HWF/CSWA Wrestling Newsletter 2013 04.02: Wrestlemania is HERE: Day1

Larry Morton: “Hello fans and welcome to our permier event called Wrestlemania.  I am Larry Morton and am joined by my partner in crime Clarkus Kentus.  We will be bringing you all the action as it transpires.” 

Clarkus Kentus: “Thanks Larry, Clarkus here and the place is just electric with excitement.  Look, there goes Jim Ross and Jesse Ventura down to do commenting for the online broadcast.  Also coming down is the fan known as Ravishing Raquel.  She is being escorted to her seat by two other legends – Rowdy Roddy Piper and Jimmy Superfly Snuka.  After getting Raquel settled in, Piper and Snuka had a little shoving match where Piper pulled out a plastic coconut and threw it at Snuka.  They laughed over it, embraced and then went to the back.” 
Larry Morton: “It’s great to see Legends still eligible to contribute to the sport.  Those two have given us lots of great matches in the past.  We have great performers on the roster today and we are sure many of them will be future Hall of Famers.”

Master Bull has also gone on record stating that he reserves the right to cancel, restart or change the match at any time during the event.

We immediately cut to the back where we see Mr. Meyers and Master Bull having a conversation.  We look around and do not see Wayne Tuttle anywhere.  All of a sudden, a cameraman catches someone trying to come in the back way through security.  The cameraman rushes over in time to see Wayne Tuttle trying to get in. “You have to let me in.  I am the General Manager of the HWF.”  “I’m sorry sir” said the guard, “but you’re not on the list.  I have a list of exceptions, see here…Jeff Meyers is CSWA GM and it says Master Bull for HWF GM.  You are not on the list so we can’t let you in.”  They Wayner took off in a huff (or maybe it was a minute and a huff)(sorry Marx brothers) and was forced to buy a ticket to the event from a scalper. 

Eventually he made his way backstage after one wrestler (Joe Jobber) vouched that he was the GM.  He approached Master Bull and asked what the heck was going on.  “Listen, you were never here.  I’m running the show.  In fact, all this paperwork you see here that YOU signed, gives me all managerial rights to everything that is related to the HWF.  So, since I am in charge, I’ll ask you to politely leave and go enjoy the show.”  Wayne looked to Jeff who just shrugged and then left. 

Jeff told Master Bull that he liked the way that was all handled and they finalized the paperwork that would give Master Bull GM ownership for 6 months of CSWA.  They shook on it and said that the show needs to get underway so it was time to get things started.

Pyro then goes off and the show has now officially begun.  As a reminder, there will be a few wrestlers who will have their careers on the line.  If they do not win, those all at risk include Booker T, Hulk Hogan, Cactus Jack, Nigel McGuinness, Taz, William Regal, Negronomicon and Superstar Billy Pearl.

Our first match of the night is led off by Booker T taking on Samoa Joe.  Joe starts with a running clothesline but Booker hits the Spinarooni. Book follows it up with a spinning smash but Joe locks in the rear naked choke for a submission attempt but Booker gets out.  Joe hits another running clothesline and Booker comes back with a dropkick.  Joe went for a running knee smash but Booker moved out of the way.  Both traded the same moves over and over without one getting the lead over the other.  The tide turned when Joe nailed Booker T with a running knee smash.  He went for the pin but Booker kicked out at 2.  Both men then collided and fell out of the ring.  Booker made it back in at 2 but it took a bit longer for Samoa Joe to get back in.  Booker went to the top and launched for a flying headbutt but Joe rolled out of the way.  Joe connected with a second running knee smash and Booker was out.  Joe made the cover and got the 1-2-3.  Samoa Joe gets the win and Booker T is now finished with active competition.  Both men shook hands as Booker got an ovation from the crowd as he left.

The second match was Hernandez taking on Jack Swagger.  This one was much shorter than the last as it went 9 minutes.  Jack Swagger had the lead for the majority of the match until he decided to showboat.  Hernandez then connected with a choke overhead suplex and a quick rollup for the win.  Swagger was not happy as Hernandez continued to taunt him as he headed towards the back.

 

Our first World title match was up with CM Punk taking on Christian for the CSWA World title.  This was an interesting match as Christian controlled the tempo but CM Punk didn’t fight back like we thought he would.  Christian started right off with a spinning backbreaker and a pin attempt but Punk kicked right out.  Christian then hit a falling DDT but got caught by the Punk-handle piledriver.  Punk then got in his face and just stared at him.  Punk tossed Christian to the outside but as soon as he was back in the ring, he hit a one man concerto for a 2 count.  Punk hits another Punk-handle piledriver and then tosses Christian out of the ring for a  6 count.  Punk hits an inverted frankensteiner but gets tossed out of the ring for his effort.  Punk goes for an inverted facelock neckbreaker but Christian reverses it and nails a dropkick for a 2 count.   Christian hits a flapjack but then gets tossed out of the ring (again).  Punk immediately locks in the Anaconda Vice but the champ won’t submit.  Christian goes for a  springboard plancha but Punk catches him and dumps him to the outside of the ring.  Christian looks to be hurt as he’s slow in getting up.  The ref hits 10 and declares Punk the winner of the match but does not award him the title. 

 

Next in the lineup is Chris Jericho taking on Antonio Cesaro.  Even though this match didn’t have much on the line, Master Bull decided that Jericho’s world title shot should be on the line.  This was a short 6 minute match that only saw Cesaro get in one offensive move.  After getting beat from pillar to post, Cesaro, after getting dumped to the outside, decided he’d had enough and walked out.  Jericho gets the win via countout and retains his spot.

 

The HWF title is on the line next with the Rock taking on Brock Lesnar.  Master Bull came out and said that he did not want another champion winning via countout (at least here, at Wrestlemania) so he added the stipulation that this would be a no-countout match.   This 9 minute battle saw the People’s Champ stand up to the monster. 

Rock started off with a  DDT that didn’t seem to faze Lesnar.  Brock came back with a  huge powerslam.  Rock hit another DDT and then the Rock Bottom.  He then went for a spinebuster but Lesnar just threw him off.  Rock hits a DDT and Lesnar hits the F-5 but didn’t go for a pin.  Rock looks to be hurt.  Lesnar picks him up but Rock was faking and hits a Belly to belly suplex.  Lesnar hits a Press Slam and goes for the pin but Rock kicks out at 1. A  huge power clothesline from the challenger is met with a spinebuster from Rock.  Rock then Laid the Smack down and went for a pin.  The ref counted 1…2…3.  Rock gets the win and retains the HWF World title.  Lesnar goes on a tear and dumps the Rock on the outside of the ring.  Rock tried to get back in but the officials held him back.  I doubt this is the last we’ll see from these two.

 

Out next was James Storm defending the IC title against Hulk Hogan.  Master Bull came out and said that this would be Hogan’s only shot….and he had to get it done in 10 minutes.  He also stated that he wanted a special guest ref for this match and said he’d pull a name out of a bag.  It was none other than Jimberg.  Jimberg came down and the bell rang. Hogan owned Storm.  That is all we can really say.  Hogan was beating on the Cowboy from pillar to post and even tossed him out of the ring.  Storm wanted to take off but Hogan chased him down and brought him back in just before the 10 count.  Using that as a distraction, Storm hits the Death Sentence on Hogan and with his feet on the ropes, got the 1-2-3 (maybe a tad fast)  just before the bell rang to signal the end of the match.  James Storm gets the win and retains the IC title.  Hogan is done with active competition.  Storm took off while Hulk shook some fans’ hands and then at the top of the ramp, did his signature poses and left.

 

In the back, the Mighty Casey was getting ready for his match.  He had “Barby” safe at his side.  It was intended for this match to take place within the confines of a barb wire cage but it got scrapped at the last minute and was turned into a Lights Out match.   Casey went to the ropes and Jack caught him with a bodyslam onto (not through) a table.  Casey nails an Avalanche drop and Cactus hits him with another bodyslam onto the table.  Casey hits a second Avalanche drop and then sets Cactus up on a table.  He goes to the top rope and hits a flying elbow smash.  Both men go through the table.  HOLY SH*T! chants were deafening.  Casey crawled over to make the cover and the ref counted 1….2…..3.  The Mighty Casey wins the match in just 4 minutes and is now the NEW MEDIA CHAMPION.  Jack then attacked Casey repeatedly hitting him with Barby until the blood was flowing.  Cactus should now be done and on Legend status. 

 

In the back, Casey was pleading with GM Master Bull to keep Cactus Jack on the roster but his reply was “Sorry, but the rules are the rules and even if I didn’t make them, I don’t really care to do anything about it.”  I guess that is that.

 

Ringside was getting cleaned up and then we saw more tables, some ladders and chairs brought down.  This could only mean that the Super Warrior/Nigel McGuinness match was up next.  Nigel starts off with a Tower of London cutter and a shoulder breaker before SW hits a Super Powerslam.  SW hits a one arm chokeslam and Nigel turns around and cold cocks the ref.  For the next 5 minutes, both men traded blow sometimes countering and reversing their opponents moves.  Nigel goes for a standing suplex but SW reverses it and locks in a cobra clutch.  Nigel is tapping but there is no ref.   Finally, he gets out.  Nigel battles back and does a moonsault through a table.  SW is picked back up but manages to knock Nigel out of the ring.  As he tries to get back in. SW knocks him out again.  Nigel then hits a Guvnor’s Crumpet Pedigree and goes for a pin but SW kicks out at 2.  Warrior tosses Nigel out again twice to give himself some recovery time.  Nigel hits a Tower of London cutter but only gets a 1 count.  Nigel then charged at SW in the corner but SW got out of the way and Nigel crashed into the turnbuckles.  SW nails a super powerbomb for a near 3 count.  SW then tosses Nigel to the outside and follows him.  He then delivers a nasty headsmash into the announce table.  He drops Nigel to the floor and makes the cover.  The ref hurries over and counts 1…2…3.  Super Warrior is the winner of this bout in 30 minutes.  Nigel is now out of a job.  The fans chant “Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, hey, hey, hey, good bye” and Nigel flips off the crowd and leaves.

 

Master Bull then came out and said that this next match would see one person lose their job.  Christopher Daniels and Kaz are teaming up to take on Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas.  Daniels starts off by being tossed out of the ring by Benjamin.  All of a sudden, Haas jumps in the ring and tosses Shelton from the ring.  He then hits a piledriver on Benjamin on the floor.  Shelton can’t make it back in before the 10 count so the Worlds Greatest Tag Team loses.  Master Bull comes out and says that Haas is a coward for attacking his partner in this way. He says he gives him an option…he can fight Shelton right here, right now or he can take a hike.  Benjamin gets back into the ring with anger flowing off of him.  Hass hightails it out of there and says he’s done.  Charlie Haas is out.
 

Next on our card is the Phenominal AJ Styles taking on the Viper Randy Orton.  During this match, Randy looked less like a Viper and more like a weasel.  AJ dominated the challenger until Randy got sneaky and after lulling AJ out of the ring, he ended up handcuffing him to the post.  AJ could not get loose so the ref makes it to 10 and counts AJ out.   AJ somehow manages to break the handcuff link and then chases Randy from the ring.

 

Our next match has John Cena defending the Western States Heritage title against Magnus.  Magnus starts off with the British Stomps and Cena hits the 5 knuckle shuffle.  He goes for a pin but Magnus kicks out.  Cena hits a knuckle jam and Magnus hits John with a sharp blow to the back. John doubles over and Magnus locks him in a sharpshooter.  John, in excruciating agony, taps.  OMG!  Magnus has just won the Western States Title. 

 

Next up was the team of Brodus Clay and Eric Young taking on Tensai and Taz.   This was an odd match as Taz kept tagging himself in.  He would refuse to tag out unless Tensai got lucky.  Each time Taz was in the ring beating down on their opponents (which was quite a bit), for some reason, he refused to go for the pin.  It was almost like he wanted to continue to torture his opponents.  Finally, the bell rang at 30 minutes and Tensai got into Taz’s face.  Taz pushed back and then EY, Brodus and Tensai teamed up to take out Taz.  Taz got dumped from the ring just as Master Bull came out and said that Taz was done. 

 

Next up was Damian Sandow challenging Jerry Lawler for his title shot.  Lawler’s in-ring career was also riding on this match.  Both men held their own for about the first 6 minutes of the match until Lawler took control with an abdominal stretch.  Sandow wouldn’t quit.  Lawler continued the barrage until Sandow came back with a spinning elbow drop.  He went for the pin but Jerry kicked out easily.  Lawler kicks Damian in the gut and then locks in the abdominal stretch. Again, Sandow didn’t quit.  Sandow came back with a swinging neckbreaker and that put an end to Lawler’s domination.  Damian hits knees to the midsection and followed it up with a Russian leg sweep.  He went for the pin but Jerry kicked out at 1. Damian hits a knee drop and goes for the pin but Jerry kicks out at 1.  Jerry tries for an armbar but it is reversed and turned into a swinging neckbreaker.  Damian goes for the pin but Jerry kicks out at 2.  Damian does the exact same thing, tries for the pin but Jerry kicks out. Damian then hits a spinning leg smash and followed it up with a Full nelson face smash and the finisher double arm neckbreaker.  He makes the cover and gets the 3.  Damian is the winner of the match.  Jerry walks over to shake his hand but gets kicked in the gut for his gesture.  Damian takes the King’s crown, puts it on his head and walks away.    

 

R-Truth and Santino were up next going against Wade Barrett and William Regal.  Barrett refused to tag out for the entire match.  Truth and Santino worked over Barrett while Regal looked on.  In the end, Santino got the win over Barrett with a Leg-Feed Enzuigiri.  After the match, Barrett confronted Regal for not coming in for the save and got pummeled.   Barrett took Regal out of the ring and threw him into the ring post.   He then laid Regal’s arm on the steel steps and with the swing of a chair, dislocated Regal’s arm.  Barrett left with his arms raised while Regal was helped to the back.  After getting checked out by the doctors, it was determined he had a nasty concussion from kissing the ringpost and with his dislocated arm, his in-ring career was over.  Master Bull came over and said that Regal was done.

 

Our third to last match of the night has Mr. Ken Anderson taking on Dean Ambrose.  This one saw the third member of the Shield taking on Misssssttteeeeerrrrrrrr…it didn’t finish due to Ambrose attacking him before the bell.  The two of them brawled down to the ring and proceeded to have a duel.  Both men took the lead throughout the match but no one really got a solid lead over the other.  This led to lots of false finishes (4 pin attempts by Ambrose compared to 2 by Anderson).  This ended up going to the time limit and it still took 2 minutes for officials to finally separate the two.  I’d expect a rematch to be in their future.

 

In the first of two main events tonight, CSWA World Champion Christian took on HWF Champion the Rock for the right to go on to meet RVD for the Undisputed title tomorrow night.  Master Bull made this a no time limit/no DQ match; there must be a true winner.  Christian began with a European uppercut and Rock tossed him out of the ring.  Christian hits an inverted facelock backbreaker and Rock hits a spinebuster.  Christian hits a falling inverted DDT and Rock pops up and hits a DDT of his own.  Christian with an inverted backbreaker then Rock breaks out the Smackdown and lays it on Christian. Rock hits a Belly to Belly suplex and Christian connects with a tornado DDT.  Rock is up and nails his own DDT.  Christian hits a springboard plancha and when he tries for a second one, he hops right into a spinebuster.  Christian goes for the Unprettier but Rock escapes.  Christian hits a dropkick but Rock connects with the Rock Bottom.  He goes for the pin but only gets a 2 count.  Christian goes for another springboard plancha but Rock gets out of the way.  Christian goes for another inverted DDT but Rocky neutralizes it.  Christian hits a European uppercut but Rock gets him in the Sharpshooter.  Christian does not submit as he is able to make it to the ropes.  Christian does the uppercut again and Rock locks in the Sharpshooter again.  Christian again makes it to the ropes.  Christian hits the Unprettier but is only able to get a 1 count.  Christian hits another Unprettier and follows it up with a springboard plancha.  Rock goes to lay the smackdown but Christian nullifies it..  Rock hits a spinebuster but Christian manages to hit the one man concerto.  He makes the cover but Rock kicks out at 2.  Rock lays the smackdown on Christian twice and followed it up with a  spinebuster but Christian hits the Unprettier for a one count.   Christian hits a springboard plancha and tries for a pin but Rock kicks out at 2.  Christian is frustrated right now and he goes and kicks the ropes.  He turns around and Rock hits a Rock Bottom.  He makes the cover and the 1..2…3 follows.  Rock is the winner and will go on tomorrow to meet RVD for the Undisputed title.  What a match!

 

Our final match of the night has a slight delay as the ring crew set up a scaffold around the ring.   As we get ready for our final match, Jimberg is in the back looking more focused than ever.  This last time, Joe Jobber insulted Jimberg’s hygiene.  The Lil’ Bossman has finally had enough.  This would be settled once and for all.  He would see to it.  Out comes the ref but it’s someone new.  It is “Slow Count” Sam.  Oh great.  I hope this doesn’t really affect the outcome.  Joe is out first followed by Jimberg.  Action is in the ring as Jobber hits a back bodydrop on Jimberg.  He then follows it up with a forearm smash.  Jimberg freaks out and chases Jobber up the scaffold.  While up there, Joe kicks him in the gut but Jimberg nails a sky high suplex on the scaffold.  Jimberg then hits the Jimhammer on Joe.  Jimberg hits a second Jimhammer and goes for a pin but Slow count sam (who is down below) is having a hard time seeing up there so he only counts to 1. They make their way down.  Joe tries for a back bodydrop but Jimberg nullifies it.  Jimberg hits a huge powerslam and goes for a pin but Joe kicks out at 2.  Both men go back up and Jimberg trips Joe.  Jimberg then dangles Joe from the scaffold only holding his feet but Joe doesn’t give up.  He makes it to the side supports and crawls back down.  Jimberg then locks in the most devastating headlock ever.  Joe submits.  But the match is not over.  Now, we must go back up the scaffold.  Both men climb back.  Jimberg then slams Joe’s head into the scaffold.  He rubs Joe’s face across the platform blinding Joe.  Jimberg then grabs ahold of Joe and launches him off the scaffold.  Joe’s costume actually grew wings out from under his arms.  He glided to the bottom and landed, for the most part, unscathed.  He laughed at Jimberg as he tried to leave.  All of a sudden, out comes Donnie B, MW3, SW, Mighty Casey and Master Bull.  They prevented Joe from leaving.  They all charged the ring (except for Master Bull) and tore the “wings” out from his costume.  They then chased him back up the scaffold into the waiting arms of Jimberg.  Jimberg then hit a piledriver on Joe.  He pushed him over the edge and Joe tumbled to the ring.  He landed awkwardly.  The gang then covered him in tar and feathers and Jimberg, who had made is way down, kicked Joe out of the ring.  The gang congratulated Jimberg on his win.  I think we may have finally seen the last of Joe Jobber.

 

Well, that is all we have for Day 1.  Stay tuned for Day 2.