Event Location; Portland, Moda Center - 9/8/21
We
are on the road! Hello fans and welcome
back
to another installment of the HCW newsletter! I am your host, James Lahey, filling in for
Max McGillicutty – while he is on vacation…. I should have
received my vacation, but apparently – enjoying a few drinks and
belligerently swearing/yelling at fans to control themselves is not
what is expected as the part-time head of HCW security and furthermore,
it is not what the board would classify as…. a
good example of “workplace team-leadership”. …I work as a
stand-in at a wrestling federation for a living – so, how far can I really
fall, ya know?
It’s
like a circus, but the “animals” are just a bunch of big dumb sweaty guys and
women in tight costumes. Where did the dignity go? Alas… – down the
drain like wasted youth, but I digress…. Are you filming? Oh, we’re
live? …$#*+, I thought we were doing the prep? Screw it, we
are gonna roll with it, we’re doing it LIVE! (HCW Audio intern:
“Somebody get the que cards, Jim’s drunk again!”)
On today’s episode: Tommy Lightning takes on Casper Wyoming. The Banker and Master Bull face off. The Bounty Hunter Jake Montrose and Outback Oscar, take care of things, the old fashioned way! Korbi Kong is feeling better, and supports a friend; Queen Goldie Locks accepts the challenge of Missy Chick. Dash Woodbrick and Dennis Marshall argue (what’s new?) All coming to you live!...
The
stage is set for our first match between Tommy Lightning and Casper Wyoming! The lights dim and
strobes ignite! Fog fills the stage as Tommy enters to
“Thunderstruck” but almost immediately cut-off and met with boos. Tommy
raises his hands in protest, as Casper
Wyoming makes his way into the HCW stadium, met by a large pop from
the fans! Tommy Lightning gets on the mic “Casper, you have been struntin’
around for too long, thinking you’re a prospect in this league,
you are a joke!” Casper smiles and retorts; “You walked out
to “Thunderstruck”, but the only thing about to get struck, is your head
against the mat. Tommy smiles and lunges at Casper and
deliveries a cheap-shot, and with that our match is underway! We join in,
at the twenty-four minute mark after a fairly
one-sided match, due to Tommy’s cheap shot on Casper-
===== In the 24th minute of the match: =====
Casper Wyoming rolled OC.
Tommy Lightning rolled OC.
Casper Wyoming executes a SUPERKICK....
Tommy Lightning executes a UNDERHOOK SUPLEX....
Casper Wyoming is attempting a pin!!!
1...
Tommy Lightning kicks out of the pin!
===== In the 25th minute of the match: =====
Casper Wyoming rolled DC
Tommy Lightning rolled DC
Both Men in rolled DC
Casper Wyoming rolled DC
Tommy Lightning rolled OC.
Tommy Lightning executes a SUNSET FLIP....
Casper Wyoming attempts to defend against SUNSET FLIP but is
unsuccessful.
===== In the 26th minute of the match: =====
Casper Wyoming rolled OC.
Tommy Lightning rolled OC/TT
Casper Wyoming executes a SUICIDE KING STOMP....
Tommy Lightning executes a DROPKICK....
Tommy Lightning is attempting a pin!!!
1...
Casper Wyoming kicks out of the pin!
===== In the 27th minute of the match: =====
Casper Wyoming rolled DC
Tommy Lightning rolled DC
Both Men in rolled DC
Casper Wyoming rolled DC
Tommy Lightning rolled OC.
Tommy Lightning executes a ELBOW SMASH....
Casper Wyoming absorbs the punishment.
Tommy Lightning is attempting a pin!!!
1...2...3
Casper Wyoming was pinned by Tommy Lightning!!!
Tommy Lightning wins with an ELBOW SMASH over Casper Wyoming!!!
The crowd
is shocked (no pun intended) and the fans boo Lightning out of the
ring, as Tommy walks away smiling, pumping his fists like a Van-Halen
Caveman (probably wearing a pair of these).
Those lighting pattern pants should have stayed in the 90’s Tommy…tisk tisk tisk. Meanwhile, medical staff help escort Casper out of the ring as fans clap on, in admiration. The HCW always hates seeing its prospects take a beating, but the fans do love to see a comeback!
Which
brings us to our second match (non-title) between Master
Bull and the Banker. Both men amp up the crowd as they make their way
to the Arena – Bull shakes the ground with minor quakes of force, as he
walks. Master Bull: “Banker, taking you
down is laughable to consider a challenge -
and you are definitely not worth your weight in gold, because that
would be a ton! But, I am looking forward to cashing-in this payday!” The Banker replies
angrily: “Are you blind? You are at least 100 pounds bigger than I
am!? Master of Bull is more like it, the only way I could see
more crap come out of someone’s mouth, is if there was
a man born backwards, having a backside for a face, to smile
with!”
And
with that pleasant exchange, both men take their corners, and
the fight is under way! We join in at the 24th minute marker
after a strong back-and-forth match-
===== In the 24th minute of the match: =====
The Banker rolled DC
Master Bull rolled OC/TT
Master Bull executes a ROMAN POWER PUNCH....
The Banker absorbs the punishment.
===== In the 25th minute of the match: =====
The Banker rolled OC.
Master Bull rolled DC
The Banker executes a CREDIT CHECK CHOP....
Master Bull attempts to defend against CREDIT CHECK CHOP but is
unsuccessful.
===== In the 26th minute of the match: =====
The Banker rolled DC
Master Bull rolled OC.
Master Bull executes a ROMAN POWER PUNCH....
The Banker attempts to defend against ROMAN POWER PUNCH but is
unsuccessful.
===== In the 27th minute of the match: =====
The Banker rolled OC.
Master Bull rolled OC.
The Banker executes a DEPOSIT DIVING DDT....
Master Bull executes a ROMAN POWERSLAM....
Master Bull is attempting a pin!!!
1...2...
The Banker kicks out of the pin!
===== In the 28th minute of the match: =====
The Banker rolled OC.
Master Bull rolled OC.
The Banker executes a DEPOSIT DIVING DDT....
Master Bull executes a COBRA CLUTCH....
===== In the 29th minute of the match: =====
The Banker rolled OC.
Master Bull rolled OC.
The Banker executes a DEPOSIT DIVING DDT....
Master Bull executes a ROMAN POWERBOMB....
Master Bull is attempting a pin!!!
1...2...3
The Banker was pinned by Master Bull!!!
Master Bull wins with a ROMAN POWERBOMB over The Banker!!!
Master Bull gets a
future TV title shot!!!
As
Ruth Heartless helps the Banker out of the ring, Master Bull gets a pop
from his fans and heads backstage to celebrate his recent victory! He
should be eager to get in front of the crowd next week for his TV title
shot!
Match
#3; Outback Oscar vs Jake the Bounty Hunter;
As
the chaos of our previous bout, settles – we can hear a snake whistle
and that old familiar cowboy tune (The Good, The Bad and The Ugly - Theme) as
we hear the spurs click of Jake Montrose, the bounty
hunter! Jake; “Howdy Folks, I heard there was a bounty on Outback
Oscars head and well… I came to collect on that, low-life, yellow-belly
Australian!”
GM
James Lahey comes out and commissions the fight (as he has been
looking to get Oscar a fight for a while). Oscar states
“Well, Digiredo and a fleet of a 100 COMBAT WOMBATS! I’ll take
the fight mate! Give ‘em an old crack on his crocker-pot, yeah?” And with that, both man step below
the ropes and our match is underway! We join the
action underway at the twenty-eight minute mark, as both men have
been dealing their fair share of pain!
===== In the 28th minute of the match: =====
"The Bounty Hunter" Jake Montrose rolled OC.
Outback Oscar rolled OC.
"The Bounty Hunter" Jake Montrose executes a ELBOW
DROP....
Outback Oscar executes a BACK ELBOW TO FACE....
===== In the 29th minute of the match: =====
"The Bounty Hunter" Jake Montrose rolled DC
Outback Oscar rolled DC
Both Men in rolled DC
"The Bounty Hunter" Jake Montrose rolled DC
Outback Oscar rolled OC.
Outback Oscar executes a SWINGING NECKBREAKER....
"The Bounty Hunter" Jake Montrose absorbs the
punishment.
Outback Oscar is attempting a pin!!!
1...
"The Bounty Hunter" Jake Montrose kicks out of the
pin!
===== In the 30th minute of the match: =====
"The Bounty Hunter" Jake Montrose rolled OC.
Outback Oscar rolled DC
"The Bounty Hunter" Jake Montrose executes a ELBOW
DROP....
Outback Oscar reverses ELBOW DROP!
Outback Oscar executes a KNEE DROP....
"The Bounty Hunter" Jake Montrose reverses KNEE
DROP!
"The Bounty Hunter" Jake Montrose executes a ELBOW
DROP....
Outback Oscar absorbs the punishment.
After 30 minutes, the match is declared a draw.
That
was a brutal fight and unfortunate, we were unable to see a victory here. Both
men will surely be hungry to get back in the ring, after that disappointing
result!
With
things, underway for our fourth match of the evening, our ladies match!
Queen Goldie Locks vs.
Missy Chick
Here
to help spectate our ladies match tonight is Korbi Kong! She makes her
way to the announcer’s table and sits down.
One of the announcers lean over and asks “Hey Korbi, you seem to have
recovered from those shots to the noggin, and not the fun type of shots!
How are things?” Korbi Kong responds “Oh, I am
feeling muuuch better nooowww!” (‘Night Court’ reference!)
“I am looking forward to seeing Goldie give Missy a run for her
money!” And with that Missy Chick makes her way into the ring waving to
the crowd, receiving a fair (negative) response back from the fans.
And here comes the crowd favorite Queen Goldie Locks, getting a big
pop and a few whistles from the crowd! Boy, the fans are sure excited to see
her, get back in the ring to throw down!
Queen Goldie Locks vs Missy Chick
===== In the 1st minute of the match: =====
Goldie Locks (f) rolled OC.
Missy Chick (f) rolled DC
Goldie Locks (f) executes a DOUBLE WRIST CLUTCH PIN....
Missy Chick (f) attempts to defend against DOUBLE WRIST CLUTCH PIN
but is unsuccessful.
===== In the 2nd minute of the match: =====
Goldie Locks (f) rolled OC.
Missy Chick (f) rolled OC.
Goldie Locks (f) executes a TILT-A-WHIRL HEADSCISSORS....
Missy Chick (f) executes a EXPLODER SUPLEX....
===== In the 3rd minute of the match: =====
Goldie Locks (f) rolled DC
Missy Chick (f) rolled DC
Both Men in rolled DC
Goldie Locks (f) rolled OC.
Missy Chick (f) rolled OC.
Goldie Locks (f) executes a LOCK BREAKER....
Missy Chick (f) executes a DIVING BACK ELBOW....
Goldie Locks (f) straps in the LOCK BREAKER.
Missy Chick (f) submits!!!
Queen Goldie Locks (f) wins with a LOCK BREAKER over Missy Chick
(f)!!!
Queen Goldie
pins Missy and the crowd erupts – popcorn is flying, lights are
flashing, children are screaming as they are being put in similar
“Lock breaker” holds by their overly enthusiastic parents. Some people
call it abuse, we here at the HCW like to call it family bonding!
With
all the excitement in the air, it takes the Moda Arena a few minutes
to settle down with all the buzz. James Lahey comes back out and says
that even though they are no longer a team, he feels two individuals should get
a rematch. He calls out Dash Woodbrick (booed by the
fans) and Dennis Marshall (huge pop) make their way out onto the
stage. Tonight, they are in line for a rematch for the World Tag Team
titles held by the Steel Curtain. Dash makes the argument
to James that if they win, the duo should get a raise, as they are
moving up in ranks – becoming the champions. Dennis has a “could have had a V8
moment” and gives himself a solid face-palm. “Why can’t this guy ever shut-up
and let me take the lead?” James Lahey replies they will receive no
such compensation, to which Dash retorts that there is no additional incentive
to step into the ring. Dash walks off in a huff (Dennis frowns, losing another
pay-day – Sad Dennis :() and calls over Otto Zimmerman and Baron Von
Blood, the 5th Column, who gladly accept the
challenge.
The
Steel Curtain – Buzz and Starbuck Steel – the World Tag Team Champions – make their
way out to the loudest pop of the night.
As soon as they entered the ring, the 5th Column attacked
starting this one off.
We
join the TAG-TEAM TITLE fight at
the twenty-six-minute mark: Otto Zimmerman has been taken
out by Starbuck Steel. We resume as Starbuck and Baron grapple, with Buzz
still able for a tag-in!
===== In the 26th minute of the match: =====
Starbuck Steel rolled OC.
Baron Von Blood (Reinhardt Schmitt) rolled DC
Starbuck Steel executes a THE BUCKINATOR....
Baron Von Blood (Reinhardt Schmitt) attempts to defend against THE
BUCKINATOR but is unsuccessful.
Starbuck Steel tags out to Buzz Steel
===== In the 27th minute of the match: =====
Buzz Steel rolled OC.
Baron Von Blood (Reinhardt Schmitt) rolled DC
Buzz Steel executes a GERMAN SUPLEX....
Baron Von Blood (Reinhardt Schmitt) absorbs the punishment.
===== In the 28th minute of the match: =====
Buzz Steel rolled OC.
Baron Von Blood (Reinhardt Schmitt) rolled DC
Buzz Steel executes a REVERSE NECKBREAKER ....
Baron Von Blood (Reinhardt Schmitt) absorbs the punishment.
===== In the 29th minute of the match: =====
Buzz Steel rolled OC/TT
Baron Von Blood (Reinhardt Schmitt) rolled OC.
Starbuck Steel, Buzz Steel double teaming for 1 rounds.
Starbuck Steel is a offensive (OC) double teamer.
Starbuck Steel executes a ROUND THE WORLD (4 TB'S)...
Into an offensive (OC) double teamer.
Starbuck sets up ROUND THE WORLD
Buzz Steel executes a FLYING KNEE SMASH....
Unable to Defend, Baron absorbs the punishment.
Starbuck and Buzz Steel, pin Baron von Blood
Buzz Steel wins via pin over Baron Von Blood!
The
crowd pops huge for the duo as they retain their Tag Team Title! The Steel
Curtain proudly display their belts as, they exit the arena, making their way
over to the fans. On-lookers still clapping, in appreciation for the
show! Wow, what an exciting and unexpected night with those matches!
Tune in next week, as Master Bull returns for his TV Title shot – and don’t
forget we have will have more action for you wrestling fanatics on our
next episode. Be sure to tune in next week to HCW!
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