquake Ferguson defeated Shawn ‘Abs of Stone’ Austin and
Perfect Pecs Stoddard in a falls count anywhere match
Nix Anderson
defeated the Axe
Apollo Gyze
retained the Hardcore title against the Wicked Prophet
Drew the Canadian
Love Machine defeated Davis Hoffmeister to become the NEW TV champion
Violet Valkyrie
defeated Ruby Rose to become the NEW Ladies Champion.
When asked what
their plan was after winning the titles, Drew the Canadian Love Machine said he
was trading in his old ‘love machine’ and buying a Tesla 3. Violet Valkyrie was not so extravagant as she
opted for a trip to Disneyworld.
It will be
interesting to see what unfolds in today’s show. Kicking things off will be an all-men battle
royal to see who will go on to meet Anthony ‘Static’ Boom tomorrow for the US
title. Also on the show today:
Texas Wildfire vs
Matches Malone
Hayley Hailstone
& Tempest Fortune vs Vanilla Zombie & Maxine DeVito
6 Man tag team
title match: Steel Curtain & Biceps
Bannerman vs the Smashers & Tommy Lightning
Main Event: World Tag Team Title match: Scooter J & TNT vs Angry Jack Lawson
& Mean Jack Mason
Pyro goes off and
our show begins with the battle royal.
Only those wrestlers on tonight’s show and the champions from last night
are not on the card. As the wrestlers
begin to file out to the ring, the camera goes backstage and we see Hardcore
Champion Apollo Gyze driving a forklift.
He gets yelled at for not being authorized for driving it and is told to
shut it off. He inches forward just a
bit more before turning off the machine and then walks off. The camera zooms in and we see he parked it
in front of a door. The name on the
door…The Wicked Prophet. The door tries
to open but it is blocked. A voice yells
from behind the door but no one is around (plus Apollo walked off with the
keys). The bastard.
The wrestlers all
make it out to the ring and the action begins.
"Bad News"
Marvin Barnes was
eliminated by Adam Jameson with SINGLE LEG TAKE DOWN - Throw Out Of Ring after 4 minutes
"Red Hot" Lucas Johnston was
eliminated by Bishop Ripley with ENZUIGURI - Throw Out Of Ring after 4 minutesJesse California was eliminated by Baron Von Blood (Reinhardt Schmitt) with GAS CHAMBER (MODIFIED SLEEPER) - Throw Out Of Ring after 3 minutes
Karl Braun was eliminated by Muscles McGuire with HURRICANRANA - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Outback Oscar was eliminated by Otto Ruthless with SWINGING NECKBREAKER - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Dr. Red Fang was eliminated by "The Ragin Cajun" Rad Gumbo with ROPES - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Magnum Kone was eliminated by Leiton Snake with DIVING SOMERSAULT NECKBREAKER - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
The Masked Man makes his way down to the ring but remains on the outside watching.
Ovaltine Jackson was eliminated by Nix Anderson with THE NIX STRUT - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Roderick Rothchild was eliminated by Muscles Thorpe with RUNNING SPLASH - Throw Out Of Ring after 5 minutes
Bob "Powder" Keg was eliminated by Butch Huber with SPINNING SIDE SLAM - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Superquake Ferguson was eliminated by Regulator Mule with BOOT TO FACE - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Superstar Chic Monroe was eliminated by Talon McFrost with THE YUKON CLOVERLEAF - Throw Out Of Ring after 3 minutes
Oswald Zimmerman (The Iron Cross) was eliminated by Muscles Thorpe with OVERHEAD SUPLEX - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Tobias Snake was eliminated by Wilber Townsend with LIFTING SIDESLAM - Throw Out Of Ring after 5 minutes
Regulator Mammoth was eliminated by Shawn 'Abs of Stone' Austin with INVERTED DDT - Throw Out Of Ring after 3 minutes
Wendell Hammerschmidt was eliminated by The Crocodile Hunter with VERTICAL DROP DDT - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Otto Ruthless was eliminated by Mountain Man Junior Huber with MILITARY PRESS DROP - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Wilber Townsend was eliminated by The Axe with FOREARM UPPERCUT - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Regulator Mule was eliminated by Travis 'Dark Storm' Ryzing with DARK STORM RYZING - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Talon McFrost was eliminated by Leiton Snake with ENZUIGIRI - Throw Out Of Ring after 4 minutes
Ivan Dragovich was eliminated by Leiton Snake with ROPES - Throw Out Of Ring after 4 minutes
Ice Dagger was eliminated by Leiton Snake with CURB STOMP - Throw Out Of Ring after 3 minutes
Baron Von Blood (Reinhardt Schmitt) was eliminated by Leiton Snake with BUCKLE BOMB - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Travis 'Dark Storm' Ryzing was eliminated by Leiton Snake with ROPES - Throw Out Of Ring after 1 minutes
Adam Jameson was eliminated by Leiton Snake with PEDIGREE FACEBUSTER - Throw Out Of Ring after 3 minutes
Bishop Ripley was eliminated by Leiton Snake with DIVING SOMERSAULT NECKBREAKER - Throw Out Of Ring after 3 minutes
Leiton Snake was eliminated by Butch Huber with SPINNING SIDE SLAM - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Niven Snake was eliminated by Terra Ryzing with POSE FOR THE FANS - Throw Out Of Ring after 6 minutes
Billy Robbins was eliminated by "Big Money" Nathan Edward 'Ned' Rhyerson III with ELBOW SMASH - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Muscles McGuire was eliminated by Butch Huber with DISCUS LARIAT - Throw Out Of Ring after 4 minutes
Muscles Weasley was eliminated by Ferb Huber with GATOR ROLL - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Ferb Huber was eliminated by The Crocodile Hunter with ANKLE LOCK - Throw Out Of Ring after 3 minutes
Perfect Pecs Stoddard was eliminated by Butch Huber with EUROPEAN UPPERCUT - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Just then, we hear some music play and the spotlights begin lighting up the rafters and we see…hey… it’s the Caped Crusader (for those who may not know, the Caped Crusader looks just like the ‘Adam West’ Batman) . He repels down to the ring to a pop from the crowd. The Caped Crusader begins to point at all the heels in the ring and begins to scold them telling them that they need to turn over a new leaf. Just then, Ned Rhyerson III rushes over and begins pummeling the Caped Crusader before hurling him over the top rope. He starts to laugh until…
"Big Money" Nathan Edward 'Ned' Rhyerson III was eliminated by Butch Huber with SPINNING SIDE SLAM - Throw Out Of Ring after 3 minutes
The Caped Crusader walks over and tells Ned that he should have listened. CC then looks to the ceiling and hooks a wire to himself and he begins to zip back up to the rafters. Thanks Caped Crusader!
Muscles Thorpe was eliminated by Mountain Man Junior Huber with LIFTING ARM TRIANGLE CHOKE - Throw Out Of Ring after 3 minutes
Mountain Man Junior Huber was eliminated by Butch Huber with DISCUS LARIAT - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Butch Huber was eliminated by The Crocodile Hunter with SHEERDROP BRAINBUSTER - Throw Out Of Ring after 3 minutes and an assist by Junior Huber from the outside
Terra Ryzing was eliminated by Shawn 'Abs of Stone' Austin with NECKBREAKER - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Shawn 'Abs of Stone' Austin was eliminated by The Crocodile Hunter with BODYSLAM - Throw Out Of Ring after 3 minutes
The Axe was eliminated by The Crocodile Hunter with BODYSLAM - Throw Out Of Ring after 3 minutes
The Crocodile Hunter was eliminated by Nix Anderson with THE NIX STRUT - Throw Out Of Ring after 4 minutes
"The Ragin Cajun" Rad Gumbo was eliminated by Davis "the Hoff" Hoffmeister with THROW OUT OF RING after 1 minutes
Maximillian Redbeard was eliminated by Davis "the Hoff" Hoffmeister with HOLLYWOOD CLUTCH (CAMEL) - Throw Out Of Ring after 1 minutes
Davis "the Hoff" Hoffmeister was eliminated by Nix Anderson with SWINGING NECKBREAKER - Throw Out Of Ring after 2 minutes
Nix Anderson was eliminated by The Masked Man with Hurl out of Ring after 19 minutes
The Masked Man wins the Battle Royal!! The Masked man gets on the mic and introduces his new manager – ‘The Singapore Sensation’ Matt Preacher. Preacher calls out GM Max McGillicutty and demands the contract for the title match tomorrow. Max comes out but he tells the masked man that no unknown characters are going to be allowed to fight for the title. Preacher begins to complain but the masked man steps in. He says that he, at the advice of his new manager, took out Leon and it’s nothing personal, just business. Max demands he removes his mask before he will be granted the title shot and it’s…the Wicked Prophet. WHAT!!!!!!! The fans are shocked and the Wicked Prophet leaves with his new manager. Prophet takes his contract and leaves with Preacher while the fans look on in total shock.
Wow, that was a hell of a surprise. It’s hard to believe that the Wicked Prophet has aligned himself with Matt Preacher. We hope he has a reason for his change of attitude.
We head backstage where Clarkus Kentus is with Matches Malone. Malone flicks matchsticks at both the cameraman and Clarkus. Malone says that he’s going to embarrass Wildfire tonight and he’ll be nothing more than a smoldering ember.
Over with Larry Morton is Texas Wildfire. The fans pop as he walks into shot. Wildfire says that Malone is nothing more than a bully and once he’s done with him, another mouth will be shut.
Pyro goes off and our first singles match of the night is ready to go. Matches Malone comes out to booing from the crowd. He begins flicking matchsticks at the fans and smirks as he makes his way to the ring. He gets in and begins to taunt the fans. The music changes and the fans pop huge as Texas Wildfire makes his way out. He interacts with the fans as he makes his way to the ring; never taking his eyes off of Malone. He gets into the ring and begins to climb one of the turnbuckles but Malone runs over and yanks him off the turnbuckle and he lands on the mat. Wildfire gets up and goes after Matches but Malone bails out of the ring. He hangs out on the outside even after the bell is rung but finally gets into the ring so the match can start. The two fought tooth and nail but it was Malone who had the upper hand. Wildfire got a near fall after hitting a DDT but Malone got his foot on the bottom rope at the last moment. At one point, Malone hit a turnbuckle smash on Wildfire but Wildfire reciprocated doing the exact same move on Malone and Matches acted like his head was going to fall off his shoulders. Wildfire then took control of the match demolishing Matches. At the 19 minute mark, Wildfire hit a superplex from the top rope. It took a moment but he finally made the cover but Malone somehow got his shoulder up at the last second. TW picked Malone up and called for a DDT but Malone threw him out of the ring. Malone followed him out and pulled out a pair of handcuffs and locked TW to the ringside barrier. TW was trapped. Malone rolled back in and stood back as a helpless Wildfire got counted out. Malone robs TW of a victory tonight and he laughs as Wildfire can only look on. Malone leaves while the ref tries to get him free. Once free from the handcuff, TW heads to the back. (20 min)
We go backstage with Larry Morton and he is with Hayley Hailstone and Tempest Fortune. Hayley says she is happy to be on the grand stage and couldn’t think of a better partner than Tempest. Tempest calls Hayley an uncrowned champion and says good things will happen for her. Tempest says that Vanilla Zombie and Maxine DeVito think they’re all that but tonight, she and Hayley show why they will be the better team. Hayley smiles and says good things come to those who wait.
Clarkus Kentus is with Vanilla Zombie, Maxine DeVito and ‘the Singapore Sensation’ Matt Preacher. Preacher said the world has been turned on its ear with him signing Apollo Gyze and (much to the fans dismay) the Wicked Prophet. Preacher says that those goody two shoes will never amount to a hill of beans and it will be Vanilla and Maxine that will be the future of the sport.
Our next match is ready to go and Hayley Hailstone and Tempest Fortune come out to a loud pop from the crowd. They shake hands with the fans as they make their way down to ringside. They get in the ring and begin psyching up the crowd until the music changed and out comes ‘the Singapore Sensation’ Matt Preacher and he introduces Vanilla Zombie and ‘Sassy’ Maxine DeVito. The two ladies come out and the fans go sour on them. Maxine glares at (the stupidity of) the fans and she and Vanilla walk down to the ring with Preacher following behind. The ladies get in the ring and Maxine starts mouthing off to Hayley. Hayley slugs Maxine knocking her from the ring. Vanilla stands there with her head cocked staring at Tempest (in a creepy way). Preacher leaves the ring and the bell rings starting this one off. Maxine runs to the other side of the ring and pulls Tempest off the apron. The two slug it out while the match takes place in the ring.
===== In the 1st minute of the match: =====
Hayley
Hailstone (f) executes a ROUNDHOUSE KICK....
Vanilla
Zombie (f) absorbs the punishment.
=====
In the 2nd minute of the match: =====
Vanilla
Zombie (f) executes a ATOMIC DROP....
Hayley
Hailstone (f) executes a LIFTING REVERSE S.T.O.....
=====
In the 3rd minute of the match: =====
Hayley
Hailstone (f) executes a LOVELACE CHOKER NECKBREAKER....
Vanilla
Zombie (f) absorbs the punishment.
=====
In the 4th minute of the match: =====
Vanilla
Zombie (f) executes a VERTICAL SUPLEX....
Hayley
Hailstone (f) executes a TORNADO D.D.T.....
=====
In the 5th minute of the match: =====
Vanilla
Zombie (f) executes a HEADBUTT....
Hayley
Hailstone (f) executes a FLIRTING WITH DANGER KNEE....
Hayley
Hailstone (f) tags out to Tempest Fortune (f)
=====
In the 6th minute of the match: =====
Vanilla
Zombie (f) executes a VERTICAL SUPLEX....
Tempest
Fortune (f) executes a SPINNING HEEL KICK....
Tempest
Fortune (f) tags out to Hayley Hailstone (f) and then goes back to brawling
with Maxine
=====
In the 7th minute of the match: =====
Hayley
Hailstone (f) executes a DEATH VALLEY DRIVER....
Vanilla
Zombie (f) absorbs the punishment.
Hayley
Hailstone (f) is attempting a pin!!!
1...2...3
Vanilla
Zombie (f) was pinned by Hayley Hailstone (f)!!!
Hayley Hailstone (f) wins with a DEATH VALLEY DRIVER over Vanilla Zombie (f)!!!
Maxine pulls Vanilla out of the ring and they head to the back. Preacher is speechless and follows them asking “What the hell just happened?” (7 min)
Larry Morton is joined backstage by Tommy Lighting and the Smashers. Tommy says that the Steel Curtain and Biceps Bannerman have been making them look like fools long enough and tonight, when they take the 6 Man titles, they will be the ones laughing last.
Clarkus Kentus is with the 6 Man Tag Team Champions the Steel Curtain and Biceps Bannerman. Biceps calls Tommy a crybaby for not getting what he feels the universe owes him. Starbuck Steel says that he and Buzz had singles matches on Monday but they are much better as a tag team for sure. Buzz laughs and says “Fo Sho”. Buzz says that he’s surprised the Smashers have put up with Tommy’s crap this long and it’s only a matter of time before they turn on him. Starbuck adds that they are not giving up the titles until a team worthy enough comes along but he knows it’s not their opponents tonight. Buzz and Biceps lean in and say “Word” and the three of them head to the ring.
Tommy Lightning and the Smashers come out to booing from the crowd. All three flip off the fans which only incites them all the more. They get into the ring and mock the fans drawing more and more heat. The fans do a 180 and pop huge as the champs the Steel Curtain and Biceps Bannerman make their way out to the ring. They take time to shake hands with the fans and make their way down to the ring. The Smasher act like they want to attack but its Tommy who holds them back. Buzz looks at him suspiciously. The bell rings and the match is a go. For the first 12 minutes of the match, the teams were pretty even but after that point, Tommy got injured and became a non-factor for the next 5 minutes. All 6 men took turns beating the hell out of each other but it was the champs who owned the match till its end. As the time limit ran out, it was apparent that there wasn’t going to be a pin attempt so the champs took turns beating the snot out of Tommy. Tommy locked Buzz up with a headlock on Buzz but Buzz nailed the Buzzer. He tagged out to Starbuck who got locked up in his own headlock but he tagged right out to Biceps. Tommy locked him up too with a headlock but Biceps dropped him with a Full Nelson & Slam. The bell then rang bringing this one to a time limit draw. The Smashers pulled Tommy from the ring and limped to the back. The champs retain their belts via a draw decision. They stayed and interacted with the fans before leaving. (30 min time limit draw)
We have one match left on the card and it is our main event for the evening. Before we head to the ring, Clarkus Kentus introduces the challengers – Mean Jack Mason and Angry Jack Lawson. Mean Jack says that Scooter J and TNT had a good laugh at their expense and asked Clarkus if they have a secret desire to dress in drag. Angry Jack (who is angry all the time) says he wants to go to the ring and beat the living hell out of them. Mean Jack agrees and the two head to the ring.
Larry Morton introduces the Tag Team Champions Scooter J and TNT. Scooter J laughs wondering if the Jack’s got their feelings hurt. TNT says that it’s not only their feelings that will be hurt. He says that they have been successful in defending the belts and the Jacks will only be a stepping stone for them. Scooter J goes all serious and says that the Jacks get this one shot and they better make it count but it won’t matter as they, as the champs, “have this”. The champs head to the ring.
It’s time for our main event. First, the Jacks comes out and the booing they get is really loud. To make matters worse, they grab signs from the fans (random) and begin tearing them apart and throwing the pieces into the crowd. They laugh. They get in the ring and remove their jackets and await their opponents. The music changes and out comes the World Tag Team champions Scooter J and TNT. They high five with the fans and then make their way to the ring but stop short of entering. Scooter J and TNT each grab a chair and enter the ring armed. The Jacks bail. Scooter J and TNT each took turns climbing separate turnbuckles to pops from the fans and the other stood guard to ensure no sneak attacks happened. They got rid of the chairs and handed the belts to the ref. The Jacks re-entered the ring and this one is ready to go. The ref announces that the match will have a 60 minute time limit. For the first part of the match, both teams held the advantage at times with one gaining the upper hand (normally by some illegal move from both teams). About 11 minutes in, the champs were going strong until Scooter J and TNT were taken out of the ring and both got introduced the hard way into the steel posts. Both men were bloodied up. That didn’t hold them down for long though as a superkick from Scooter J to Mean Jack who was on the apron sent him flying and crashing through the Spanish announce table. They held the advantage until 38 minutes into the match when both Jacks (by now are bloodied also) hit low blows on SJ and TNT (the ref got bumped and didn’t see it). The ref got back to his feet.
=====
In the 38th minute of the match: ====
Angry Jack
Lawson executes a ANGRY CHOKESLAM.... He does not make a cover.
=====
In the 39th minute of the match: =====
Mean Jack
Mason executes a OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX....
Angry Jack
Lawson executes a SHOVE DOWN....
TNT
(Templeton N. Townsend) absorbs the punishment.
Double
teaming ends.
=====
In the 40th minute of the match: =====
TNT
(Templeton N. Townsend) executes a VICIOUS EYE RAKE....
Angry Jack
Lawson executes a STAND ON THROAT....
=====
In the 41st minute of the match: =====
Angry Jack
Lawson executes a RAM INTO RINGPOST....TNT is wearing the crimson mask now.
TNT
(Templeton N. Townsend) attempts to defend against RAM INTO RINGPOST but is
unsuccessful.
Angry
Jack Lawson is attempting a pin!!!
1...
TNT
(Templeton N. Townsend) kicks out of the pin!
=====
In the 42nd minute of the match: =====
Mean Jack
Mason rushes over and hits a clothesline on Scooter J taking them both out to
the floor.
Angry Jack
Lawson executes a ANGRY CHOKESLAM....
TNT
(Templeton N. Townsend) attempts to defend against ANGRY CHOKESLAM but is
unsuccessful.
Angry
Jack Lawson is attempting a pin!!!
1...2...3
TNT
(Templeton N. Townsend) was pinned by Angry Jack Lawson!!!
Angry
Jack Lawson wins with a ANGRY CHOKESLAM over TNT (Templeton N. Townsend)!!!
HOLY CRAP! Angry Jack and Mean Jack have just become the NEW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! The fans are pissed. Mean Jack yells at the ref to give them their titles and to raise their arms in victory. The fans get so riled up they being throwing stuff at them in the ring and garbage begins to pile up. They don’t care. They are the champs and they flip off the fans and leave as the show comes to an end.
Thank you for reading. Tomorrow is the final day of our PPV extravaganza and we don’t want you to miss out so stay tuned.
